General Chat

My grandparents died when I was about 10 and I was not allowed to go to the funeral, and I firmly believe that being 'protected' by my parents played a big part in my finding death and funerals extremely difficult to deal with as an adult. However, 3 years ago, I sat and watched my mother-in-law pass away and it seems as if a huge weight has been lifted from me. As a result of that experience, I am much better at dealing with bereavement and am determined that my daughter will not grow up fearing death and funerals in the same way I did. She attended her grandmother's funeral at the age of 3 and her school friend's mother at the age of 6. I did keep her from the funeral of my uncle, but simply for practical reasons - it was a school day, it invovled a long journey and she had never met him. Personally I would allow children of any age (except perhaps babies) to go to funerals of close relatives, but at the end of the day the decision you make has to be the one that you feel is right. Lesley

My son's first attendance was at 7 months and my daughter's was at 8 days. We go to church regularly and to our family christenings, weddings and funerals are a part of the circle of life. They understand about saying goodbye and missing someone but that they have gone to heaven. I was quite glad that we had approached it this way becuase a friend of my son's recently died and he could say that he was upset because he missed him and happy becuae he was in heaven. He didn't attend the funeral because he was in school but school had a memorial service for the little boy which all the children attended. Some of them cried and others comforted them but none of them were embarrassed or uncomfortable. We recently had a dedication of a memorial to him which was lovely as it celebrates his life and stops him from being forgotten or continuing to be mourned. The most important point I think is if you decide that you will be so open with your children, to remember that ultimately it is the family of the deceased who dictate whether they feel it is appropriate for a child to be present. I don't like to leave them out of a celebration of someone's life but the family's feelings are the most important. Abigail

i think 11 and 10 years are fine but a six year old.my own personal view is too young.xxxx(:

I was 10 when my grandad died and 30 years later I still find it hard to forgive those that wouldn't allow me to go to the funeral and say goodbye!! I think if the child wants to go they should be allowed!! Pink xx

My cousin died (aged 27) last month and I choose not to take any of my children (17,12 & 4) I think it was best as they don t really understand death and I think it would of been very upsetting, specially having to explain to a 4 & 12 year old the in s and outs of what is going on, maybe not the 17 year old but I think personally myself a child over 15ish is ok, unless they were very close to the person who passed I would make an exception to the 12 year old going. Penny

can i just add two things.when i was 11 years my grandfather died and i was refused to the funeral by my parents which i did feel very angry about.if a child chooses to go then that is their right especially when it is a close relative.also a friend of mine had a nephew who died.the little boy wanted to go but the parents felt it inappropriate.after speaking to a counciller the counciller said if he has asked and that is his wish it is best for the child to go as he could resent it in later life.xxxx(: