General Chat

Can I adopt you, Bec ? I don't mind in the least if you are inarticulate, we can't all be hetero. Love Len

My son has an alternative upbringing to all his friends - His parents are married and live together! I am not saying this is the only way for a child to be brought up. To me a stable, loving home is the important part.

The child should be the primary concern. Potentially condemning a child to a life in Care should not be taken lightly, especially when there is a family willing and able to provide them stability and love. Children who spend 16 years in Care are more likely to leave school with no qualifications and more likely to become involved in crime and drugs. Is it really in their best interest to reject unmarried or gay couples out-of-hand? If the couple are in a long-term and stable relationship then they should be able to apply. In an ideal world every child would have a mum, a dad and sandpit in the back garden, but this isn't an ideal world. That little girl who was taken from her bath lives with her mum and mum's girlfriend. By all accounts she was a bubbly, friendly and well-adjusted child. What do you think will traumatise her more - living with lesbians or being abducted and sexually assaulted?

Thank you Bec and its good to know love and cherishing of people count more than anything else. Theresa I agree with you, hubby and i we weren't interested in making anything legal until on our second child we were told my father could have more input on my children's future than their dad! So the only reason i am married was under protest but for my children's sake. This Country has come on leaps and bounds and i am delighted that Ireland as such a small Country thought of as a catholic strict Country is leading the way in Europe to change so many primitive laws that hung around since De Valera's time :-( The People here are progressive and forward thinking its now their voices are being heard. Pat x

Pat - Yet again you articulate exactly what I'm thinking. Thank you. xxx

I'm with the olde Crone & David on this :-) not unusual. My friend has two children she was alone bringing them up the father had absolutely no interest or input financially or any other way in their upbringing. She is in a stable and loving relationship for the past 8 years just so happens her partner is a woman but i know for a fact that her children have benefited so much from this relationship, it's been wonderful to see the difference. I come from a hetro relationship my father who didn't drink was a nasty opinionated victorian moral holding distant lazy nasty individual, I would have been better off without. My best friend is Gay he is the most wonderful person I know. He has taken on his partners 2 children and he is an amazing person who I love dearly. This is well overdue, we have it here JUST I suppose better late than never I am delighted by it. We surely are getting closer to REAL equal rights for all in our diverse society and I say I am glad I am witnessing it. This old fashioned idea that parents have to be a male and a female will pass just like the notion that black cannot mix with white. Equality is what we are talking about. Pat x

Micheal - I spent 9 years of my life fatherless (as did my brother and sister). Despite the trauma it brought (my parent's split not me being without a Father), I like to think of myself as being a very balanced, sensitive yet mature individual who on several occasions has been told I'm an old head on young shoulders. I have friends who grew up with same sex parents (2 mums, 2 dads etc) and they have had a happier childhood than myself and my friends with 'conventional' arrangements (ie. a Mother and a Father). Give a child a happy, safe and secure upbringing... it doesn't matter who gives it to them - it just matters that they have it!

David I didn,t think you were making judgements . In my view this is a debate and what is a debate without different points of view. If every one agreed on everything or did everything the same what i boring life we would lead . Cath

I haven't read all the replies, but from what I've read so far, I'm with Elaine and David on this - especially being an adoptive mother myself. Children need love and security anyway, but adopted children need much, much more of it, through no fault of their own. x

I know a 'normal' heterosexual couple who have adopted two children, 12 years apart. To my mind, this couple should not have been allowed to adopt - they are what I would call a dysfunctional family and I am aghast that such people were allowed to adopt not one, but two, newborn babies. I believe they fitted the adoption criteria because their lifestyle matched that of their Social Worker - spotless house, brand new car every year, nice clothes etc. However, the Grandmother and Aunt both have serious emotional problems and both have an over-large input into the daily life of these adopted children. The husband has little or no contact with the upbringing of these children, he is merely a wagepacket, in my opinion. I think a child needs to be brought up with unconditional love and attention to the CHILD'S needs - not to fulfil some sort of fantasy for the parents. If a same sex couple can do this then I have no problem with it. They have just as much chance of succeeding or failing than any other method of parenting. I was brought up in a conventional two-parent marriage by respectable parents. I had a thoroughly miserable childhood. Olde Crone

My friend`s sister and partner adopted in England a few years ago after a lot of debate about whether they were suitable-now they`ve separated. Co-incidentally her sister-my friend-.. adopted too , she was married. They got a wee girl from Russia but have split up too. Rosalyn

Whilts I have reservations, let's remember that this doesn't open the floodgates at all. Only a very, very small number of gay and unmarried couples are likely to be affected - they still have to meet all the other adoption criteria first.

Yes.............. though my Dad wouldn't have chosen to be called Mum, and vice versa! :-) Joy

joy most likely draw straws over making a decision Just like a heterosexual couple LOL ! Elaine x

Yes, Elaine, I just wondering how they would decide which would be called by the ''normally'' used maternal or paternal names. Interesting reading here. :-) Joy

Joy Depends on the individial I suppose. There are a few ways to call dad such as father dad, da, papa,or such like daddy sid and daddy jack also mum mummy mother or such as mummy jane and mummy sue or one name can be used whilst the other parent adopts a pet name. Elaine x

It is good to read an amicable debate. Regarding same-sex couples bringing up children, I have sometimes wondered what name would be given to each parent . Just a thought. :-) Joy

Hi Cath No I wasn't making any judgements about you:) Was just trying to put another perspective across:)

There are a Lesbian couple who live across the road from me. They have brought up one of the partners two children from when they were small children. Both in there late teens now, both boys are the most loving, level headed open minded lads you could find Both have girlfriends. Both have friends of both sex who frequently visit. Both have had a NORMAL upbringing Both possibly went through school being called gay by other kids who have no brains, which I may say , is no different to my son who has heterosexual parents and has still been called gay at school alongside the quote 'Your dad is gay '. Both of them came through the other side of it. Kids will tease & Bully about anything.be it about gay parents, big noses or being fat or thin. No child NEEDS a mum AND a dad. As said before, all that matters is a loving home, even more so, being brought up with a caring and open mind. (Which I also teach my own kids) People who had the stigma of growing up without a father / mother in past times.may have had a hard time and find it hard to forget, but nowadays one parent families are not frowned upon anymore. ...neither are same sex couples. The whole situation is different. I think some (I did say some) people who are are against gay couples adopting, may be blinded by the stereotypical view they have of the gay community which has been portrayed in the past. Elaine x

I know a same sex couple who are bringing up children and I also know a number of disabled people who have children. They both give plenty of love to all their children. I also know people who disagree with either of thethe above having children. I was brought up by my mum. No dad since I was 7. As long as kids are loved and cared for and brought up to know right from wrong, it shouldnt matter what type of person brings them up. I dont do types. WE ARE ALL HUMAN!!! Fi x