General Chat

I ususally forgive may not forget BUT if you hurt my kids not on. Some one hurt my daughter ( family ) and that has been the end of them as far as i am concerned . Took about 5 years to speak but no further than passing pleasantries. Germaine x

I think forgiveness is something you grant (or not) if and when it's asked for. In other words if someone admitted that they'd wronged me and asked me to forgive them I would try and do so. However I don't think the same principle applies when the person hasn't acknowledged that they've done anything wrong.

Well it really depends what it is that they've done, and whether or not it was deliberate and/or malicious, and of course how many times the action has been repeated, if someone constantly lets you down - thats difficult to forgive. Some things are unforgiveable, but in many cases yes, I try to forgive, its better than living with bitterness.

Helen - absolutely right there. There are only a few things are really unforgivable but they would have to be really serious! Most things as you say are forgivable even if you don't speak to the person again. There is someone who is (or used to be) a member of GR who tried very hard to damage my reputation both personally and professionally, I pity the woman, I forgive her for her stupidity in even trying to do what she did, but I will NEVER ever trust her or a word she says ever again. So maybe I am refering to trusting rather than forgiveness! xx

Helen - i think that's my point!! I treat people how I want to be treated..... but with people I don't trust anymore, I make them aware I don't trust them and I don't abuse them, but I don't lay down dead and let them continue to abuse me either! xx

Yes I dont hold grudges never Dxxx

Carol - I agree we should try to forgive silly errors, but how often do you forgive the same person for their mistakes that hurt you before you are giving them permission to treat you appallingly?

im soooooooooo forgiving, too forgiving mainly cos i feel guilt if i dont, and then i feel sad for the person, god wish sometimes i didnt, in school teacher used to say julie should try harder, well i do now, too hard sometmes

Sorry Carol, have to disagree. The incidents I am thinking of are beyond forgiveness. I am not talking about insults or unpleasantness but serious offences against another human being. It is easy to judge when you don`t know all the facts. Frances

Forgive - whats to forgive we all make mistakes Forget - err what was the question? ;-) seriously I try not to hold grudges, they only get in the way of more important things

I think when I was younger I put up with being walked over and people doing things they shouldn't. Now I'm older and maybe wiser I don't put myself up to be hurt anymore. My sister used to be the one in the family that caused trouble when it suited her and I never said a word. It all came to a head almost 5 years ago and she caused a real rift in my family. So at long last the worm turned and I thought do I need this, no. Haven't had anything to do with her since and life is so much easier. Just because she is family doesn't mean I have to like her or get on with her. Now if someone upsets me I just cut them out. Works for me.

It's very odd. I used to bear a grudge for ages but I have matured in the last couple of years. As I see it now, in many cases, not forgiving someone and holding it against them is a poison in my system and does not help me. There are still a few people I will never forgive but as has been said before, life is so very short and not worth freezing out people I love. My family have hurt me many times but they're my family and I'd rather try and forgive them and have them in my life. Becx (feeling rather philosophical)

This surely is one of the hardest things to do ? - but liberating if we manage to do it, and tell the culprit we've forgiven them. I don't think forgiveness has to be a mushy or sentimental thing. Maybe it's a case of choosing to stop holding a grudge. Anyway, It's good medicine. Could it be ourselves we hurt the most by holding onto resentment ? Joy - not daring to cast the first stone.

I never forgive those who intentionally hurt people I love, though. Gwynne

Yes, usually. If I love someone and their intention was not to hurt me but the hurt was accidental then I find it easy to forgive. I would find it very hard to forgive someone who had caused hurt intentionally but I can't remember that ever happening. Gwynne

I don't think you can ever completely forgive anyone - it's always at the back of your mind they will let you down (or whatever) again and you're always wary of it. In some instances I might give someone a second chance, but generally I don't see any point in doing so. A leopard doesn't change its spots. AL

Thanks Diana, I`ve learned the hard way! Hope you are ok. Frances x

Wise words frances!! xx

I used to be really stubborn - could not forgive or forget - all changed when someone really close died suddenly in an unforeseen accident - and yes it was too late to say sorry. Live really is to short. Dorothy

I tend to forgive, and forgive and forgive but then I finally snap and say enough is enough! I believe that life is too short to spend time with people who are deliberately unkind or hurtful. I have a rule of thumb ..... think about the person you are angry with, if they died tomorrow would you regret falling out with them? If the answer is yes, then forgive them and carry on ... if the answer is no..... leave them and move on. It may sound simplistic, but it works for me. If I care for someone then I can`t see the point in staying angry for long. Frances