General Chat

about non-replies A global reply

*sighs*

Well, I had treatment for Leukaemia, which meant that for quite a while I had neurological problems, I don't want sympathy, I don't need it... I have lots of support and that is all I need, and have needed... I couldn't read for a while, I was busy being seriously ill, almost dying (times 3) and spending lots of time trying to stay alive, oh, and and sleeping, how lazy of me when I could have been answering my pm's and scurrying off to research for those too impatient to wait.....

There are many people with accounts still active who have suffered similar, or who lost their battle.

I am so pleased that it appears you have experienced nothing like that in your life, and I really do hope you never do.

But I am now really hacked off at the plethora of people who come on here, and complain about people like me..... every week there is at least one thread such as this.

To those people who are able to answer in 24 hours, or whatever... good for you, and long may it continue.

But for those people who, like me, get upset at this sort of thread, who are normally conscientious about answering their e-mails, but through circumstances beyond their control have been unable to, (and in my case often forget these days) I say:-

Don't feel guilty, you do not have to reply to any pm or request that is made to you if you do not wish to, or are unable to. There is no law or contract obliging you to do so. And I do hope that your circumstances change soon.

And I hope that the folk who put up this sort of haranguing thread will, in time, come to have some empathy and understanding of the fact that others may not be able, to reply, may not want to reply, and you might just have to accept this and move on!

With love

Daff xxx

Well said Daff. I'm getting fed up about people complaining about other members. None of us are perfect but some seem to think they are superior and seem to look down or get irritated by people who don't conform to how they think the boards or site should be run. Don't know if that makes sense.

absolutely..... and to be honest, I am so cross over it, that I made a decision yesterday to stay off the boards, in case I let rip!! But then I thought.... I have the right to reply/respond, and as long as I am polite, then people who complain, in effect, about ME, have no comeback if I choose to complain about THEM!

And yep.... I have taken it personally, as I know that although I tried hard to respond (Here and on Ancestry) I am only just beginning to catch up. And it has been such a struggle, then I find folk complaining on the WWW about me and others like me...... so yep, it IS personal.

Love

Daff xxxx

Sorry that was me deleted.

People don't reply for all sorts of reasons, frustrating but nothing anyone says on here will change it. Just be happy with those who are able to reply. There are worse things in life.

Daff,

I agree completely. There are so many reasons why people don't reply. As in your case serious illness, computer problems, disinterest etc. There are, I suspect, many who see a tv programme or advert for GR or Ancestry and join, put a small tree on the sites and then completely forget about it. So many change their email address, so never get any notification of a message. (I have quite a few unopened messages in my sent box.)

Have a happy day and potter in the garden for a while to chill. That is what I am going to do.

Elisabeth
xx

Well said, Daff, and I agree with all you say. I sometimes don't respond for a long time, and sometimes I get a message out of the blue in response to a query I sent ages ago! I am grateful for all responses I get, but don't 'have a go' when people don't reply - everyone has different constraints, free time, priorities, and different reasons for having their tree on here. If people 'pester' me with a whole series of messages, I am much more likely to ignore them!

Lol Elisabeth, I am having a *black hole* day.... all my energy has disappeared into it!! They are becoming much more infrequent thankfully, and I have bags more energy than I had..... but every so often, Wham!

