General Chat

Thinking of you IOM, with my thoughts that your Dad will find peace and you and him can enjoy time together,


Caz xxxxxxxx

dad doesnt believe in wills.

And he wants a headstone so he wouldnt like to be buried in the woods hes to religious

I'm so sorry to hear your sad news. My father has been ill for the last four years and I worry about what would happen. It's the last thing you really want to think about.

I know other's have given you some great advice but I've not been able to read the full thread so apologise if someone has already said this. Please get him to make a will, it is especially important if he has children who are half or step siblings and ex-wives. The squabbles it could leave in his wake can be more traumatising than the loss itself. Even if it's just to divide up his personal treasures.

Perhaps it should be up to your father whether your half-brother's mother attends. I know my nanna attended her second husbands funeral even though they'd been divorced 20 years. Even though two people might not be together doesn't mean there isn't some part that might like to say good bye.

Also, make sure he's claiming all relevant benefits, again, not something you probably want to think about but there are special pay outs for the terminally ill on things like Disabled Living Allowance.

Thinking of you all in this difficult time.

ETA you can't always get them to release assets for the funeral if someone dies intestate (without a will) he could leave you all with all kinds of problems. I don't understand how anyone could 'not believe in wills' when it's a way of making sure your wishes are met and things go where you want them to. I have several things that were my Great Grandmothers, they're not worth anything in monetary terms but sentimentally they do. I have put them in my will to leave to my nephews and nieces stating where they came from so they understand why. If you can convince him to make a will then he needs to see a solicitor to do it not one of them will writing companies.

I have, unfortunately, seen a lot of awful things happen after someone dies because a person didn't leave a will and my mother is still upset 20 years after he nanna's death because she was promised something by her and it was given to her brother by her aunt (who always favoured boys).

Thanks for this thread. We have been asked to be Executors for a neighbour, and I had no idea that his relatives would be in a position to be awkward. There is very little money invovled and I dont know if he has done anything about a funeral. Will now try and sort this out with him.
Have a happy few weeks with your father, Only Me, and find out as much as you can about his life before you came along, or you will be saying to youself 'I wish I had asked him that'

I am sad that things have got to this stage with your half brother and you, are there any other siblings?

It's a shame your Dad doesn't believe in wills, but that is rather selfish as it means there will probably be a lot of unpleasantness later on if you are not in complete harmony with everyone over what happens and who pays for and gets what.
Sorry to sound so mercenary but have just been talking to my late cousin's wife about his funeral next week and it is so much easier for all to cope with when things are cut and dried as much as possible.
I hope you can get things sorted out so that you can spend your last times with your Dad without feeling apprehension at the goings on.
I have to say I think you have to respect your father's wishes that if he doesn't mind his ex wife being there to say her goodbyes, the choice should be hers whether to go or not, not the ruling of yourself and your mother. Sorry.
Lizx

A will is also a good place to write down your wishes of what you want to happen at your funeral and to your remains afterwards (ie I want to be cremated and my ashes interred with my nanna's & great grandparents grave)

Liz, did you know you have to have special permission to have your ashes put in your grandparent's grave, I want mine put in my daughter's grave but my son would have to get permission from the powers that be. Have to look into it all and see if I can arrange it now, for the future.
Lizx

Yes you need permission to put ashes on/in a grave.

I asked my Dad years ago what he wanted, he said he didn't care..he would be dead lol.
Anyway I suggested he was cremated where he died and brought back to Scotland and his ashes thrown in the burn that runs down the side of what was his family home. He and 5 of his siblings were born there.
He thought that was a great idea.So that is what we did. He was followed by a couple of 'wee drams' and some sprigs of heather.
The ones who werent driving had one last toast to him.

It was a lovely sunny day and everyone was happy as I'm sure he would have been too.

There is no stone but I have kept a rose from his flowers which I am pressing and intend to have framed.

Marion