General Chat

It's good to set boundery, if you feel safe with them!!!

Don't open any doors that you want opened!!!!

People change, so remember first loves are not the love of your life!!!

Hi Pink, I keep in very occasional touch with an old flame and his o.h. found out he was emailing me and was very upset, altho there was nothing in the emails to cause her concern, we are just acquaintances now who keep in contact two or three times a year. He explained to her who I was and she is now comfortable with things.
I do think Felicity has said most of what I would have said tho, if there is such a strong problem with you by this woman, then maybe better to bow out and leave them to it. How much would his stopping contact affect your happiness? Too much nostalgia isn't always good for a person.
Lizx

It does make a difference if there are children for you both - but there was no indication of that in the original post. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I had the distinct impression that this was a relationship of the 'old flame' variety.

I disagree too that the 'problem' is with wife and her 'trust issues'. Few people would be happy with their spouses having little 'tete-a-tete's' with an ex, no matter how platonic they were claimed to be. Getting together because of joint issues with children/grandchildren is required and different altogether.

Tricky one this.
I talk regularly to my ex of 21 years - in fact he's coming to say at the weekend for our daughter's birthday. He was married for 12 years to the homebreaker - and I used to go round and visit them both!!
It's a matter of trust. I was never alone with him when he was married, because she was who she was and judged everyone by her own standards. I told her early on in thier relationship that leopards don't change their spots - he was a tart, as was she.
I met all the other women he went out with while married to her, and every one since - the last one in the New year - after he had stayed here over Christmas (we were expecting the birth of a grandchild), and she had spent Christmas with her family.
We have a purely platonic relationship - probably a better reltionship than when we were married.

I have always been there, as has he and women he has gone out with have to accept that occasionally (maybe only once a year) we will meet and talk, his children will turn up unexpectedly etc - all 3 of us are his baggage, likewise any man I see has to accept the ex will turn up occasinally.

If his relationship is stable and your intentions are purely platonic, his wife has nothing to worry about - apart from her own insecurities, but if there is the smallest crack in their relationship and you turn up after all this time, you could widen it.

maggie

Do what you feel is right Diana, but if you think it will cause trouble between him and his wife I would leave well alone, for his sake.

It's a shame you can't meet up with him and his wife, then she might not see you as the threat, she obviously thinks you are!

I don't think you're doing wrong, the issue of trust is obviously hers.

Sadly, my first love passed away, but if he was still alive I would still talk to him regardless of who he is unless he did something to make me not want to talk to him anymore. I still talk to my ex, we've been split 4 years and I still have feelings for him but am mature enough to put them aside. I always ask him how his girlfriend is and how things are with them and once or twice might even have offered him honest/genuine advice to help things be better.

Every situation is different, but I can't think of any benefits for either of you in keeping contact going when you know it will upset his wife. It's irrelevant really, whether or not she is being reasonable, but she is his wife, and it seems to me insensitive and selfish on his part and at the very least an unkindness on your part to put him in the position of having to choose.

Maybe she's being unreasonable in carrying a grudge all these years, but that still isn't the point. If he was your 'first love' you're still playing with fire and if she finds out she may add 2 and 2 and make 5 causing irrepairable damage to their relationship.

I don't want to seem like a damp squib, but is it worth it? How would you feel if the boot were on the other foot? Sorry, but you did ask!

Oh gawd, I didn't mean to sound so school-marmy!

Was trying not to make it too long-winded. I suppose I meant that it's likely to be 'backward' looking rather than enjoying his company in the present or future. I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with that, but I would be worried about his wife's feelings, although I do think she seems hyper-sensitive about it!

I still talk to my first 'love' although I certainly wasn't his. He's even more of a grump than me so I'm glad we never made a go of it! xx

Sheila he reminds me of happier times........... i don't want him for myself and vice versa so is there anything wrong with it?

I would happily meet up with his wife and set the record straight but she won't have my name mentioned in their house!

No I wouldn't - only if you would choose him as a friend regardless of your past relationship. If the past is the only thing you have in common, it's not likely to be a very rewarding relationship now.

there dont seem to be any problems then ,he sounds one of the good sort,Pink,,,,

I'm here alone sweets so the bugs will only have picked up the washing machine!!!!

But there is nothing like washing dirty linen in public!

:o)

well if you all could hear

what the bugs picked up

but my lips are sealed pmsl xx

and I second that pink - she should flipping trust him after 20 yrs and be mature enough to accept that everyone has grown up since school -

i bet she was not as white as white xx

he has never been unfaithful to her in their marriage!!!! or before they were married!!

I have never been a threat..... I can't help being his first love and vice versa

if you have** flinged** with him since his marriage then perhaps kee it wide between you,,,and just remain on a wide berth friendly basis,

,
its not really fair to keep upsetting her or upset her should she find out,,,it will not help her to be trusting of him,,,,,,

secret camera added in pocket .......

now now pink watch that clasp on the bag - it activates the camera xxxxxx roflmao

Thanks for the advice............... NOT!!!!!

PMSL!!

I will always have a soft spot for him even if I never see or speak to him again!! So whether she would like it or not i'll chat to him

Its he that has a responsibility to her not me and I will never ever try an entice him away from his family!

xx

bugs

pinks handbag

LOL!!!!