General Chat

wifes been nagging me for some time to get my affairs in order I/e put all insurances to gether etc . so she can find them also what bills etc come out of what bank. then she asked wether I wanted to be buried or cremated I said cremated but as I am a non beliver I did not want any body at the crem, but for the rellie,s to hold a gathering some where so they can have a drink and tell their story,s about me my ashes they can do what they like with. she aint pleased but that's what I want. she aint a bit pleased.

I think you have to remember that the funeral isn't really for you.

It is not just a way to dispose of the carcase but a way for those behind to get their thoughts together and readjust to their new position in life.

There is a bit of closure in seeing the coffin going wherever it goes which helps them to accept that it really is the end.

They do need to see the back of you!

sharron but that's what I want they should respect my wish . that's why I said they should hold some sort of gathering.

No, they want to see the going of you, not to be somewhere else while it's happening.

You won't care because you will have your decomposing to be getting on with but it will be important to them.

Oh go on, let them see you go.

Just being in the pub talking about you is just another day in the pub, gossiping and moaning. It all needs a focus.

Michael2 my OH is the same as you he wants a party send off.

Unlike your wife I know were every last penny is.

:-D :-D :-D

Sorry but I am with Michael on this, what he wants goes.
I have done it with Mother and I want the same for me, respect the wishes of the dead .

mind if he wants to be burnt with a package I would opèn it !

Crematoriums can arrange non sectarian- should that be secular? - (atheist) send offs.

An employee reads an eulogy, the curtains are closed and we were asked to quietly think of the person and say good bye. No Hymns, no prayers, no deity.

Yes, Michael's wishes should be at the forefront of her mind, but there is a middle ground.

Michael,
My OH has been nagging ME for years on exactly the same subject
I have to get myself familiar with the bills, bank accts, ins policies ect.
I have avoided it for 28yrs and.....I haven't got a clue.

come on people leave a will, who gives a danm if your offsprings don´t like, but leave a will or the government will take 40per cent of the whole estate.

Plus I think you should always allow the dead their last wishes.

Why don't you want them at the crematorium anyway?

OH says he wants his ashes scattered around the golf course.

I said I want mine scattered there too.

If I go first, I'll be able to keep an eye on him at least twice a week.

:-D

I don't know about others but I'm donating any part of me they want for medical science or a transplant need - may not have any useful part left but one never knows.

Then the cremation.................

The elderly father of my niece's husband died earlier this year.
I assume that his only son was respecting his father's wishes because, his "funeral" was exactly as Michael wants.

Whilst everone gathered at a local hotel, the remains were at the crematorium.

Nobody attended the crem... not even his son.

I agree with Sharron - a funeral is for those grieving who are left behind not those who have died

My dad, god rest his soul, was a committed atheist but we had the full works for him when he died - my mother was a practising Christian and we did it for her more than anything else - it gave us all some comfort

Re getting your affairs in order, which is a separate issue to the death arrangements really.

My OH and I have both made a spread sheet with all bank details, hints for passwords etc, pension provider details, anything we can think of because we have seen others go through the awful business of trying to sort out financial affairs etc. And we have both made wills.

To be honest I don't mind how they 'celebrate' my death as long as I am remembered with fondness, I would rather those who are left gained some comfort from the arrangements. but i have given choice of music hymns etc to save them worrying. :-)

We were at SIL's funeral the same as Michael wants gathering for the Whole Village afterwards but just family at the cremation........ the gathering was nice but the funeral was Dreadful .... Nothing! .... we were not prepared for an empty place and told to think about the person if we had someone would have perhaps said a few words (but they were said at the gathering) ... we just sat and sat then one of daughters said "let's go" ... the 2 daurs were so upset by it all, as were we it did not seem like a funeral and there was no closure . I would never attend a funeral like that again.

I once attended a humanist funeral - it all took place at the graveside with readings and speeches from various people - it was unusual but quite touching

Ann that's what my SIL had a Humanist funeral think if it had been a burial we would have seen some sort of ending with the coffin being laid to rest but the coffin just lay? there and as no one knew what to expect we were not prepared for (all I can call it) an empty void ... we never even saw the coffin go through the curtains it was awful I'm sure my SIL would not have wanted her funeral like that but who knows?

That bit with the curtains and conveyor always reminds me of a gameshow. I thought of it at the first cremation I attended as a teenager and, of course, I remember every time I go to one now.