General Chat

I wonder how many of you realize that a body left for "research" or "medical science" is actually used only for dissection by medical students?


That is the reason for the body being refused after a postmortem has been done, because the integrity of the body is no longer there ................ indeed parts of the body and/or tissues may no longer be there, but have been removed for "further tests".

We have an organisation here called First Memorial Society.

It costs $10 to join. You fill out a form with what you wish to happen after your death ........... funeral or not, where, what kind of "container", where to put body or ashes, form of service if any, music, etc etc.

OH and I joined about 10 years ago ......................... sent in the forms, kept a copy for ourselves. They keep the forms permanently (we hope!). When one dies, a member of the family phones them, are sent the forms, and know exactly what to do.


We both have said cremation. My form says that I would prefer not to have a church service, but would agree if the survivors wish to have one, in which case "they are to use the following hymns".


A form of memorial service is very common over here .................. often called a Celebration of Life, or a Toast to the Life.

It's commonly held anywhere from 2 weeks to 6 months after the death.

The coffin or urn of ashes may or may not be present

Always present will be at least one photograph and mementoes of the dead person.

Sometimes there will be semi-official speakers, sometimes people can just go to a microphone and tell their story about him/her.

There's food and beverages (alcoholic or not) either during or after.


It really becomes a very nice way to celebrate the life of someone.


That's what I would like.




But can anyone tell me why we eulogize and praise someone, say how much we liked them, after they are dead ................. but never do it to their face while they are alive????? :-S

I agree with Sharron. My husband wanted to be transported across the sea. No way did he get that wish. It was very important and still is for my daughter to have a place to go locally to remember and grieve for her father. He doesn't know - well I think he doesn't. The arrangements should be left to the bereaved.

I'm approaching 70 now and really must put my affairs in order. There is a will but out of date and the paperwork is all over the place.

Vera

No we do not have a joint bank account, we are not a couple....we both had rooms in a shared house and we both had trouble with our landlord so we got a house between us....My parents know we are not a couple, but not sure what his family think?
I have no idea how much money he has, if anything and he has not made a will

In answer to Jax,,
I'm presuming you don't have a joint bank a/c., so I feel sure the money would come out of his estate. If all he owns is a car, then that would have to be sold to make up his estate.
When a person dies their bank account is frozen until their will/probate is sorted, meanwhile the only outgoing payment the bank will honour is a funeral director's bill.

his kids would pay unless on benefits

sally w <3

I would like to know, who is expected to pay for a funeral if not a married couple?

I am still legally married and have enough to pay for my own funeral...but HID who is not my partner (we just share a house) has no money Just a car worth a couple of thousand a computer and a bed the rest is mine....would I be expected to pay if he went first or could his kids get the bill even though he doesn't have much to do with them?

I don't want to bring that up in conversation as it makes me sound mean :-D

I hope all of us who have had to arrange a funeral for a loved one have tried very hard to do what we think or know the deceased would have wanted, it is the last thing we can do for them.

If a living person plans the funeral they want, then it is up to the loved ones to go along with their wishes................no matter how hard it might seem at the time.

OOh Dizzi that has reminded me.

(This cemetery was opened about 1990)

The plot directly behind my parents in law....
The ground has never been disturbed and about 2yrs ago, a headstone was erected.

Name: *** * ****** ( Full name inscribed)
Born DD/MM/YY
Died:

We think the man has made all the arrangements ...but is still living!

My x hubby died last year he arranged his whole funneral even down to who would carry his coffin and what they would wear!

Totally brilliant until his nasty daughter get her Auntie involved and the auntie told us what was ment to have happened ............Nasty nasty people getting involved are the worst of all

We did as my x wanted and didnt listen to the Auntie but to this day she and the daughter say we should have listened to them coz now ...the daughters two brothers didnt get to carry the coffin!!!!!! to our knowledge my x hubby HATED them and he wasnt the sort to HATE people !!!

R I P my x hubby we did it your way ....end of

His heavy rock music no hyms no god and a good party for him after ...

Arrange it and make sure the people you trust carry it out END OF

My friend died a few years ago and it was a crematorium funeral..
Once the casket had entered through the curtain, her husband and young children left the room for about 20 minutes.
They are a Hindhu family, and were witnesses to the actual incineration !

MY OH HAS ARRANGED AND PAID FOR HIS SEND OFF

It could lead to all kinds of trouble if a man's wife tells him to get his affairs in order and he thinks she has found out about them! ;-)

I have said before they can upend me in the wheely bin for all I care, I would want them to have whatever helps those left to get over the loss, that's assuming any of them miss me :-(

The one thing I meant to say in my last post was when SIL died she also had a cheaper coffin which was made of basket weave...it was beautiful and of course did not cost as much as a full wooden one

I have just asked HID what he wants me to do if he pops his clogs before his parents do

They are very religious and his BIL is a vicar so they would want the full works...As his parents are a couple of hundred miles away they wouldn't want to come down here...so told him I will send him up there in his box and they can deal with it....As he wouldn't get any hymns and prayers with my family...not that he would want it, but wouldn't want to upset his parents

My ex business partners husband died very suddenly, he was forty-three years old. When she was going through his papers she found his instructions for his funeral. He was a Biker and ex professional photographer for famous rock bands. He was also a none believer, and requested a humanist funeral. He arrived at the Crem on a bikers hearse (hearse and motorbike on the side) accompanied by a procession biker outriders , who then stood as guard of honour. There were no hymns or prayers, but his step son, who is a well known actor stood up and spoke so beautifully with love and humour about his “Pop” . During the service heavy rock music was played, as we left the Crem Chapel the curtains were left open, to the sound Thin Lizzys “The Boys are back in town”
It was so different to anything I have experienced before, but so reminiscent, and a fitting send off for this man, and more importantly it was just what he wanted. Everyone went to the wake at his local pub and said he would have loved it. it was his choice.

RIP

My mother donated her body for Research as far back as 1955 - she died in 2003. All arrangments to send her to Research were duly carried out until they discovered she had had a post mortem - They did not want to know so a funeral had to be very hurriedly arranged.

They did say all those years ago that when they had finished the family could have her back - we told her when you go to them that is it!!

We went to a neighbour's funeral a while back. He was a non-believer and had said he would like a woodland burial. His family arranged this but after his biodegradable coffin was put in the ground no-one quite knew what to do. We all stood around until another neighbour said "Shall I say something about S....? After that the deceased's wife disappeared back to her car so we all wandered off. It seemed curiously unfinished.

So I do think that some sort of "leader" is necessary even if it is only to say "So and so didn't want a public cremation but let us all drink a toast to his memory".

Ann Glos,

Yes, see what you mean. (no funeral).! Got that a bit skewed i think.

I still see that a party/get together of family friends and colleagues would be 'the funeral', and people who have known the person, should still respect, and try to understand the wishes.

If a person wishes to donate their body fpr medical research,, there would be no funeral, but what a guesture that is. A gift for the chance of progress in the medical field.

I honestly feel that the deceased lives on in the minds of others, not in any particular place. :-) <3

my oh has cancer and wants his body to go for research so there will be no cremation or burial

my family and I agree with him if that is what his wishes

sally w <3