General Chat

Thank you Marilyn

Thank you Sheila,

He doesnt have a will.

Whats probate?

I will delete my posts as you dont seem to see them.

please dont do that Marion,

I didnt mean to ignore you

Sorry Marion,

i have been pondering on what you were saying.

So it doesnt matter that im the eldest its who ever books it pays for it.

My thoughts and prayers are with you love.
been there ,done that, 3 times now, and it doesnt get easier.
But you will come through it.
Take my word on that.
xxxx

Hi,

It is when the assets of the deceased are frozen, however, on this link it will explain that funeral costs take priority over any other debts, the deceased may have.
It is possible if your Father has money in the Bank for them to release it to you to pay for the Funeral.
If you cannot afford it and he has no assets then you may qualify for a contribution towards the costs.
Take a look at this site, it offers a lot of practical info and explains it far better than I can :O)
Marion is right whoever, organises the Funeral pays the Bill.

My brother was the eldest but, my Dad asked me to deal with it...long story.

Any money in bank will be frozen till funeral is paid.
My Dad didnt have a lot,but he was up to date with all his bills etc.
My brother signed the death cert but let us deal with other things.

Marion

i wish my dad was as organised as my mum.

i know i have nothing to worry about when she goes its already paid for. Out of my mum kids im the youngest and been left the papers.

But im my dads eldest.

Hi Marion,

my dad has signed his bank account over to my brother so he can pay all my dads bills i.e. rent gas electric. as my dad is in and out of hospital

Would it not be easier for your Brother to deal with this then, you could help him still of course but has he power of aturney ? or is his name just on your Fathers account ?

Hi Sheila,

I dont know the answer to that 1 all i know was he got a form from the bank for my dad to sign so my brother can pay the bills.

when we all spoke yesterday my brother and sister said " your the eldest"

So why did your Father have your brother sort out the bank and bills ? does he live near your Father ?
Do you know if your Father is likely to have any money towards the funeral costs ? I am just thinking if he does and your Brother has Authority to pay his bills anyway, then it may have been easier for him to deal with this.
That is not to say that you cannot arrange everything for him, just to have the bill in his name ........ would he not be happy for that to happen ?
If money is a problem look at the link I sent you to see if you can get any help. it offers a lot a practical advice as well, as none of you may have a clue what to do.

Have a word with your Dad and also get him to get your brother to see his bank book etc. Maybe he has enough.
Hopefully your brother is honest and you wont be left/expected to foot the bill.
As others have said see a few undertakers,see where you stand.

It is a hard time for you all and you want it to run as smoothly as it can,without any problems.

Marion

Have you thought of a woodland/green burial?
it may be much cheaper, unfortunately he wont have a headstone, but instead,a tree and plaque as a marker.


Bob

I have just read all this through and think you need to sort some things out soon, hard tho it will be. It's obvious there is a bit of conflict with your half brother(s) so if your Dad is well enough it might be an idea to get him to write out what he wants and make a will, so that you have things in writing and signed by him. Regarding your brother having power of attourney if that is what he has to handle your father's account, then you have to be sure all that is above board so that only the necessary money is being paid out. Otherwise, with no will, things will take much longer to sort out and your brother might be able to siphon some of the money before it gets to paying for a funeral. (apologies to him and you if this is unlikely but you never know, with some relatives things don't go smoothly).

I hope you can get things sorted so that when it comes to the time that you are all grieving, you don't have unpleasantness and arguments to cope with too.
Re your half brother wanting his mother there, what would your father think to that idea. If the split wasn't acrimonious he might feel ok about it and your half brother might want his mother's support.
I have been to funerals before where the ex wife is there supporting her children by that person, and think it might happen with my cousin's funeral, as the ex wife was planning to visit him in hospital but he died while she was still away on holiday so she didn't get the chance.

I hope your Dad has lots of love and support through these dark days and when his time comes, his passing is as gentle as possible.
Lizx

This eldest thing is a load of RUBBISH ........its what you all think is right .......

I,m the eldest and I,ve asked our family solicitor about this issue .......coz I dont want any arguements ...

At the END of the day its down to NEXT OF KIN ....
first ..his wife or parents
second anyone who is his child
after that anyone they can find

Please dont think ive been ignoring you all.

I had to pick the kids up from school and cook dinner.

I thought my half brother and i were close until all this started. He lives in the same town as my dad and seems to be the 1 organising hospital appointments etc.

My half sister and i dont his mother at the funeral. dad doesnt mind eitherway.
He is a religious man so turns the other cheek.

Hi IOM, I am so sorry to read about your Dad.

The Woodlands Memorial is a very good site they have lots of good advice and a complete funeral costs under £1300. (Which is still a lot of money but if divided by the next of kin makes it more affordable and less of a strain on all of you).

Do have a look at the site as they give all sorts of practical advice and downloads too. Even if you dont use them it gives you a good idea of things that will be need to be done.

((((hugs))))

Tina xx

http://www.memorialwoodlands.com/ourservices.php?gclid=CNfetOGYk5YCFQyI1QodJhzgEw