General Chat

My husband is so bad with his nerves at the moment I wish I was dead!! ok won`t do anything been there wore the T. shirt out!!!! But how do you deal with it?????? Everything is doom and gloom all he does is moan car`nt come on computer / does not like me been in other room no ME anymore ARGggggh. Update from over Week-end

Not easy to deal with - can you get him to GP? Or go yourself? Will he talk - do you know what is depressing him? Ann

hi there, sounds bad ! have only dealt with father in laws depression , but that is mainly down to his illness. do you have any family to help you out... or an understanding doctor ? am signing off in a mo. i have work early in the morning, if you want to have a good old moan... feel free... message me, i will get back to you tomorrow, sue. xxxx [ chin up!]

my friend,many years ago,this would have been a real problem. today,the medical profession are waking up to the fact that many people are suffering,the same way your partner is! there is sooo much help available today,but you have to be completely honest,with yourselves,and your gp. todays ante-depressants,have become available,thanks to fantastic research...no one needs to suffer anymore,but the pills available need to be a short term answer,and the patient should seek help from a cognitive behavioural therapist,as referred by the gp....unfortunately the gp needs to be pushed into referring your partner,as the cost comes out of the gp's practice accounts. so...see your doctor !! bryan.

hi Sue Ann and Bryan, yes hubby been to docs got tablets changed and they made him worse, made appointment for him to go back and he cancelled it. I phoned docs up told them I was scared but I meant for hubby as he stayed up all night drinking and thats not him, docs said contact S Services, I told them to get lost was`nt frightened of him but what he was doing to himself. They told me to take him of new tablets and put him back on old ones which I did, he improved a bit in 2 days but now seems as bad as ever. The best of it is you could not meet a nicer guy in the world. but now he is calling everyone and hates me

i dont want to sound cheeky, but how old is he ? and have you any family/ friends to help you ? sue.

Hi Sue yes plenty friends and daughter at home but this is getting her down as well, he is nearly 60 and he has been bad like this for years on and of . The last really bad do was 8 yrs ago the same year as I lost my mam and uncle who lived with us, and I told him then I could not deal with this much more and he had to listen to me as we see the signs before him, them 4yrs ago he was bad but went to docs and got tablets changed he has also seen someone attached to the hospital who said very low stress level and needed tablets ajusted as such. But doc he was under retired and the new one is not that good. My own doctor keeps begging for him to change to him as everytime he is bad I end up on antidepressents and as he says he is treating the wrong paitent but he wont change doctors and I car`nt make him

so really , you have been coping with this for years ! i am not surprised you are on medication too ! could you message me your e mail addy- i know someone on here who has exactly the same thing to cope with. i will ask her if she will contact you, i am sure you have a lot in common- and even if nothing is solved, it might be good for both of you to talk to each other. her hubby is about the same age as yours, and been suffering for a long time. support is good- and a moan helps too ! sue. xxx

must go to bed,as i'me working tomorrow,but doctor should have explained that a/ds work like this....first few weeks,patient may well feel worse than before,but once they have kicked in,the patient will start to improve! a/ds are there to balance the chemicals in the brain...when we're suffering depression,we lose a chemical called serotonin,a/ds are serotonin uptakes,and bring back the natural balance...often sufferers think they're going mad,but if only they knew it was just a chemical inbalance,they would'nt feel so bad....maybe gp's want to keep that aura of being gods. nite nite ......bryan.

Will his doctor refer him to the hospital or local mental health office, where he could be assessed and perhaps offered the visits of a Community Psychiatric Nurse who visits at home? Have you had a look at any nutrition sites, sometimes changing the diet or adding nuts and seeds helps. I find there are some herbal drops I take to help me stay a bit more 'even' and they might help you. They are from health food stores (not H & B) and are A. Vogel's Passiflora drops with ativa (oats) - taste vile but you take them in water, and the taste is only momentary. They keep me from being so weepy all the time and I cope with things a little better. Not to say that you have to put up with this behaviour of your hubby's all the time, maybe you could take him with you to see your doctor about you, and he might decide to change. Seems much the best idea, but I know what men are like when it comes to changing. Will be thinking of you. Liz

Hi Roxanne and Liz, yes, we know antideppresants only help short term, but he has been on various ones over 26yrs, he did see community physc nurse a couple years ago but that did`nt do much good he was the one who said that they need changing or the dosage altering as and when.

