General Chat

i'm a pensioner, but due to certain reports in the national press, I applied for my file from the days when I was in an approved school in the 60's.
I was shocked, but not really surprised to read comments and statements from my mother, which confirmed that she had never liked or wanted me, preferring my older sister. yet it is a life changing event, that at 60plus, to read such emotive statements from my mother.
how can a mother have rejected her 14 year daughter from the day that she was born?
still shuddering from the shock of seeing it written in black and white

Oh Hazel,

You must feel dreadful and still reeling from the reports and opening up old feelings,,,,,,but having what you imagined happened confirmed releases you from any guilt that any of it was your fault.....also being the case it was,there would have been no motherly love during your childhood should you have stayed in her care,which may have led to many nasty things,,,,,,I imagine life at the school wasnt a bed of roses back then,but may have given you a grounding to be the person you are today.

Oh that is so sad for you, I don't really know what to say as I don't know how or why your mother could be like that with you but sadly it does happen. I hope that you have been able to read the file and put it away in the past .
I wish you well.

Hazel my friend we have something in common. My dear so called mother always told me I was never wanted and that she hated me. My older sister could do no wrong it was as if the stars shone out of her A**e where my mother was concerned. Thank goodness my Dad was an absolute darling and so was my Aunt who lived just around the corner , she was my 'Mum' :-)

oh my goodness, such kind replies, so quickly! unfortunately there were no other relatives close by to talk to.my mother turned me against my father as she despised him too, but through the file I found that it was only my father who tried his best against the odds.my younger sister was also despised, even being told she wasn't wanted.
over fifty years later, a very painful time.
wish I could shout it from the rooftops to all, think about the damage you are doing, put your children first!

This is one reason I spoil my children with love. I vowed I would never be so hateful to say such things even in a quick temper tantrum. I can honestly say I have kept true to my word though at times they could be right little B*****s ;-) :-D.

yes, you are right, but ending up as a homeless youngster, I wasn't equipped to be in any relationship. a spiral of despair followed, then I came across my mentor, who inspired me, becoming a successful businesswoman. but, I must admit, a deeply damaged one, still battling of events so long ago.
I feel strong, reading these replies, is helping so much.(I have read the file twice, but haven't made sense of it all)

Hazel,

You may have took the brunt for her hatred towards your father,?






If you have difficulty in the coming weeks relating to this new raw information,,,please seek out someone to talk to who will ,listen ,understand and console where needed,,,your local council offices should display contact details of such.

Hazel. Have read some sad stories on here, but nothing like what you have been through. You must be incredibly strong as you sound quite a positive person from your posts.

There may possibly be reasons for your mother's remarks. Difficult to know what life she had led or how much love she had been shown. And we never seem to be old enough to be good and experienced parents :-( :-(

I just hope the remainder of your life is really happy - no one deserves that more than you do :-)

Not easy I appreciate but can you turn it about and tell yourself that the problem was all hers . No matter what you did she would still have had her problem as she was probably a very unhappy woman or had mental problems with relationships.

Maybe you could seek out some counselling to help you put it all its place and file it away.

Not very good at explaining what I mean .

awh, thank you all so much for responding, and your kind and positive thoughts. just goes to show that "objects in the rear view mirror are much closer than they are"
actually through genes and other sites I have found that my mothers's mother died when she was just 4, and her grandmother died when she was 11, resulting in three generations of daughters being motherless, which no doubt led to my pretty awful childhood, the circle continuing!
odd, but ten years ago, I wrote my life book, and while reading my file, I find that my observations are totally correct.
my younger sister is suffering too, I became her guardian when she was young, so we have a close bond.
I truly appreciate your replies kind people.
thank you.

Hazel - there are many of us about - try the narsistic mother thread. It may help.

i am so sorry hazel
every child desterves the best childhood possible

sorry you didnt get this hun :-( :-( :-(

but please dont let your past ruin your future xx :-D <3 <3

Hi Hazel

Don't let anyone suggest you are to blame in any way.
You were the child, don't let ANYONE lay a guilt trip on you :-0 :-0 :-0

As Chris has said, there is a support thread dedicated to children of narcissistic mothers with Sharron at the helm.

All the best :-) <3

Happy Christmas Hazel, Don,t despair, many of us have been there, And Survived,Take care. **M**. :-D :-D ;-)

Hazel, from what you state you are a survivor, a successful business woman, sometimes things like this make us stronger. I came home from school aged 8 and my mother had deserted me, lucky I still had a father who bought me up, but back in the 50's not many men did.

I know it has affected me in many ways throughout my life, but only to make me stronger for the love of my 3 children and grandchildren.

Like others have said, if you can't put this to bed do get counselling.

Wishing you a Happy Christmas

Carol :-D <3

Oh that is me with my mother age about 3/4 not a worry in the world then, but she was always a cold person, but I do still have that teddy. ;-)

Carol :-D

Me too Hazel, except in my case it was a narcissistic maternal grandmother (she brought me up from age 5), who couldn't stand the sight of me, but adored my brother. Made me stronger and able to cope with life's knocks, I reckon :-P :-D

Take heart Hazel there are a lot of us here, and know exactly where you are coming from, do check out the narsistic thread Chris suggested, heavy reading but puts things in perspective.

Carol :-D :-D :-D

Hazel I can only echo what JoyBoroAngel has said <3

To everyone else that has suffered similar <3 <3 <3