General Chat

Hotel Room Bruce, your dripping on the carpet......i suppose you want me to dry you as well...smiles.....course i ordered steak, youll need energy babe!

Gossipsville Police Station DAM!! Always on the phone this woman. Leaves a message. Wendy, its me, dont panic (even though im in a panic), erm, been arrested....tried to get the dryer, some thing about this money. I need your help NOW!! They say im dealing in dirty money, fraud....just get here...sniffs...please. ends call. Yeah alright, im innocent i tell you! Gets taken back to the interview room.

Sam's a long time. Hope there's not a problem. Think I'll text him, see where he is. Oh, two messages. At last one from Bruce. I'll just answer that. Bruce Tumble dryer dead. Getting new one. Used money from bag in wardrobe, hope ok? Where r u? When r u home next. Love W xx That should do. Now the other message. Oh my god Sam! What the hell do I do .... something about the money .... begins to panic big time .... those blasted £50 notes .... oh my god .... what the hell do I do .... something dodgy .... Bruce what have you been doing .... text Bruce, he'll have to come home now sharpish .... can't leave Sam at the police station .... how to go .... what do I say. Dials Sue's number .... Sue emergency, can you come and look after the boys .... Yes, it's really important. Sam's at the police station and needs me now .... You'll come, great. Fifteen minutes, brilliant. Bruce Where r u? Need to speak with u asap. Prob with money in bag. Police say it's dirty! Wendy

Hotel Room She what! He is !!! Oh my god! Why did you leave money ina wardrobe! No, dont tell me....look, we've done our part here, lets get to the airport.....pack, quick! Dont worry about your steak! Poor Sam.......Wendy will find stuff out now......ive no idea how she knows about Sam, ask her, not me! Right, lets get going.

Gossipsville. Bruce is dropped off at his car. See you later, you best go and see Wendy, she's a sucker for your lies so i wouldnt worry too much and once she see's youve been and got a dryer she wont worry....kiss...go on, off with you! Best call Andy. Andy, its Strump. Yes it all went well. Oh, you know? Yes it was a bit of an error.....Andy, please stop shouting, yes you are! Just send a solicitor for him, im sure you know one who can get Sam out of this.....thought you might. Yes dinner sounds good. Ok, see you there. Bye. Call ends. Right, get back to my Munchkins.

Yes, officer, I understand what you are saying. But there is obviously a misunderstanding here. Yes, I gave Sam the money to buy the dryer .... Why money? Well that's easy to explain, you see my husband, Bruce, doesn't believe in credit cards. You know fraud and that sort of thing. So we always deal in cash .... Where is he? He's away on business at the moment .... Yes, he travels alot. Very important job and very hush, hush. I really don't know much about it .... No I don't know exactly where he is at the moment. As I said very hush, hush .... God, I hope they're swallowing this .... No, he leaves me with some money while he's away. He gets it from the bank before he goes .... They don't look convinced .... You feel the money's not real? That ridiculous. How can it not be real .... Search warrant! Is that absolutely necessary? .... Oh, procedure .... Hell, have to buy some time. I know, 'damsal in distress' (starts sobbing) .... Yes, thank you officer, I'm alright really (louder sobs) .... A glass of water would be wonderful (blows nose of tissue) .... Tonight, you want to search tonight. But why? (more sobs) .... But, the children will be terrifed. Can't I go home to be with them (loud sobbing). Yes, officer I understand the caution (sob, sob). Can I at least make a phone call? .... Thank you. Dails home number .... Sue (sobs down phone) get in touch with Bruce please. Tell him where I am. The police have cautioned me. I'm worried the police will make a mess of the house when they come to search. Especially now the house if really tidied after I've cleared and sorted all the rubbish out .... Yes, that's right, tell him just that. Kiss the boys for me .... Oh, Sam, they told me they had charged him ... Covers face dissolveing into huge sobs .... God, how long will I have to keep this up .... Hope Bruce understand my cryptic message .... Good job I made a detour on the way here. Shame I didn't get chance to count. But it's safe .... Just keep playing the dumb damsal and I might just wing it.

Chinese Leaves Resteraunt. Sorry im late Andy, kids playing up and i couldnt just leave as ive been away....youve ordered....no thats fine, Hugh he used....doesnt matter. Champagne? No, course i dont mind, but did you sort Sam out? On bail, is that good? Oh well, if you know the Judge, thats fine....i think. Wendy is? What in the clink? Oh my god! Gor gods sake send that solicitor to help her! Why not? Yes i guess it would look a bit suss, Hugh used a solicitor he, oh you have, well thats ok then, yes ok i'll shut up and eat. *thinks* Thank god my name isnt involved.