Desperate I really feel for you. You have been given some good advice on here won't add as it was years ago that me and my dad had to deal with htis and things have changed. I can remember it being so bad with my Mum we used to sneak her tablets to her in food she new Oh dear did we cop it. I hope things improve soon, perhaps when he is well he could be persuaded to change doctors then. Thinking of you Germaine x

I can't add anything to what has already been said, but just to say we have all been there in some form or other. One of my best friends has suffered from depression for years and had every kind of anti depressant prescribed. It is only in the last year that she has been taking a new pill and this has been miraculous. So keep nagging the doctor, and hang on in there. And if you want to shout, come on here! XX BC

I am so desperately sorry for you. I went through this for years, but my husband not only lost his job but we travelled the world with new short term employment. It was if he was trying to run away from himself I cant offer any constructive advice, but you must get HELP and quickly brenda

Desperate Your husband is depressed. You can't help him if he won't help himself. All you can do is look after yourself. Perhaps you need to have a break away from him - whilst you are there he will continue to wallow in self-pity. Maybe he needs to be jolted into getting help. If he has been on various medications for 26 years, have any of them helped? I am sure other treatments, such as talking to someone about it would help. there's a book called 'Feeling Good' I think, published by Penguin, which helped me - it gets you to replace stupid negative thoughts like 'everyone hates me I wish I was dead' to more realistic ones like 'some people like me and sometimes I enjoy life'. nell Nell

Thanks for all you repies, yes Brenda I know whay you mean he lost his job 18yrs ago, and he has been like this since his youth, his first wife had an affair and got out, so muchfor sickness and health. We have got through this other times by me talking overdoses(would`nt again) leaving and with family intervention, but I just feel I am to old and drained fot all this now, I`m also disabled and cannot do the things I used to, and he even digs at this now house not as clean as used to be(but he does`nt do anything much except hoover now and again) and I have put on weight do to srteriods ect and he is now digging about that,daughter has told him of but all he says all my fault ect

Hello 'Desperate'.I know exactly how you feel as I have been coping with my husband for about 20 years.He has had Depression for that long and now has Dementia as well which makes it even worse, but I am sorry I have not got any advice for you. My husband and I are both 77 and he has tried to commit suicide twice this year so far. Both times I called for the Ambulance and saved his life, and he spent a few weeks in hospital. The Mental Health team visit him every few weeks, now that he is at home,but I don't think they can help much at all, unless the person really wants help. Does your husband admit that he needs help? I know what you are going through and I really feel for you and I am sorry I can't help but I find it helps a bit to talk to other people about it. You can always talk to me if you want to. Best wishes to you and your husband from Sylvia in Perth WA

Hiya Sylvia, thanks for your reply and no he doesnt accept he wants help, all he does is blame what ever upsets him at that moment; me on here, phone ringing, people comming in yet he is the first to invite anyone in as this as always been a open house and thats what he loves till he gets ill like this.

I can't really add anything that hasn't been said before. Depression is a horrible illness that can, as you know, have a fall-out on other people in the household. Clearly, you can't force your husband to get help. But you can get help for yourself. I take that you are in the UK. Have you tried contacting the Samaritans? They can be a great help and you do not have to be suicidal before you speak to them. Also, do not reject the idea of contacting social services out of hand. They can tell you what help is available both to you and your husband I wish you well. GB Fiona

Thank you Fiona and Claire, Claire that must have taken some doing to put in down in print what you went through and many thanks, maybe one day soon I can show him the replies to this thread to show him that there is others out there who go through this as well, at the moment I am just trying to do everything he wants just to keep things on even keel as we are out tomorrow to a wedding which at the moment I am dreading.