General Chat

Desperate, Poor you! It's an awful position to be in, I have suffered with anxiety and depression for the last 3 years, I know what a strain it can out on other people. Can I suggest to you the thing that helped me and my family through the bad times, I don't know if you have tried it, its called the Linden method. It offers support to both the sufferer and the family, you have to buy it though, but it was brilliant for me, you get books, cds, and a phone number that you can call anytime of the day for all sorts of help and advice. I am now able to go out and do things I'd never dreamed of doing 3 years ago. The website is www(.)thelindenmethod(.)co(.)uk Anythings worth a try with anxiety and depression, as I say I bought it a year ago and it has really made my life a lot easier as well as my familys. Really reallly hope you both get through this bad times, best of luck, Sunny Miller

Thank you Sunny, I have took copy of your reply and now of to have a look.

Hi, I think the only way to deal with someone with depression is to try to be understanding and get them to talk about what is going on in their head. Try to stay cheerful with them and give them time on their own if they need it. If you get him to talk to a doctor he may be able to prescribe him something. Good Luck and let us know how you get on.

Thank you Rebbeka and Swiss Maid, yes know what you mean friends who come to the house know what its like and make allowences but its when he talks to others and says things the wrong way you want to run away but you have to expain the things he is trying to say the right way, so you can keep the peace. Sunny the linden method what did you get, the downloaded one or the written one , but £117 is a bit much isnt it will have to think on that. But I must admit it made a lot of sence if you know what I mean. Will try to keep you all updated

I think there is two kinds of depression, phsycological and clinical, sorry three manic. If there is a buried reason causing phsycological problems, then possibly a phsycologist is the answer. If it is clinical or manic then drugs have to be used. If your hubby refuses to go to the Dr, try to get them to send out a Phsyciatric nurse, maybe your Dr will help with that, no need to tell Hubby about the visit as then the nurse can assess his mental state without him being prepared. We did this with my dad, and he was unwashed , unshaven and lying on the couch when she arrived. He was taken to hospital, and now after proper treatment is a new man, but we told him what he had been like also when he was better so if he is slipping back we can make him aware to get help before it goes to far again. There is one thing for sure when in this state of mind, a person can become selfish and manipulative, they dont mean to be, but it does not help the person dealing with it. You can not deal with this alone, as you are suffering, and even if it is social services you need help, and he needs to be seen by people who deal with this every day. Hope this is helpful, my heart goes out to you and yours. x

as I previously said my husband was a depressive from the age of 35-46 when he died of lung cancer, he was also violent, so please be careful. A visit from a phycie nurse sounds a very good idea to me best of luck brenda

Thanks Lemon Nelly, you have just reminded me that I have card somewhere when he was seen by someone from hospital before, I wont do anything yet till next week get the week-end over with first

as afellow sufferer of depression i feel for you and your husband.you because i know the destructive way depression can almost destroy a relationship through no fault of the sufferers and thepartnerof the sufferer as when it takes hold you really cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel.people become dependant on their partners for support and comfort when they can see nothing else in their lives.it can be the slightest thing that triggers it off.the only advice i can really give is the first thing is your husband should seek help.it will not go away on it's own.like me he may need medication to get his mind back on track.councilling is also a good thing to find out what is upsetting him and making him depressed.there is usually an underlying problem.could be a bad experience from his childhood or something that has happened lately.just remeber he does love you and the way he is acting is the illness not the man you married.hope that helps.love and hugsxxx(:

Desperate, glad you found some help in what I said and it reminded you of the card. Please feel free to e a personal reply if you need any help, I know that the hard part of this is you still love the person who is tearing their own and everyone elses life to shreds. Sometimes the love makes you want to protect them, but you need to help yourself aswell or everything falls to bits, be determined and get help, if he was a child you would not think twice, and at the moment he is not functioning properly. Be strong, be kind to yourself too, you do matter. Good luck, will be thinking of you. x

Sadly, they hit out at those nearest to them. I have no advice to offer but wish, with hindsight, that I had got out years ago - as I have been no help to my depressed husband whatsoever, according to him! But, I struggled on (we have a son who needed a dad), and we now live as two total strangers, sadly. To anyone with this problem (and the patient won't accept that there is one), make your own life before it's too late. Lily

Hi Lily, Nelly Sue and Lisa, thanks and yes I`m walking on eggshell all the time with him, just popped out to get hair cut for this wedding tomorrow come in and all he can say is there is mouse in the garden, not oh that looks nice am I still here as aperson or have I gone down the drain. I know I have to look out for myself, but what do you do!! as you say you love them but boy can this be hard.

Lily - do you mind me messaging you? Joy

Desperate, I bought the written one, it is a lot of money, which is the only downside to it as it means many people couldn't afford it, but for the support that they offer, and the advice that they give, it really isn't too bad. The upside is that if it doesn't work, they will give you a refund. I hope this helps you a bit, best wishes, Sunny

Joy - I've e-mailed you. Lily

Thanks, Lily. Joy

im so sorry,i used to work for a lady of the gentry,and for 2 weeks a year we used to have this lady with severe depression.now im a happy person generally but by the time she left we all felt low.anything that was suggested got the answer done it tried it ,it does,nt work.its mentally exhausting for people in your position and my heart goes out to you.but the bad news is i dont think theres anything that can be done other than tablets.

hi there, i have e mailed my friend -- will get back to you when she replies, sue. xxx

dear desperate, i help out on a site called'nomorepanic' and one of the ladies on there has written an excellent article about this subject. she has overcome anxiety/depression/IBS/panic...so much so,that she has carried on her career as a show-jumper. its a long article,but if you like i will copy and paste it on here. let me know! bryan.

To all that have replied I will get back to you on Sunday. NTL have been off since 5 and just gone back on, I will get through wedding tommorrow and answer on sunday Thyanks again your help has been great

Nudging till feel well enough to reply, Been Ill all morning dodgy parmo I think or bug