General Chat

Hi Bec, Just saw your thread. Have you sorted things out with your Mum yet? I'm very close to my Dad, but he does this to me too. I was not great as a teen, but nowhere near as bad as the brat camp kids. But my Dad still loves to bring it up saying really hurtful things, then saying he was 'only joking'. He really upset me by bringing round my old (terrible) school reports to show me--I can't imagine why on earth he would think I would want to see them, as they were full of horrible comments about what a waster I was and how I'd never amount to anything. I left that school, went on to qualify as a nursery nurse and, in my job as nanny, raised 4 beautiful smart courteous children, I spent 2 years helping Dad care for Mam til she died, and helped him through his grief, yet he chooses to remember a couple of years when I was a bit rebellious! The last time he brought it up, I told him 'What a shame that, of all the things I have done and all the things I have overcome, you still can't get past something which happened 20 years ago!' When he said 'I'm only joking! I said 'Well you seem to be the only one who finds it funny, so get over it!' Might be worth trying this tack with your Mum as my Dad hasn't raised it since! Sal.x

Thanks Jack!!! My arms are still hurting but it's a great reminder of how lovely it was hugging your mum! becx

Oh Honey, I have only just seen this as I haven't been on the boards for a couple of days. I am so sorry that you are going through a tough time with your mum. Especially after you gave all those lovely hugs to my mum on Saturday. Hope things are getting sorted. Life's too short. Big hugs Jack xx

Thanks Peta! It does help to get other perspectives and advice. A big MWAH to you all! love becx

I don t know you Bec but sounds to me by reading your message that your mum seeing that programme brought back alot of memories, no bodies perfect, and like a few have sad maybe she was having a bad day or maybe she s depressed. Seems to me you have eknowledged you had faults and made mistakes but have you told your mum this? Maybe send her a bunch of flowers saying something small like 'I was once a thorn and am now a rose' type of thing, let her know you have come out the other side because she was always there to pick the pieces up, sounds like your mum is now wanting some worth,maybe she feels it is her fault you were unruly as a child, depression makes you think alsorts, hope this is of some help and that I haven t affended you. Penny

Thanks Bev I have reached a point where I started doubting myself. I can look back now and I know I wasn't perfect but I did very few things wrong and when I did do wrong I was always very sorry. I know deep down, that my mother's anger and hurt is NOTHING to do with my behaviour. She's angry at my dad and because she can't hurt him she's hurting me instead. When I told her about the new business all she did was bring up the negative points and point out that it probably wouldn't do very well. With so much going on in my life I don't need my mother to be pessimistic. Sorry for ranting, it's just I'm here alone and if i don't get it off my chest I will just get more and more upset. Becx

Bec I know what you mean about turning the other cheek, I have done that with my mother more than once, now because of some thing that happened, I might add that she didn't even tell me about it, she just decided not to speak to me ever again, when several months had passed and I called her, not knowing that she wasn't speaking to me she told me what I was supposed to have done, shocked that she didn't ask me if it was true or not, I tried several times to put things right, but now have given up, even when her husband called from the pub one night to tell me my mother was not getting any younger and that I should call her, that made me see red, I have called several times but she won't call me, and it is your falt that she is no longer speaking to me, so tell her the truth and shame the devil, well he hasn't and she still doesn't call, so as you can see we chose our friends but are stuck with our relations...but to what I have seen on here I would class you as a friend any day so chin up Bec, you might have been a little terror, but you have turned out pretty well from where I am sitting, if your mother can't see that then I feel sorry for her she is missing out on one hell of a daughter. :))) Bev

Thanks Steedie Am just wondering what's going to go wrong next :-(

did i tell you what my mum said to me the morning of the meet? She said it to get a reaction out of me, OMG did she get a reaction all right...the one and only time i have screamed at her...they say awful and dreadfulk things babe, but she will always love and care for you. The best form of self defence is attack...it sounds like she feels low and maybe not needed by you anymore...being not needed is probably making her wonder why so she has attacked. My mum said to me on saturday morning that all she wants to do is make me hurt the way she is hurting (after she came out with something awful) It was a horrible thing to say...but i know she didnt mean it. I think im rambling here and prob not helping at all...but i love ya hun and im always here for you! xxxx

Jacky, Lizloojay, Pamela, Joy, Pink Diana, Susie, Jill, Jean - thank you for your kind words. She's text me again and now she seems sad rather than spiteful but I get upset too. I may be an adult (just) but I can't keep turning the other cheek, it's slowly breaking me down. Thank you again, love becx

Dear Becs, I can't imagine ever saying anything like that to my daughter but I don't know what your mum has gone through in life or what her problems are to make her hit out like that. Having met you I think you are lovely and you can be my daughter anytime. I hope you get it sorted with your mum and you can be friends. Take care, Jacky xxx

Becs, I am so sorry you do not get on with your Mum. My own Mum has given me my fair share of grief too, so I know how you feel. (((((((((HUGS)))))))))) Liz x

Hugs to you Beck Pam

What an awful thing to happen. I am so sorry. Send you lots of positive thoughts, take care Joy

Becs.... Auntie Pink will go and bash her for you!! :O) Seriously babe, Mum's have bad days too.... you should see what text messages my Ma sends me and I still get upset and I'm 40 in August!!! :O)

oh bec! i cant imagine any mother saying that sort of thing to their daughter. i certainly wouldnt say it to mine. perhaps shes had a bad day hun.lets hope so eh? you could always be my daughter lol limmie would love a sister and you are both the same age...ooh twins!! lol love and a big hug susie xx

Becs You are lovely. (((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))) Perhaps your Mum was having 'a feeling sorry for herself day'. I have them sometimes and say things I shouldn't. Always regret it later but the damage is done. Sure she will be in touch soon full of remorse. Jean x.

Hi Bec, Sorry that you have been upset. I hope that things get sorted. (((hugs))) luv Jill xx

Thats more like it, Can see your smile coming through, Jan

I'm a very lucky young lady! Things might not be great with my real mother but I have met so many lovely people on here who look after me! Thanks guys! love becx P.S. My baby (almost 16yrs old) brother is here now and he's making me laugh :-)