General Chat

Exactly. It's MY generation being discussed so surely MY viewpoint should go some way to form your opinion. Just the other day Fred on here mentioned how a group of 40 + year old men got into a violent fight over snowballs in a car park. What went wrong there? Maybe not hit quite hard enough.

PS: Presentation on Wednesday Gwynne. Teacher was off.

I agree and disagree! I was smacked when I was little, not hit though, the smacks I got where usually on my leg or backside! It never did me any harm. Ive smacked my children when they have been really naughty. So I agree with smacking(not hitting). But I would never dream of using any thing to smack my kids with! Most of my friends do the same as me. But at the end of the day its up to the parents/guardians of the child. What gets me mad is people classing a smack on the leg or backside as hitting. I think there is a difference. x karen

Daniel, when you were being brought up your parents obviously instilled some social ethics in you. They benifited from that with the lovely young man you have become. BUT.... There are many who don't, and then they wonder why their children go astray. We had rules, not necessarily canes or belts, but we certainly knew the bounderies. I knew my daddy would kill me stone dead if I did anything wrong... how did I know? He never did kill me stone dead!! We just had the rules. Deanna X

I don't think smacking children is the answer. The lack of discipline and respect today stems from parents being unable to say NO and meaning it. As a childminder for 25 years I always found the 'naughty' step worked miracles. It was only used if a child was violent towards another or in extreme cases of misbehaviour. I found most of the time if I raised my voice it was enough to make the child realise they had overstepped the mark. Saying that, I did look after some wonderful children. It was the parents I had problems with. lol Jean x.

If only it was so easy to find the answers. I have 3 sons 30, 20, 14 They have lived with two parents in a loving comfortable home None of our sons have been beaten by us or school, they have been rewarded for good behaviour and privileges with drawn when not so good. The eldest son has never been in any sort of trouble in or out of the home and lives a respectable life with his wife and two small children. Our second son also has never been in any trouble, he is at university training to be a junior school teacher. But the youngest aged 14 is a living nightmare he has no respect for us or anyone else he hates school so much so he has been excluded he has had runnings with the police, he hates the word no and smash's any thing in sight if you don't give in to him, witch we don't very often. (some times you just have to) He steals from us so we have to make sure all money and valuables are locked away. He stays up all night on the phone, computer, cooking and eating. Smokes in the bed room even th'o we beg him not to. He is not on Drugs i no that for sure. ( i have him tested ) We can't leave him in the house alone as he has all his friends round and they are as bad as him. We have tried everything to work out why he is like this, and still haven't got any answers. We have had many a talk with the so called professionals, you really have to wonder some times where they get the idea's from. We as a family are being torn apart by his behaviour. If only the answers were bottled i would buy a create full.

Isn't it true that what works in one instance doesn't work in others? There are plenty of people who were never smacked as children and whose parents used other forms of discipline and reasoning but who still commit crimes and have no respect for anyone. They often have brothers and sisters who responded well to their parents methods. I've met plenty of people like that but they don't tend to speak up in discussions like these. When children get to be adults they are then responsible for making their own choices. I also know adults who look at the way they were brought up and how they behaved as children and decide to change. Haven't many of us said when young adults 'I'd never let MY child behave like that' and then found it's not so easy when you have one of your own? Some would say that the adults in a childs world ultimately only offer guidance and the child eventually makes their own decisions as to how to live their life in adulthood. As for 'it happens more nowadays' - of course it does, as the population has increased by many percentage points and people behave more badly in larger numbers not less so. This issue is far too complicated for there to be one easy answer - to smack or not to smack is not the question. :-)

My daughter works in a home for children whose parents are unable to control them. Obviously she cannot touch them but they can touch her - she has been thrown down onto the floor and kicked, has had a broken thumb, been half strangled and often has bruises on her body where they have just hit her. If these kids had been disciplined properly when they were small they might have made a decent life for themselves. Instead they're just mindless little thugs ( of both sexes).

Diane, You posted your reply as I posted mine. You make my point exactly. Thank you. I really feel for you and your family. Best wishes, Felicity

Im 40 this year (groan creak) What people of my generation cease to remember that they was once the younger generation whose parents began each sentance with 'In my day' or 'The kids of today'. IWhen I was growing up in the 70's I knew of plenty of 'Bad' kids, Im talking about theives, family gangs and bullies. I remember one lad at primary school, he was the class thug, he had the cane more times than I can remember, It diddnt stop him from being bad, In fact, it diddnt stop any of the people I remember as being thugs at school. One lad died at 18 after drowning after being chased by cops.. They were bad children who grew into bad adults. I was smacked as a child, a smack not a hit...and not very often. Ive smacked my children when younger, alough taking privelidges away now works better now they are older. If you are bad, you are bad, regardless if you are smacked, beaten, or not. The youth of today are taught more social skills, manners etc at school that we ever were, I for one think the majority of young people get a rough deal bercause of a small minority. Elaine x

Unfortunately Elaine it is not a small minority... you only have to try to get off a bus as the school children are getting on to know there is a distinct lack of manners in todays society. Try walking down the street when the teenagers are congregating in groups... they simply refuse to move to let you go by... many times I have had to walk in the road to get round them. Good manners are the bases of any society and they should be taught in the home and by example. Jean x.

Jayvee, I disagree there were many incidents of crimes involving children years ago just as there are today, as I said before we didn't have such media coverage then. Karen, can you explain the difference between hitting and smacking, they are both one and the same, both assaults. M.

I have smacked my children Beating is assault...smacking is not. I have never assaulted my children.....ever....and oppose strongly to being made to feel that I have.

Morfydd, I'm not sure about Karen's definition of smacking but I disagree with you that they are one and the same and both assaults. If you watch any mammal with young and some non-mammals too, you'll find that they control the young ones with a physical action when appropriate. Deer, cows and horses even kick their young out of the way if they're trying to nurse and mum has had enough of them. Babies that climb over adults get a thump when the adult has had enough. I've seen adult elephants rush over to where a group of calves are fighting and lay into them with their trunks to make them stop. The list could go on and on. Young humans are like young anything and there are many ways to teach them that the adults are in charge. Young humans are not necessarily the listening, reasoning creatures we'd like them to be. To my mind, smacks and hits differ in their severity and the reason why there are meted out.

I will stick by what I said smacking and hitting are one and the same thing. If I decided to assault someone, I don't think the police would let me off if I told them it's ok, I only smacked them. Using violence is not the way to solve things. M.

Harlowgirl Elaine Well said! x karen Morfydd i agree wholeheartadly with Elaine. I would never assault anyone. When one of my daughters was 4 years old she ran into the busy main road, luckily no cars was coming! I gave her a smack on her backside! Is that the same as a parent who throws their child round the house and hits them round the head for not doing their homework! Or kicks their child! I would never hurt my children!

Karen, it is very easy to use two very extreme examples to compare hitting and smacking, but I will still stick to my opinion and nothing will sway me from that. M.

Morfydd I will still stick to my opinion that there is a difference. Karen

That's fine Karen, we will agree to disagree. M.

Karen & Elaine are both right - smacking and hitting children are very different things - you only have to look at a dictionary to understand the difference:)