General Chat

trying to keep myself to myself, i was going to add something similar that domestic violence isnt just about partners, a lot of the time the children get involved aswell, whether it be knowing whats going on between your parents but not wanting to help cos you were scared, or actually getting any physical,verbal or mental abuse directed at yourself. which is harder because the more you want it sorted , the more you are scared to ask for help in case things go from bad to worse.

Another member has asked me to remove my earlier reply to this thread as it was too graphic in detail.

hi, do not apologise malc ! this is an important issue, and well worth discussing, sue.

Malc did any one say they were offended by any of the posts on this subject?, if we dont have open debate on subjects like this it will always be swept under the carpet especially for the men who suffer at the hands of women. i myself have never been in a abusive relationship but i would like to understand why one person comits abuse and one person will endure the abuse, and like i said on your first post i have always said that if i was abused i would walk out, but never being put to the test would i i really dont know, anyone not in that situation doesnt know how they will react untill it happens

Secretary Bird - l thought you were very brave to put your story on here and l thank you.Take care:o) jude sarf wales x

secretary bird, only by your graphic detail can anyone realize what an abused person goes through, its your experience that you are sharing with those of us who have never been abused, and i applude you for your courage in telling your story,and once again one persons wishes have been panderd to no matter that the majority of us are in suport of you airing your story

Tina I agree with you totally these things need to be spoken about Jo xx

it really gets me so MAD, when another person can dictate what i can read on these posts, if i didnt like what i was reading i would pass on, the person who complained must have read secretary birds post from end to end to know all the graphic details and if that member found the details to unpalatable for them then they should have just scrolled down thats why crimes like these can go on as some people dont like the true facts to be aired

Hello all It was me that asked for the post to be deleted.. please note i said ASKED, not DEMANDED!! I was absolutely shocked by what I read and have the utmost respect for the person concerned, but as is often said in these boards, young people read this and I felt that such horror, should not have been so graphic.. I have spoken to the person and they do not seem to have a problem with my request. I am pleased that this person has been able to move on with their life and find a kind, caring person to share that life with and I wish them both as much happiness as life can bring them. With the greatest respect... Maz x

Hi all And firstly - thanks to Maz for listening - I got Secretary Bird - someone I know and trust to post that message on my behalf. Malc did nothing wrong with his posting the first thread - what upset me on it was people saying WHY does the abused person not leave - I suffered flashbacks then and was very distraught - what I got SB tp post were actually some of the tamer things that happened - those of you that know me know that I am a very patient person and my greatest wish had been that this man who realise what he was doing. Sadly that wasnt the case - I forgave him all he did to me - its the ONLY way to move on in life - I may have forgiven him but I can never forget - I just hope he finds peace within himelf one day. I bear him no grudges. As most of you also know I have remarried to the kindest sweetest man - he bore the brunt of my tears tonight as I mourned for the losses - Paul cant understand how I can forgive - but it is not in my nature to bear grudges. I cannot say I hate the father of my children - he will always be their father and anyway - hate uses up too much energy - So please - dont judge people too harshly if they stay with an abusive partner - they could be like me and hoped that love would conquer everything - but were too terrified. she x

Hi Maz, I am sorry if my comments offended you, and i do understand your concerns about yound people being sheilded from some of the seamier aspects of life but in this instance i think that if more people yound and old know of the hell that an abused person suffers then maybe they could recognise the signs and get out before its to late . tina

Sheila so brave of you to be so candid and honest,take care glad you are now happy in your relationship. Davexx

shelia, none of us know what we will do in a certain situation untill we are in it, and each persons reaction will be different and from what i have been reading domestic violence takes many different forms so it is not up to us to judge why a person stays or goes, its just so good that you can forgive what has happend to you i wish you all the best that life can now give you,

