General Chat

And John " There will be reasons for your mothers remarks" sounds like you support her, I have reasons but would never inflict them on my children, suggest you go away and read the thread.

Carol

Dear Hazel,

I am a bit stuck for words after reading your post. As has been said on your thread there are lots of posters that have had similar events in their lives....all willing to be there for you.

How lovely though to have a close bond with your sister and she with you.

Annx

John - why do you have to have opinions on everything whether or not you have experience of same?

I would suggest you spend more time asking God to forgive you your biggest sins - those of envy, pride and (what you consider your gift) that of causing trouble and upset and instead endeavour to make more of humility, kindness and charity.

Well said Chris, has no experience of jack s--t.

Happy Christmas Chris :-D :-D

Oh Hazel, how awful seeing it in print. Good advice on here though. Both of my parents said awful things. I was told by dad at the age of 9 that my baby sister was to be his favourite and the sooner I grew up and went the better. I will never forget the wave of shock and insecurity that passed through me on hearing my worst fears spoken.

There isn't always the excuse of not being shown love themselves either. It was only after mum died that her sister told me how spoiled she had been as a youngest child. It all made sense then of the way she was jealous of her children, had to outdo them and spoil any happiness they had. She always had to be the centre of attention.......just like she had been as a child!

Be proud that you are a nicer person and have done well in the world despite those cruel words. Remember, the only thing we can change is ourselves and the thoughts we choose to think. You couldn't have made her change, that was up to her, so was her responsibility and is no reflection on you.

The shock will pass and your mind will stop whirring with these thoughts that have been stirred up.

I wish you well and hope you have a really nice Christmas. :-) :-)

Ditto Annx :-D :-D

Lovely thoughts for Hazel :-D

'Ditto' what answer is that,.

Please leave the thread which you have no experience of.

Getting really wound up, this thread is very dear to my heart.

Carol :-P

Happy Xmas Hazel.......... :-D

Stay intouch on this thread and you will have support.

John - consider looking after your own before you interfere on threads like this so insincerely (as usual) :-| :-| :-|

Please don't allow this to become a "John" thread - ignore.

My very best wishes to you Hazel.

Sue, sorry,but I am angry, I will ignore :-D

Carol

I know of a third sister that hated the fourth sister because she was no longer the " apple of her dads eye"

Bob

If I comment on a thread like this, it is because it has moved me and I was very sincere in the comments I made to Hazel on the first page. Of course I am not supporting her mother. Of course I do not have any personal knowledge of the pain those notes have caused. And I think it is wonderful Hazel is doing her best to get on with life and make a success.

But it is surely a natural human emotion to feel sympathy. And I regret once again I have caused grief. It definitely was not my intention. I was hoping to add my little word of support and just sometimes you can say the right thing that someone wants to hear.

Hazel,
That must have been a shock, reading it in black and white - but you're your own person now.
As others' have said - it was your mother's problem. You were the innocent victim of what can only be described as a selfish woman.

Take care <3

Hazel, I am sad for you that you had to read the words that confirmed your knowledge and feelings on not being wanted. It must have cut deep and I hope you won't let this push you backwards from the strong person you have become. It's lovely that you had a strong bond with your sister, I hope you can support each other still and know that it was your parents' loss - you were not at fault and it was obviously something to do with your mother's childhood that stopped her being able to love fairly and generously.

Try not to brood on the contents of the file, but continue to plough your own furrow and talk to us on here if you need a friendly ear.

Have a nice Christmas, onwards and upwards in 2013

Lizxx

my goodness,
such wonderful and uplifting expressions from all on these boards, just what I needed at the moment.
reading and inwardly attempting to digest my file from 50 years ago, did implode on me, but after reading and re-reading others heartfelt messages had brought me back to my general state of balance and understanding.
one day I will either ritually burn "the file", or simply put it away and forget about it completely.
thank you all.

Happy Holidays Hazel :-D

Hazel,I have not yet read all of your thread but it does look so familiar.

The Narcissistic Mothers thread has disappeared but I can suggest a way to find the article cited.

Type " everything she does is deniable " into your search box. There is an article which some person I think of as a deity has written articulating all the things we who have been there could not.

Also there is a site called "Children Have Rights In Society". some of which is a bit salacious but there is a bit about narcissism at the bottom of the section on self-healing.

Please read these. You will feel as if you have been disembowelled when you have but it is truly worthwhile.

well, it never occurred to me that "narcissistic" could be applied to my mother. yet on reflection, as far as in knew, her family were reasonably wealthy, and educated , but they were estranged from them, why I don't know. maybe because they too thought he wasn't good enough for her? yet she married my father who was a down to earth welsh man. come to think of it, she always aspired to middle/upper class, the same as her favourite daughter. yet my dad, myself and younger sister were bog standard. accounts for a lot .even when my mother was killed,favourite sister who was there at the time didn't inform the police that I existed ! wow, I was warned that my file could implode on me. time to lock it away in a hidden compartment of my mind!

Actually Hazel,I think I would become very familiar with it,re-read it until you become bored with it and it takes on the importance to you that it really has,which,in reality,is very little. Leave it about until it doesn't threaten you any more.

If you poke it away in your mind it will grow.

You went to approved school and I was expelled from school for bad behaviour which I now see as a cry for help coping with a situation I didn't understand.

In fact I never really did understand it until I read that article.