I am going to sit tidy here in the conservatory and doze, lolol

~~~~~ to Ann xxx

Love

Daff xxxx

Hello Sheila, you snuck in there!!

I totally agree! Well, I would, wouldn't I? *blushes at stating the obvious* lol

Love

Daff xxxx

Hi Daff

I'm really sorry that you feel it's so personal to you. I'm sure no-one complaining was thinking specifically of someone in your situation but, a lot of mud has been thrown around lately and it has hurt you, obviously. My way of dealing with the non-response is to send out lots of messages at one time (sometimes saving them up) so I will probably get one message almost instantly and others when I least expect it. I find this works for me. Don't be angry Daff - the people on here are wonderful. Just remember that and ignore the rest.

Hiya Beverley.... I have actually been on the boards for a while.... this sort of thing has really irritated me for quite some time, even before my illness... I know that people haven't intended it directly for me... they use a generalisation, just as I have done... the universal *they*.

But I am one of the *they* that is being complained about. My point is that I would like the people who are complaining and getting frustrated with non-responders to stop, for a second, thinking about how angry, frustrated and cross it makes THEM feel..... and wonder WHY some people may not be responding.... how THEY have been feeling... what has been going on in their lives that means they are unable and/or unwilling to respond? Maybe that pause will help them to understand.... and ease their own frustration and impatience.

I have always been like that, it is more or less second nature to me.... and I cannot for the life of me understand how some folk can get all het up and angry because someone on a website isn't talking to them!! So to speak. There seems to be no empathy, or understanding. I have had the same, insofar as I have had non-responders. Sometimes I go back a while later and ask again, other times I cut my losses. But I never complain, as I am aware of how easily real life stuff can intrude and take over. As a footnote to that.... I never ever use the set responses, I always write my own.. and always write my own requests, with info on the family I have a connection with.

I don't like the templated list that GR have, I think they are curt and rude, and I do admit that I have sometimes been tempted not to reply to people who use them... but I still do when I am able.

The other shenanigens... well, they happen, and I am well used to them now.... the mud slinging on other issues hasn't been aimed at me, although some dreadful things have been said about people I care very much about, so that has hurt.

But it most certainly hasn't been the impetus behind this thread.

Love

Daff xxx

Oh, and welcome .... sorry, lost my manners there for a bit. xx

Hi Daff

Thanks for the welcome. I can fully understand your frustration with such people who are just so impatient. Maybe it's more the fault of the internet. Some people just get hooked on the instant response and then get angry when it doesn't happen. Just look at people with mobile phones. They HAVE to check their phone every 30 seconds to see if anyone is possibly trying to contact them. Maybe we should all slow down and go back to snail-mail. Oh, those were the days - a response would have taken weeks or even months just a few years ago. You wouldn't hear too much then about lack of response within 24 hours.

I also hate the templated list and sometimes wonder if these people who complain use them because they are 'easy'. Well, sometimes easy isn't always best. I prefer a personal message any day. I have ignored templated messages if they are the first contact because it says nothing about the person contacting you.

Enjoy your day and weekend.
Beverley

well said daffy, xxxxx

Good job it doesn't bother me when people don't reply cos if i did & was pulling out my hair over it then i would be bald by now.....i sent a message to someone 6 years about & never heard a dicky bird lol

წ.Julie.წ

nudge

Lol Julie.... bald is not a good look, lolol... Have you tried re-sending, just in case???

Thank you, Rose and Margaret. xxx

Hello Posh xxx

Mwah, Stray xxx

Love

Daff xxxxx

Daff, You got my support too.

Thank you Jello.... and welcome to the boards if you are a new poster.... I haven't seen your name before.

Love

Daff xxx

When I first started using these boards properly (which took some doing!), I used to be quite shocked at some of the threads which were posted by helpers who were annoyed at the lack of response to their work.


As we all know, GR guidelines are non existent on how to find and respond to threads so I plucked up courage and decided to add a thread of my own which would, perhaps, help those who were struggling to use the boards. That lasted for a while with a good response from new people.


Then I thought about watching the boards and letting people know by pm if they had received replies and how to find them. I wait until the next day to do this to give folk a chance to respond. I get many grateful pms back from people who had honestly thought that GR would let them know when they had replies because they would have missed out on the information found for them. This makes it all worthwhile.


99.9% of my pms are opened within a day so the poster is still obviously around. Those who open my pm but don't respond either to me or onto their thread......I mostly leave, shrug and move on. I tried to help - it's their move.


I have been doing this for over 12 months now and it takes me quite a while each day to go through the boards. My once active life is now rather curtailed by OH's retirement and ill health so I don't have the evening commitments I once had. I hope I am helping.


So pleased to know that you are doing well Daff - long may the improvement continue. Kind regards. Cx.

Thank you for your good wishes, Cynthia. I really am coming on a treat these days, lol

Yes, I know how hard you work... and I have seen for myself how ungrateful some folk are for your help as well! That is another thing that makes me cross with people who should know better, but for absolute Newbies, I am well aware and remember the nightmare of finding my way around, lol

The threads on Tips were so helpful to me when I first started off, providing me with so much information that I didn't need to ask numpty questions all the time.... and I still haven't figured out the surname board, lol

Love

Daff xxxx

I agree with your comments Daff. Some of us work full time and also have hectic home lives but still like to come on here when we can sneak away from the daily hassle. Our responses may not be as quick as some people would like but that doesn't mean we are not still interested and do come back to check as soon as we are able.

None of us really knows what is going on in other peoples lives - what their committments are or how they are feeling. We shouldn't be too quick to judge and make assumptions without all the facts.

Thank you for posting this thread

Best wishes

Frances