Having spoken in depth tonight with She, I can honestly say that I have been left speechless! I have no understanding how one human being can inflict such horror on another, and to be honest, I dont wish to know! I still do not wish to read such graphic details, i dont believe that would help anyone here! She... May your new found happiness be with you for the rest of your life.. Good luck to you in all that you do! You are one brave lady! Maz x

Fozzy Bear, It wasnt your fault sweetheart, your parents both love you of that I am 100% certain. And you would have loved them both and would have felt you couldnt choose between them that if you favoured one the other would hate you - but I feel in my heart they both love you. But you were a child and didnt know what to do. It seems like you have been bottling this up for a while - and to bottle these feelings makes you unhappy - please - talk to your GP , I promise you that if the dr recommends you talk to a counsellor it will help heal your broken heart. Ug

She your a very brave lady to tell your story, am so glad things are wonderful for you now. It isn't for anyone to judge why people stay in these relationships, everyone has there own reasons and I don't think that anyone, like myself who hasnt endured living in these circumstances can possibly understand the emotional torture that it must bring. I think Malc did right in posting his threads on this subject. Jo xx

Malc, you have nothing to apologise for and should not have felt pressured into removing your thread. I agree whole heartedly with Tina on this one. If people don't want to read it, then they should bypass it and move onto another thread. I grew up with an abusive father and in the 60s you just didn't have anyone to tell, let alone anywhere to run to. My mum tried to get us away. She contacted a solicitor and the council for help, but the answer was always the same - we don't get involved in issues between a man and his wife. Well, what about the way it affected the rest of us? Didn't that matter too? Apparently not. We walked on eggshells most of the time. He was like Jeckell and Hyde. We never knew which way he was going to swing from one day to the next. The mental abuse we went through for that alone was bad enough. We just couldn't relax. The stories I could tell..... There is more help now, times have changed, but it's still happening on a huge scale. These things NEED to be discussed, no matter how uncomfortable it might be for others to hear. Carole

Tickled Pink - EXACTLY - Malc had the bottle to stand up under his own name - I am afraid my cowardice took over and I sent what I wanted posting to Secretary Bird as that little voice hidden deep in me was saying - oh they are all going to point their fingers at me and say - what a waste of space - imagine not standing up to the man did you not think of your children - I did - but sheer terror can make cowards of us all . No one realised what was happening I put on a face - my family suspected it but didnt mention it - I never meant to upset anyone with that posting - that was the last thing on my mind - but I think it proves one thing to everyone - we dont know what has gone on in peoples lives - it was not the fact that domestic violence had been raised as a subject - but because people cannot comprehend WHY the abused person just doesnt walk away - thats what had upset me and re-opened the pain Deep Within There’s a pain that resides Deep within Almost always hidden That you’re ashamed to show You paint your face With the skill of an artist To shield your hurt From prying eyes. Cracks appear On your painted face You do your best But the pain erupts Bubbling and tumbling over In a torrent of tears Until you are drained And the pain retreats Back to the hidden depths Until the next time I put a smiley face on to the outside world and it never slipped once outside - I did my crying in private and more often than not silently so people still saw the smile and thought I was happy. I am not brave, I think I have shown exactly what a coward I was - but I did it to try an protect myself and my children - if I had answered back who was to say what would have happened to them????

i was in a domestic violence relationship ,its so hard to walk away ,that is why i went on television to say what happened to me ,it was on a local bbc news to rise money for the local help centre and i am gald i did . maureen

My eldest daughter was in a relationship like that 16 years ago,she used to come to our house with black eye,cut lip bruises on the arm all sorts,always blaming accidents a shelf had fell on her,she had tripped over coffee table even fell over the baby.She lost over 2 stone in weight and was under 7 stone in weight but because she loved this vicious man she made excuses to us and all her family.She found the strength to leave him after he and 3 of his friends beat me up she wasnt having that happen to her Dad.The very same day she went back to pick her and her babys things up and found him in bed with a girl he had picked up in the pub . I am glad to say that my daughter and her new husband have been together 14 years and he has brought her son up like is own. Davex