*pacing up and down in penthouse* oh my god, Wendy in jail and the police have a search warrant!!! must get round there and get rid of that cash!!! *texts strump* wendy in jail police going 2 search house 2 nite meet me there, asap *send*

Chinese Leaves Resteraunt Im sorry Andy, its urgent! I wouldnt bolt out on you if it wasnt! I'll meet you later if i can....kiss....thanks for dinner. Leaves for Bruces place.....why he needs me there ill never know....sighs and i have to tell him Wendy wont be home for a few days! Calls Bruce. Hi Babe, im on my way, stop worrying, im sorting it. See you in a minute. Bye ends call.

Languishing in police cell. Surely by now the police have finished searching the house. They can't have found anything. I'm sure I got all the money. Unless Bruce had some more money stashed somewhere else. Oh, my god. What if he has!

Penthouse Andy will sort it all Bruce, he says she will be home by next week. My other Nanny is helping Wendys friend with your kids, dont worry. Thank god Wendy had the sense to get rid of the rest of the money! Yes, a glass of wine babe please.

Have the police never heard of air conditioning. I'm sweltering in the cell in this damn weather. Typical of me get myself arrested when Britian has decided to have a summer. Couldn't pour down as usually. Oh, no, sun cracking the flags and I'm baking. Look on the positive side. I should weigh loads lighter when I get out, it's like a sauna in here! Surely they can't hold me much longer and the question they asked my last time gave me the impression that there clutching at straws. Good job I had the sense to post that key to myself. Smart move .... I think .... Oh, I wondered how the boys are. I do miss them .... wonder what story Sue or Bruce have told them to cover by absence .... gosh, it is hot .... couldn't have murder, oops, bad choice of words, but then again I could murder a large chilled white at the moment .... bangs on cell door ........ Oh, officier would it be possible to have something very cool to drink. It's dreadfully hot in here .... smiles sweetly and very young looking officier. Blooming heck, I'm sure that one must be on work experience. He doesn't look old enough to be out alone.

Gossipsville Prison Now look here young man, ok then Mr who ever you are, let her out now, the paper work is done and Wendys solicitor has told you to release her....NOW DO IT. Please, sorry i am calm, its just been so awful. An hour later. Wendy! Hugs, oh am i pleased to see you! What took them so long letting you out? You had to put your make up on, yes, oh and wash your hair, right, yes, it looks, well it looks very nice. (thinks) WOMEN!! Lets get you home. Bruce? No idea.

Oh Sam, thank goodness that's over. Hugging Sam back .... mmmmm that feel really good. Steady girl don't get carried away, you hear about this sort of thing. Keep a girp .... oh, but it does feel soooo nice .... Back to reality. Hopefully that the last I see of that place. As I said, thank goodness it's over. At least I think it's over. Although I'm not so sure. Taken a long time. I'm sure it wasn't that long. Couldn't come out of 'prison' looking all dedraggled. What would people think. A girl's got her self respect to think about and running a comb through my hair and a bit of lippy is not too much to ask .... an hour .... oh, was I that long .... time flies when you're enjoying yourself (sic) Where's Bruce? .... Oh, you've no idea .... has he even been in touch. So, Sam, you think he's keeping a low profile .... (thinks)while I've taken the heat. Well, let's all I've got to do is keep up the damsel in distress act for the police, pretend I know nothing about the money, which I don't really, expect that I've stashed what I could find away safely. He's got some hard questions to answer when he surfaces .... What, oh sorry Sam, totally lost in thought. Just going over what's happened over the last few days. I wasn't ignoring you and I'm really pleased you came to get me. It's so thoughtful of you. I must do something to say thank you .... steady there girl, your off again, get a grip .... How have the boys been? Have they been asking where I was? It's not like me to just up and leave them. Sue is such a good friend. What did she tell them? .... Oh, I've been to a heatlh spa for a few days rest and relaxation. Well I suppose that's as good a cover story as any. Can I use your mobile please, Sam? Just want to text Bruce. See if I can raise him .... Mine, oh the police took that. Want to examine it for whatever. (Sam handles over his mobile). Bruce Am out of jail! Where the hell r u? We need to talk urgently. Wendy Hope that does the trick .... recognise the number? Oh, I hadn't thought of that. Never mind, it might give him something to think about. Serves him right, leaving me to take the heat.

