General Chat

After a lot of bother with my teenage daughter who is back at my mums and on speaking terms with me, i now have another problem MY Ex whom is father to both my girls ,we split up 8yrs ago while i was expecting our second daughter his fault not mine, he went off with a younger model.Now they have split up and he has been on the phone and visiting the kids more than usual, we have talked about what happend and i gave him what for about the way he treated me and the girls financially etc. He says he is realy sorry and said that he should never of left me and that he nearly lost his girls and dose not want to be in that position again.He also said that he is not coming round just because he has split from his partner,he wants to take me out tomorrow for a meal and i dont know wether to go or not, been so used to being on my own for 8 years. what would you do, open to any suggestions Thanks Tracy (confused)

Hello Tracy Have you enjoyed being your own master for the past 8 years? Lin

hi tracy u should follow ur heart on this do you want to go out for this meal and have you still got any feelings for him? i suppose theres no harm in going out with him as long as he knows that its just a meal and nothing else not unless you want things to go further. its a long time is 8yrs to be on ur own you get used to doing things when and how you want to do them. why not give it a go just sit and talk about things and explain to each other about how u r feeling hope everything goes well if you decide to go please let me know debbie x

Hi Tracy He's insecure - gone from you to her and back to you - hmmmmmm he needs breathing space time to be ON HIS OWN and time to prove he can be a father and support them finacially. He owes you this much. I'd go for lunch, I'd keep things on a nice friendly basis but I'd not let him back into my heart so soon. He needs to earn all of this. I wish you a whole heap of happiness, as sometimes its easier said then done and above all your duaghters will have to come first - what if you take him back and something catches his eye a year or 2 down the line?? how will they feel?? Don't have the answers for you sadly - but this is what I'd be doing if it was me : ) Much happiness Debi

Hi lin Being on my own for the past 8yrs has had its advantages im my own boss, but it has been very lonely at times. Tracy

hi tracy i was on my own for 6yrs but please dont take him back just because you get lonely sometimes i did this and regretted it because my feelings for him hadnt changed i just wanted someone around at night to sit and talk to we ended splitting up again debbie x

Tracy, if you're feeling very very lonely please do not mistake your X as the solution to no more lonely days and nights. Go out with him for a friendly get together as if you are just friends and then I think you will know in your heart of hearts what to do - but take it slowly, and with plenty of caution - you have been bitten once. Anyway take care Tracy, good luck Linda

if it was me tracy i would say no.if my husband done that to me it would make me feel very unhappy about myself.you have got to ask yourself what happens when he feels like cheating on you with someone else.will you be left to pick up the pieces again.and it won't be good for the children.i say once a cheat always a cheat .you ask my father who cheated on my mother what i know of three times and fathered twins which i only found out about three years ago!

HI 2 both Debs I told him that he needs to be on his own, and as for my feelings for him i once loved him with all my heart which turned to Hate!! then to nothing, i think deep down iv always loved him, at the moment i am very wary of his intentions,i will not just let him jump back into my life like that , my girls have always come first, he says the meal is just as freinds but i think he wants more than that. Tracy

Hello Tracy, I think it is too early, not for you maybe but certainly for him. He has had happen what happened to you and he doesn't like the way it makes him feel - alone and insecure. He is hoping that you will make it all better - not your job! Remain friends of course and be friendly towards him but as for 'going out' - I'd suggest that you tell him to ask you again in 6 months. If in 6 months, he has found someone else - then you will have your answer confirmed and saved yourself a lot of heartache. Love Magsxx

Blimey, i have never met you and yet i am scared for you..... please don't let him back in your life... he left you for 8 years babe..... if it had been 8 weeks that's different.... you are a stronger more independant person now and he sounds like he's an insecure man who needs a partner and unfortunately for you, this week you are it... what happens if another younger model comes along? Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear but the saying "Somebody is better than nobody" really is complete clap trap!! Stay safe and stay clear!!

NO NO NO!! Don't do it, if it did not work then, why would it work again now? As someone said- go forward, don't look back, if you are lonely maybe you could look at ways of increasing your circle of friends, you may find new love that way too. If he really wants to take you for a meal, suggest you go somewhere with the girls aswell , they will benefit from all four of you spending time together on friendly terms.

Hi Tracy, I agree with the others. You've been there, done that, got the mug, hat, T-shirt and scars. If you want the meal, take the girls and go out as a four. Janice

Tracy That fact that you are asking for other people's opinions shows you aren't 100% sure you want to go out with him. I am sure you have been lonely without him sometimes, but everybody is lonely sometimes. It's perfectly possible to feel alone when you are with someone. Does he want to get back with you because he loves you - I don't think so. He had 8 years to do that. He wants your company now because he hasn't got anyone else in his life. I think the least he can do is to pay for you and your daughters to have a slap-up meal. Helen

Immediate reaction - he is looking for a home again and will play on your guilt feelings re the girls. If he could walk out on a toddler and baby he is a piece of s... Being lonely is not nice - I remember it well but is having him back worth it? You have had to take all the decisions for 8 years bringing up the children - where was he? Can you TRUST him? Remember you trusted him long ago and so has this other woman. If you must dine out with him - go as a foursome NOT a twosome. Personally I would tell him to sling his hook as he did 8 years ago. It is your decision but be careful.

Hi Tracy I agree with what has been said by everbody else. Just 2 things to add - Would you be happy? What do you want to do? Don't take him back because you are lonely. Love Liz

Hi Tracy - l've never been in this situation,but know people who have and always its a disaster.Please be careful - he's lonely now,no creature comforts, no one to cook and wash for him - the meal could just be the beginning of a new relationship with his cook/cleaner (please - l don't mean that to sound like you are a skivvy) but he's not daft by the sounds of it, but crafty!!!! Jude s wales

hi tracey Like eveyone else, think of what you want,go as a foursome with your daughters.if you have got through 8 yrs without him then you are 1 strong lady.don't let him back into your life just because you are lonely.There are evening classes that you could go to and meet new friends.He's s**t on you once but don't let him rub the s**t in.all it is is his ego is deflated and he needs someone to boost his moral,do his washing and make his meals.take a long hard look at him and think what he did to you and the girls.If your not sure you want to start a relationship with him again then take 2 steps back and dont go for the meal. good luck with deciding what YOU want to do. love and best wishes.sue

Hi To ALL My AGONY AUNTS Just like to say a big thank you to you all for all your advice, i have taken it all on board. What would i do without you all ? I do Not want to strike up the relationship with him again for one i am to use to having my own space and doing what i want when i want, i have become very stubborn and hard faced when it comes to men, and if i did take him back in the future (im not) i would probally treat him like S**T He knows what he did to me was wrong and says he cant change the past but wants to make things right with the kids and me , and that he is not trying to crawl back. thanks tracy

Oh, bin there, done that, got the t-shirt- my ex left me for an unflatteringly not-much-younger model and it almost killed me, it was such a shock, I never saw it coming. He kept on popping round to see me though (keeping me on the back burner, his mother said). After six years of this rubbish (what a wimp am I) he got down on his knees, apologised and asked me if we had a future together? I decided to play it cool, make him pay, not give in too soon. While I was doing that he went off with somebody else! By all means go out for a meal, wear old clothes and no makeup, keep saying "Eh? Sorry" when he speaks and look round the room. Eat a lot. Sigh a lot. When he asks you whats wrong, say youre worried about the dog/budgei/nextdoor neighbour etc. In other words, keep him at arms length, hes managed to keep YOU at arms length all these years. Be brightly friendly for the sake of your children, but remember, hes still the man who broke your heart - believe me, he'll do it again. Good luck.