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At what age do you think children should attend funerals??? A of a close relative??? Aunt/Uncle Nan/Granddad etc B of a not so close relative??? Further apart than the ones I mentioned before. Am curious because this is currently an issue in our family. This time last yr, my husbands step granddad died. I thought my daughter should attend as she would then know what occurred but wouldn’t be directly affected ( she isn’t my husband’s daughter) She was 11. However my sister is taking her eldest two to a funeral next week, it is their uncle by marriage not blood. They are 6 and 10. I certainly feel the 6 yr is too young and maybe even the 10 yr old?? So what do you think??????

hi Shelli I can understand how you feel. I took my eldest 2 children to their great grandmothers funeral 3 years ago, they were 8 and 9 years old at the time,I didn't take my youngest as she was only 1. My eldest 2 had asked if they could go and they coped very well and were given the answers to any questions asked.

I say protect young children from the harsh reality of life until you really have to. I would not like for my children to go to a funeral (almost 6 & 10) The raw emotion is frightening, but for a young child, also bewildering and overwhelming. If its a close relitive of the child, maybe its better for friends to look after the children during the service, then bring them back to the house after where they can see everyone and when the emotion is not quite so raw Elaine x (went to mums funeral at 14 and it was horrendous)

I think I would wait until they asked, then they will probably be old enough to get reasonable answers to their questions. I was never allowed when I was a kid and told that I should remember 'auntie' so and so as she was. It depends on the kids I guess. Personally I think 6 is too young, but by 10, you would be asking more in depth questions and be ready to be given the answers. Claire xx

Personally, I think if children are old enough to say they want to go, they're old enough to go, whatever the age or relationship. I don't think a funeral is a place for babes in arms, simply because there is too much going on emotionally for most of the adults but apart from that a funeral is as much a part of life as a wedding and I would take any child that was old enough to sit still and behave appropriately. My mother didn't go to either of her parents funerals even though an adult because it was the custom for only men to attend funerals where she came from so it can be a cultural issue but like I say, I personally think everyone should be included because it is such an important life event.

i am sorry if you read my answer, when i clicked on your thread there was nothing there but see below so i thought you were having a joke anyway i have had this same problem lately, i would say about 12 years old and only if they want to and ofcourse depending how close they were

My little girl lost her grandma 3 yrs ago she did not go to the funeral as the were very close but one day she said grandma is still with me and showed me a star in the sky that is grandma she said prehaps not relevent but i thought i would share it with you Adrian xxx

All my grandchildren cmae to their step grandas funeral just over 2 yrs ago,youngest age range from aged 13months old up to 19yrs old, have 17 grandkids. The children need to learn about death,birth and life. Even know my grandson aged 5 looks up at the sky and says my grandad's are up there in Heaven. Sue

well i gave my daughter the choice last yr whether or not go the funeral. I thought she should go so when it was someone who she was close to she wouldn't be overwhelmed. She chose not to go .. fair enough. Ady that is lovely xxx

i attended a fellow classmates funeral when i was 10 years old, he was knocked down by a car. i was ok at the funeral, little tears, but i do clearly remember my pal's mam & dad and family distraught with their loss. their emotion is still clear to see, in my memory. when my sister died aged 34 years 3 years ago, i could not attend. people feel they must pay their last respects, i cannot. i like to remember them in my memory, the way they were when they were alive and chatting to me. i guess thats a better picture i should of had when i was 10 years old and not forced to pay my last respects.

There are no right or wrong answer to this question, it is purely a personal choice for each and every family. In my family dying, death and funerals have never been a taboo subject, we were always told as children that dying is as natural as being born. My children (now aged 17 and 14) have attended six funerals, four of them being both sets of grandparents. they were aged 7 and 4 when they went to their first.

Thank you Shelli Adrian xxx

Hi Shelli, I took my 2 to their great grandads funeral last year at age 3 and 4, the family was split about whether they should have been there, but my grandad doted on his 'greats' so I knew what to do and once a fortnight we take flowers to his grave and my youngest stands and talks to him and pats the mud down with his wellies, who knows if this is right or wrong but it definately 'feels' right.

Even though my son Is almost ten, I still answer his questions as truthfully as I can about death. He has learned about life and death and the feelings it provokes. He still understands, its just that I dont want him to have to face it full on, when he doesnt have to. When my stepmum died four years ago. Her grandson also then 10 went to the funeral, as he was asked if he would like to attend. He semed ok on the day, so his mother decided to take him to the scattering of the ashes some weeks later. A few weeks later, he began wetting himself in bed and having nightmares, seems the funeral ect had affected him more than people thought Elaine x

My 2 went to their g/granmothers funeral. It was a West Inidian funeral which tend to be different from ours, and what my b/f said was they know how they came into the world and they now know what happens when you die. They weren't upset by it and never asked any questions. Julie

Like someone said previously . there is no right or wrong answer to this. I didn't attend my first funeral until I was an adult - it being not considered appropriate to attend family funerals as a child . I found the first difficult to deal with and I often wonder if it was because of the fact that the whole idea of death, dying and funerals had been taboo subjects for children in my family. I don't think I would take a child to a funeral of a friend or distant relative that the child did not know well but as for close relatives, my grandaughter was only 2 years old when she went to my mother's funeral, the youngest of 7 great grandchildren there - the eldest being 14 years old. My great niece insisted on actually going to say goodbye to her great grandfather, my dad, in the chapel of rest. She would have been 11 years old then and they had been very close. It didn't distress her at all- but thereagain - she did used to keep dead birds and things she had found in her bedroom! Personally I think going to funerals of close family shows respect and gives a child the same chance to say goodbye as an adult - it just depends if they want to go - no child should be made to in my opinion but if they want to - then as long as they can feel free to leave if things get too much they should be allowed to. Magsxx

My husband had a very different up- bringing to me regarding funerals, family crisis etc. In his words he was sheltered from the reality of life up until an age when his parents decided that he was old enough to cope with. The reality was, that he was much more aware and capable than his parents gave him credit for, as a result he resented the fact that so many things were 'kept from him'.We decided that our children will never feel this way.

The only deaths in our family since we've had children have been my in-laws. When my mother-in-law died my older son was 2 and I was pregnant with the 2nd. Older one came with us and my mum came too to look after him. He got a bit restless and mum took him outside during part of the service, but he didn't really know what was going on. When my father-in-law died, both children came - oldest was 6 and youngest was 4. The both came to the funeral as did their cousins, who were 4 and 2. The children played together at the reception and having them there lightened the mood a bit. Both my parents-in-law were cremated, and we took the ashes for burial in the Welsh village where my father-in-law came from. They were in 2 small boxes and the children were concerned that 'marna and parder' wouldn't fit in them. I matter-of-factly explained that they had been burned and were ashes, but their memories lived on and they were at peace. They were quite happy with that. Because the caskets were so light, my elder son and the elder cousin carried them into the church for the service and they seemed happy to have a role. I think very small children are very straight-forward about things. If you have a bereavement in the family, there are going to be plenty of emotional moments anyway, and you can't hide everything from your children. A funeral shows that everyone has the opportunity to remember and be thankful for someone's life. nell

I was never allowed to go to funerals as a child. I was even not told of my father's first heart attack until a fortnight after it occurred. Perhaps I would have reacted badly, but the hurt of being excluded is with me still. I am sure it depends on the circumstances of the death. Untimely deaths, particularly of children, are likely to be deeply distressing. Celebrating a life is very different and should be as inclusive as possible. In the end, it has got to depend on the individual child, but you don't necessarily help them by shutting them out of the grieving process. Brenda