General Chat

my hubby received a email from his daughter and his mum saying that his daughter is missing him and she wants to come over here and stay with us but im going top have to tell my hubby no way i just cant have her in my house i know its nasty and horrible as she is only 13 but the hell i went through over there with her was unbelievable and with 3 boys and one on the way i dont need the stress and of a moody teenager who i will have to entertain while my hubby is at work go on say it im awicked stepmother !!!!--------------- Have spoken to hubby who has spoken to his mum and it has been decided that she can come over the summer holiday for a month then everyone is happy me included because itwas going to be for a few months but we all feel that is too long for her to be away from her mum but i also have been told Amys mum not happy about it have to wait and see if she changes her mind so really its now left to Amys mum to say yes or no

Not wicked..but realistic. Can she come when he's off work and able to spend more time with her? Not so much stress on you then!

Hi stelly hubby doesnt have much holidays left what he has i want him to use when i have the baby and with her comming all the way from the uk she needs to come for at least 4 weeks so at the moment he just doesnt have 4 weeks holiday

Hi Kylie, No your not a monster, your human, but if you must have her to stay just treat her like you would your own children, dont pussy foot round her, i'm sure you dont pussy foot round your own. Treat her like one of your own, you might find she will respect you for it, she is human too. Good luck with her and the new one. Dawn

No you are not - your mother-in-law must realise you have enough on your hands with 3 lads and one on the way and not feeling tickety boo. Perhaps she could come for weekend or so when hubby can be in charge of her. But failing that your priority is your lads and coming baby. Ann

What's the point of her bein there if your hubby gonna be at work? You sound like you have a houseful already. Your not a wkd stepmum. AL

Kylie - you've not been well, you're pregnant and busy as it is! For your health and the health of your family I think for you to be looking after a teenager is a bit much! Try and take it easy, it's for your health and the health of your unborn baby girl. love becx

Just realised she is in UK - then there is no problem - it simply is not practicable at the moment. Perhaps - maybe - after the baby is born - maybe he could phone/email - explain to her. She could be in a mood with her mum and decides she wants her dad - in a couple of weeks it could be something different knowing teenagers. Ann

Hi Dawn easier said then done because she was the firstgrandchild and a girl she has always been treated so different to the others she has always had her own way with everyone except me if she dont like whats for tea they make what she does like and to my kids you eat it or starve im not a cafe but everyone has always treated her like ababy hubby included he always says she is my daughter and i only have her one daya week so i gotta be nice and i cant cope with this

Hi Kylie, This really is not doing your blood pressure any good, i have four kids myself and i know its not easy at times. You need to sit your husband down and tell him the plain truth his little *princess* is not the only female in the world who needs pampered, you do too. Dawn

Kylie, Aren't you on bed rest at the moment? There's just no way she can come over. What about her school work? Crista

You are not a wicked stepmother - you have to look after yourself and that little baby you are carrying on, and more stress to add to what it sounds like you already have, is definitely not on for you now. Can you have a word with your doctor and ask him to tell your husband you will be hospitalised if the stress continues. Maybe the thought of coping with everything without you around would put your hubby off saying yes to his spoiled daughter. Sounds like he should be spoiling you. Lots of luck.

Hi Kylie, I don't think anyone would say you were a wicked stepmother. You have to consider all the angles, and if you really feel that you couldn't cope with having her around, then you'll have to be honest with hubby and tell him why. Obviously I don't know the details of your situation, but I gather the last time you met her it was in the UK and things didn't go too well. Do you think it's possible she could be different away from home, and maybe this would be an ideal opportunity for you both to get to know each other? Best wishes, Carole

hi carol ann i lived in the uk for 10yrs and Amy was 2and half when i met my hubby but i have cried so many tears over all the stuff this child has caused that i have had enough and thats why i left the uk and returned to oz

Sorry Kylie but I agree with Brian - I know from experience what a pain in the rear step-daughters can be but we know they exist when we meet their mum/dad and are part of the deal. She sounds very needy to me and isn't it quite natural that she wants to stay with her dad? - having said that of course she would have to live by your rules the same as your children do.

Isn't it strange that all the female replies to this agree with Kylie, me included, whilst the two male replies sympathise with the stepdaughter. !3 is an awful age to be (I do just about remember! LOL). My elder daughter wasn't too bad, but my younger daughter put the family through hell. The world revovled around her (she thought) and no-one else existed. My eldest (step)grandaughter is 12 and is starting already with 'the attitude'. I also have 2 younger grandaughters, so the next 10 years or so will be fun! I do feel sorry for your stepdaughter, on the other side of the world from her Dad and thinking that nobody understands her, but you must think of yourself Kylie. Maybe she could come out in the summer holidays then she wouldn't miss any school. I know that is 3 months away, but it will give you time to adjust and get into a routine with the new baby (like that's possible with 4 kids LOL) Talk to your husband, show him the replies on here too, and hopefully he will understand that a visit is not possible at the moment. Thinking of you Sue xx

Kylie, You are not wicked or nasty but as others said, realistic. Also take on board what was said about her age and wanting to talk etc. It may be that with the baby on the way, she feels she is really missing something big and wants to be part of it. Is there any possibility of her visiting round about the time the baby is born to see her new baby brother /sister and to have time with the other siblings. I know the thought of a visit at that time could be stressful, but look at it practically and you will see that she will feel part of the family, you will have someone around who at 13 would love to help with a baby and also her dad will be around for a while. Don't say no just yet. At 13, my parents seperated and I can empathise with her a bit and my absent parent was only 5 miles away! Maybe you could chat to her on email /msn and see how things go before making a final decision. Also, your husband may be missing his daughter. Good luck in whatever you do and whatever that is will be what is right for you so no one should judge you. Jacky x

Hi, It really is a difficult one. I've mulled on this long and hard and I'm with Brian and David to a certain extent. How long is it since she has seen her Dad? I read other threads on here written by people who grew up without seeing their fathers and feel so sorry for them. Now is not a good time for you, but if you give her a date to look forward to that may solve the immediate problem. The long school holidays start here in July - maybe she could come out then. I work with teenagers and cannot but help but see it from her point of view, many of them are from split families and they miss the absent parents very much. But I do agree that you cannot have her out there until your baby has arrived safely and you have recovered from the birth. Gwynne

Looks like her mother is the nasty one - she can't cope so she's dumping her on you. Think of yourself, you have a lot to contend with especially the delicate condition you are in at the moment plus three men in the house. Thats the problem with most of us ladies - with think of others and it's about time we thought of ourselves for a change. It's alright I'm in one of those 'Don't I ever get a rest' moods at the moment. Lin

What does your husband think Kylie I think he is the prime mover in this situation? It is his daughter she is 13 and her hormones are all over the place and girls need there Dad dont they?Im sorry I dont think you can dismiss this situation if you do it will drive a wedge between your husband and his child and ultimately do the same to your marriage because your husband may resent you for it in the future.I should consider these things before you make your decision. Davexx