General Chat

Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!

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"Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror"
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(a long one but worth it)

An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a
doctor at a street light.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, "What kind of car
ya got there, sonny?"

The doctor replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!"

"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?"

"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the doctor proudly.

The Moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"

"No problem," replies the doctor.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting
back on his Moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right...
but I'll stick with my Moped!"
Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just
what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads
160 mph.


Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!
He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH!
Something whips by him going much faster!

"What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?" the doctor asks
himself.
He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph.

Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped!
Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas and passes
the Moped at 275 mph and he's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror
and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!

Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the
Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.

Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again!

The Ferrari is flat out, and there's nothing he can do!
Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear
end.

The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is still alive.

He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, "I'm a doctor.... is there
anything I can do for you?"
The old man whispers,
.

WHERE WOULD YOU BE:


IF - YOU HAD ALL THE MONEY YOUR HEART DESIRES?



IF - YOU HAD NO WORRIES?



IF - YOU CAME HOME AND THE FINEST MEAL IS AWAITING YOU?



IF - YOUR BATHWATER HAD BEEN RUN?



IF - YOU HAD THE PERFECT KIDS?



IF - YOUR PARTNER WAS AWAITING YOU, WITH OPEN ARMS AND KISSES?



SO, WHERE WOULD YOU BE?

HELLOOooo!!!!!!!!!





YOU'D BE IN THE WRONG blinky HOUSE!

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.

The puzzled Blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time deeply thinking about what he had said.

After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

always glad to put a smile on womans face P hhehehe xxxxx

cheers mate pmsl xxxx

yep Anne they sure are hun lolol

The naughty ones are the best Steve!!

pmsl hun okkkkkkkkkkkkkk

get ready i'm a coming hehehe

yep anne

did you get mine lolol

pmsl Steve...sorry x

go on be a devil and send them to me....pleeeeease xx

Did you get the joke about Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse that I pm'd Steve?

Oi and i was gonna pm ya some mucky ones lolol

changes mind now

ok so it was rubbish pmsl...but not as bad as Steves!!! lol

THE SILENT TREATMENT


A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

awwwwwwww fanks joy hehehe

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

throws tomato at steve

yeah I've got quite a few of those as well steve lol xx

you will have to pm them to me lol x