General Chat

Liz sweetie - this thread originated in 2005 so not the thread you are talking about babe!! LOL! xx

The other thread is still there - just type in Domestic Violence. I do not think there is a problem with the thread, things need to be talked about, and if people cannot cope with the subject then they don't have to read it. I can't bear thinking about or hearing about the torture of people like those two young American soldiers, it doesn't mean I don't feel for them and condemn what happened, or that I don't ache for their families too, but I just cannot read or listen to the details, so I put my fingers in my ears or turn the volume down when the subject is on tv and turn the page in the newspaper. I have received a lot of support from people on here and I am lucky, I have no children here to be affected and things are not always bad. I know I am ok and that I am not a bad person, and whatever he says, I disregard. Off out now, take care everyone, Liz

This is an absolutely brilliant and brave thread - I'm sorry I missed the previous one. It is a subject that needs bringing out in the open and no-one who suffers should feel ashamed in any way, it's the perpetrators who should be ashamed. I've not had personal experience but someone close to me has and it was heartbreaking. Jan

I read this at 06:00 this morning, and through the awful long day that work had been, have been able to think of nothing else.... I'm a strong person now... but because I had to grow with my strength I ask myself 'who' have I made suffer? Who do I trust? Who do I turn to when times are tough...? I fell head over heels in love a with a man at 18 - no-one could compare to him, until one day I realised he made me feel so small... but his treatment of me reflected into secondary relationships... until I met my present husband, my best friend, my soul mate.. and more... now I know that someone loves me for who & what I am, not because I could, or might be someone else... knows me for the strong person I can be, & not the weakling I was made to think I was... It's not just women that suffer... I work with a wonderful man who worships his kids, and because of them has put up with the ridicule, and selfish treatment his wife has bestowed on him... you are nothing.. you are no-one... that's not him-that is her... My thoughts are with everyone, male & female alike, who have lived through this awful experience Magi

I know what you mean at least having this thread you know you are not alone and someone will listien

my Daughter would be mortified if she knew i had told her story on here, but where can the parents of abuse victims go for comfort, when you see the most precious thing in your life being destroyed and there is nothing you can do about it , it literaly breaks your heart in two, abuse is abuse is ABUSE and should never be swept under the carpet not in any shape or form. tina

I left my ex after 16yrs after he kicked my son who was 10yrs old at the time in the ribs and nearly broke them he told police was the first time it was a lie my son didn't tell me so I wouldn't get it instead he was trying to protect me from the age of 6yrs old that is why I like this thread if we can help some one it will be worth it. Been with my new guy for 8yrs and he is brilliant

I was in a violent marriage when I was young, I suffered physical, mental and sexual abuse and it still affects me now, even though I have been married to my second husband for nearly 22 years and have two wonderful children (from my second husband). On times I become very insecure and question my husband's love, even though I know I have no need to. My children hate it when I say I'm stupid and ugly, but sometimes I still believe this, I was told this so often and it stayed with me. People who have never experienced a violent relationship should not comment on what victims should do. It is not as simple as just walking out, in my case the relationship came to an end when I looked at him and realised I hated him with all my heart. Never comment on a person's life until you have walked a mile in their shoes. Good luck to all of you who are still in these relationships and well done to those of you who have been brave enough to end them. M.

I have just read your message Tina I am so sorry but if you say anything to her she will hold on tighter and he will win. I know you hate to have to stand back and let her decide all you can do is give her support and wait for her to walk away she will then you will be there and that is all we can do it is hard keep your chin up

Hi Dave, my only child, my Daughter is in a abusive relationship with her partner ,ita a mental one not phyisical,he constantly puts her down, my real Daughter is gone for now and in her place is a shadow of her former self, but she wont leave him, 1 because of the children 2 because she still loves him 3 her confidence and self esteem is so low that she is scared to go it on her own, in the end you just dont know what to do for the best, his own childhood was abismal, and his own level of self esteem is nill, i think the problem is he is so jelouse of our close loving family that he cant cope with it, but i must give him his due he has never tried to stop our daughter from visiting although i think he knows if he did that then she would leave, but as you know Dave the worry for the parents is constant. tina

I have just read the rest of these messages I am glad for the ones who left as it is a hard thing to do but if they have not got the strength to leave they won't go but Malc it is the hardest thing in the world to sit back and know you can see what is happening and can do nothing but I am really glad you put this thread on as they need to know children are affected. I will say just this think to the future now not the past