Manor House Andy, you must leave now, people will see you other wise. Course im glad Wendy's out, god knows what Bruce will tell her.........oh my! Nooooo, gooooo now! I'll deal with this money, i'll pop up to London.......now gooooooooo! kiss, yes ok, kiss, now go! smiles, i'll see you in London

Back home .... Sue's done a wonderful job looking after the boys. Not sure who that other woman was. Sue was rather vague .... something about her just turning up saying she'd been sent .... Bruce's name was mentioned. WHERE THE HELL IS THAT MAN!! Blast him, he still hasn't answered my text. Have to try another tack. I could send him a text saying I think I'm pregnant. That should get his attention. Damn, the police still have my mobile. Have to wait until Sam gets here .... mmmmmm .... Sam, he sooooo attentive. Have to watch your step there girl. Things could get very complicated. Huh, as if they're not complicated enough at the moment. Phones rings. Could that be Bruce? .... Oh, hello Mum .... Yes, of course I pleased to hear from you .... What's been happening? .... (not going to like this call, think fast girl, stick to spa story) .... Oh, I went away to a health spa for a few days .... didn't I mention it before, yes, won a competition .... yes, it was a lovely surpirse .... (you can say that again) .... sorry mum have to go someone's at the door. Puts down receiver, runs hands over face. Can't do too many calls like that, I'm becoming a nervous wreck!!! DAMN YOU BRUCE. WHERE IN THE WORLD ARE YOU?

The Angel Pub in London You know, theres me a nervous wreck and you make it all look so easy! One thing Andy....how do we get rid of diamonds? Look at the size of this one, even makes mine look small....sighs....Bruce, well he's gone AWOL, hasnt called me, nothing......what do you mean he's on a mission! Where? Saudi....oh great! Your letting a blonde tanned guy who drowns himself in lager into a dry country! You better be right Andy....whos with him? Dont know him, well i just hope this Guy fella looks after him. No, i dont want a drink and no i dont want to go to bed! Im going home to see my kids. Yes if you must, Rose is your mum after all, so i cant stop you, but please, im not ready for the locals seeing you, all think theyve seen a ghost! They both drive back to the Manor House.

Enjoying freedom in the garden with a large glass of something very chilled ... pondering over recent events .... still no word from Bruce .... I'm beginning to think he's done a runner .... takes sip of wine and looks at key on table .... mmm, wonder if I should leave the bag where it is or move it somewhere else .... if only Bruce would get in touch. Maybe I should text him again, he may be in a bad reception area. Text Bruce on newly acquired mobile. He won't recognised the number but here goes...... Bruce Safe at home. Pls text. Need to talk urgently. .... should I use emotional blackmail, the pregnant idea .... no, on second thoughts definately don't want him doing a runner. Police hv my phone. Need some answers. Wendy Oh, is this wine off or something. Feeling a bit queasy.

* somewhere in Saudi Arabia* WhAT do you mean we cant have a drink???? and how come i cannot get a signal on my phone over here?? i have people who will be wondering where i am , after all i did leave in a bit of a hurry, and i'm not too sure about your cover story, i mean Who the hell comes here to shear sheep???? i haven't seen anything but camels since we arrrived!! and how come YOU have to keep my passport? and why are you not answering my questions??? c'mon mate level with me here, i mean no shelias ( unless you like the Top to toe black look) no booze, no barbis and no phone!!! eh? you brought me all the way over here cos some bloke called Andy wanted the coast clear? what coast? Strump? what's she got to do with this, and how do you know her? wait a sec....this bloke Andy he's MR BIG? and he 's moving in on Strump?? oh shoot *thinks i must warn strump somehow, and need to get a message to Wendy, oh hell, i hope shes not still in jail* Bruce starts pacing

Creeps round the back...mmm, no kids, but Wendys there. From behind puts his hands over her eyes, guess who! God, sorry, didnt mean to make you jump like that. You ok, you look a bit peaky. Bet you havent eaten....thought not, so i bought some chinese round....first i want a cuddle from my favourite girl! Youve gone all of a wobble....sun and wine dont mix darling...lets sit in the shade. Any news? Oh well, no news is good news (thinks) and the longers he's away the better.