General Chat

I have just read the rest of these messages I am glad for the ones who left as it is a hard thing to do but if they have not got the strength to leave they won't go but Malc it is the hardest thing in the world to sit back and know you can see what is happening and can do nothing but I am really glad you put this thread on as they need to know children are affected. I will say just this think to the future now not the past

Hi Dave, my only child, my Daughter is in a abusive relationship with her partner ,ita a mental one not phyisical,he constantly puts her down, my real Daughter is gone for now and in her place is a shadow of her former self, but she wont leave him, 1 because of the children 2 because she still loves him 3 her confidence and self esteem is so low that she is scared to go it on her own, in the end you just dont know what to do for the best, his own childhood was abismal, and his own level of self esteem is nill, i think the problem is he is so jelouse of our close loving family that he cant cope with it, but i must give him his due he has never tried to stop our daughter from visiting although i think he knows if he did that then she would leave, but as you know Dave the worry for the parents is constant. tina

I have just read your message Tina I am so sorry but if you say anything to her she will hold on tighter and he will win. I know you hate to have to stand back and let her decide all you can do is give her support and wait for her to walk away she will then you will be there and that is all we can do it is hard keep your chin up

I was in a violent marriage when I was young, I suffered physical, mental and sexual abuse and it still affects me now, even though I have been married to my second husband for nearly 22 years and have two wonderful children (from my second husband). On times I become very insecure and question my husband's love, even though I know I have no need to. My children hate it when I say I'm stupid and ugly, but sometimes I still believe this, I was told this so often and it stayed with me. People who have never experienced a violent relationship should not comment on what victims should do. It is not as simple as just walking out, in my case the relationship came to an end when I looked at him and realised I hated him with all my heart. Never comment on a person's life until you have walked a mile in their shoes. Good luck to all of you who are still in these relationships and well done to those of you who have been brave enough to end them. M.

I left my ex after 16yrs after he kicked my son who was 10yrs old at the time in the ribs and nearly broke them he told police was the first time it was a lie my son didn't tell me so I wouldn't get it instead he was trying to protect me from the age of 6yrs old that is why I like this thread if we can help some one it will be worth it. Been with my new guy for 8yrs and he is brilliant

my Daughter would be mortified if she knew i had told her story on here, but where can the parents of abuse victims go for comfort, when you see the most precious thing in your life being destroyed and there is nothing you can do about it , it literaly breaks your heart in two, abuse is abuse is ABUSE and should never be swept under the carpet not in any shape or form. tina

I know what you mean at least having this thread you know you are not alone and someone will listien

I read this at 06:00 this morning, and through the awful long day that work had been, have been able to think of nothing else.... I'm a strong person now... but because I had to grow with my strength I ask myself 'who' have I made suffer? Who do I trust? Who do I turn to when times are tough...? I fell head over heels in love a with a man at 18 - no-one could compare to him, until one day I realised he made me feel so small... but his treatment of me reflected into secondary relationships... until I met my present husband, my best friend, my soul mate.. and more... now I know that someone loves me for who & what I am, not because I could, or might be someone else... knows me for the strong person I can be, & not the weakling I was made to think I was... It's not just women that suffer... I work with a wonderful man who worships his kids, and because of them has put up with the ridicule, and selfish treatment his wife has bestowed on him... you are nothing.. you are no-one... that's not him-that is her... My thoughts are with everyone, male & female alike, who have lived through this awful experience Magi

This is an absolutely brilliant and brave thread - I'm sorry I missed the previous one. It is a subject that needs bringing out in the open and no-one who suffers should feel ashamed in any way, it's the perpetrators who should be ashamed. I've not had personal experience but someone close to me has and it was heartbreaking. Jan

The other thread is still there - just type in Domestic Violence. I do not think there is a problem with the thread, things need to be talked about, and if people cannot cope with the subject then they don't have to read it. I can't bear thinking about or hearing about the torture of people like those two young American soldiers, it doesn't mean I don't feel for them and condemn what happened, or that I don't ache for their families too, but I just cannot read or listen to the details, so I put my fingers in my ears or turn the volume down when the subject is on tv and turn the page in the newspaper. I have received a lot of support from people on here and I am lucky, I have no children here to be affected and things are not always bad. I know I am ok and that I am not a bad person, and whatever he says, I disregard. Off out now, take care everyone, Liz

Liz sweetie - this thread originated in 2005 so not the thread you are talking about babe!! LOL! xx