My eldest daughter was in a relationship like that 16 years ago,she used to come to our house with black eye,cut lip bruises on the arm all sorts,always blaming accidents a shelf had fell on her,she had tripped over coffee table even fell over the baby.She lost over 2 stone in weight and was under 7 stone in weight but because she loved this vicious man she made excuses to us and all her family.She found the strength to leave him after he and 3 of his friends beat me up she wasnt having that happen to her Dad.The very same day she went back to pick her and her babys things up and found him in bed with a girl he had picked up in the pub . I am glad to say that my daughter and her new husband have been together 14 years and he has brought her son up like is own. Davex

i was in a domestic violence relationship ,its so hard to walk away ,that is why i went on television to say what happened to me ,it was on a local bbc news to rise money for the local help centre and i am gald i did . maureen

Tickled Pink - EXACTLY - Malc had the bottle to stand up under his own name - I am afraid my cowardice took over and I sent what I wanted posting to Secretary Bird as that little voice hidden deep in me was saying - oh they are all going to point their fingers at me and say - what a waste of space - imagine not standing up to the man did you not think of your children - I did - but sheer terror can make cowards of us all . No one realised what was happening I put on a face - my family suspected it but didnt mention it - I never meant to upset anyone with that posting - that was the last thing on my mind - but I think it proves one thing to everyone - we dont know what has gone on in peoples lives - it was not the fact that domestic violence had been raised as a subject - but because people cannot comprehend WHY the abused person just doesnt walk away - thats what had upset me and re-opened the pain Deep Within There’s a pain that resides Deep within Almost always hidden That you’re ashamed to show You paint your face With the skill of an artist To shield your hurt From prying eyes. Cracks appear On your painted face You do your best But the pain erupts Bubbling and tumbling over In a torrent of tears Until you are drained And the pain retreats Back to the hidden depths Until the next time I put a smiley face on to the outside world and it never slipped once outside - I did my crying in private and more often than not silently so people still saw the smile and thought I was happy. I am not brave, I think I have shown exactly what a coward I was - but I did it to try an protect myself and my children - if I had answered back who was to say what would have happened to them????

Malc, you have nothing to apologise for and should not have felt pressured into removing your thread. I agree whole heartedly with Tina on this one. If people don't want to read it, then they should bypass it and move onto another thread. I grew up with an abusive father and in the 60s you just didn't have anyone to tell, let alone anywhere to run to. My mum tried to get us away. She contacted a solicitor and the council for help, but the answer was always the same - we don't get involved in issues between a man and his wife. Well, what about the way it affected the rest of us? Didn't that matter too? Apparently not. We walked on eggshells most of the time. He was like Jeckell and Hyde. We never knew which way he was going to swing from one day to the next. The mental abuse we went through for that alone was bad enough. We just couldn't relax. The stories I could tell..... There is more help now, times have changed, but it's still happening on a huge scale. These things NEED to be discussed, no matter how uncomfortable it might be for others to hear. Carole

She your a very brave lady to tell your story, am so glad things are wonderful for you now. It isn't for anyone to judge why people stay in these relationships, everyone has there own reasons and I don't think that anyone, like myself who hasnt endured living in these circumstances can possibly understand the emotional torture that it must bring. I think Malc did right in posting his threads on this subject. Jo xx

Fozzy Bear, It wasnt your fault sweetheart, your parents both love you of that I am 100% certain. And you would have loved them both and would have felt you couldnt choose between them that if you favoured one the other would hate you - but I feel in my heart they both love you. But you were a child and didnt know what to do. It seems like you have been bottling this up for a while - and to bottle these feelings makes you unhappy - please - talk to your GP , I promise you that if the dr recommends you talk to a counsellor it will help heal your broken heart. Ug

Having spoken in depth tonight with She, I can honestly say that I have been left speechless! I have no understanding how one human being can inflict such horror on another, and to be honest, I dont wish to know! I still do not wish to read such graphic details, i dont believe that would help anyone here! She... May your new found happiness be with you for the rest of your life.. Good luck to you in all that you do! You are one brave lady! Maz x

shelia, none of us know what we will do in a certain situation untill we are in it, and each persons reaction will be different and from what i have been reading domestic violence takes many different forms so it is not up to us to judge why a person stays or goes, its just so good that you can forgive what has happend to you i wish you all the best that life can now give you,

Sheila so brave of you to be so candid and honest,take care glad you are now happy in your relationship. Davexx