General Chat

I know you've been having problems with your neighbour for a while Heather (sorry to hear it's still ongoing). The thing is we've always got on with him before - not overly friendly as I've always thought him a bit of a P***at, but we've had civil conversations and no crossed words - just don't know what's happened? Still, there may be a run in tonight - OH made a point of checking my car this morning and opening and closing the garage door (rather noisy too). Then, unfortunately, I had to open and close both the passenger door and my door on the car and, as I was driving off my arm must have accidently caught the hooter (left late so it was after 7.00am - the legal time for sounding a hooter!)! Just a one off as I wouldn't want to cause problems for the other neighbours, but just wanted him to witness what life could be like for him if he keeps on! AL

Its strange how these things happen - a perception of a situation and attitudes change. I know for ages when we first moved here I really disliked the man 4 doors down. He used to walk past, looking straight ahead with his huge lolloping alsation not on a lead and it would run up to people barking. Id said hello a couple of times and received no reaction - so thought sod him and never smiled or anything again. Then one day I was cleaning my car when I heard him shouting at the dog - I went up the drive - looked along the road and the dog had collapsed. The poor old guy was trying to get this dog to his feet. I went down and helped him and thats when I found out this guy was deaf. So there was me thinking what a snotty nosed bloke and he was probably just not getting into conversations because of his difficulty. Well after that I arranged a little cart for said dog whose back legs had gone and we got on very well. It is very strange how something which you havent even realised could have caused this bloke to get so shirty. As I said, a perception of a situation that isnt real but which has upset him.

I know what you mean Heather - I honestly have no idea, but unless I ask him outright I don't think I'll ever be any the wiser, unless another neighbour can shed any light. AL

Me being me, I'd ask him outright! 'We seem to have done something to upset you - you are going to have to tell me what it is, as I have racked my brains and dont know what we've done. If you dont tell me, then I can't put it right.' He has a choice then - he can tell you if you have done something specific. If he cant come up with anything, then you know its personal and there isnt anything you can do about it. Try not to lose your temper, or to shout counter- accusations at him, let him rant on (if that's what he does) until he finally runs out of steam, which he will eventually. (You can always go inside afterwards and punch the cushions if he winds you right up LOL) If you present yourself as earnestly wanting to resolve the problem then he has to deal with you properly, or make a pr*t of himself. Good luck with this, I know how horrible it is. OC

Thanks for that OC. I think I'll wait 'til the weekend (when I've calmed down a bit) and catch him by surprise. In the meantime, that gives us a few days to 'bump' into other neighbours! AL

Well, that's it now. Looks like they've all turned their backs on us! Don't know why. Went out to the local last night with some family and all the neighbours in their, altogether, having a meal. Seems like OH and I were the only ones in our 'crowd' that weren't invited. They just ignored us! Saw some this morning when I was out doing the garden, and they were all 'morning', 'how are you' and, to be quite honest, I just ignored them. Really funny went to lunch with family today, to a village pub we'd never been to before - only about 20 mins drive away. Going into the ladies, I bumped into one of the women who was there last night! She said 'Hi, how are you'. I just said fine and walked past. She left shortly after that. What is going on? AL

HELP... Any advice anyone??? AL

I'll try today! What do you think? Any advice? AL

No advice, and no clue from what you have said AL, how miserable to have to live in such an atmosphere........obviously someone has got some axe to grind.......the trouble is that people can say anything about you, and unless you are told you cannot put the matter right........it is all very strange, and I feel so sorry for you......

It would be lovely if a few of the neighbours moved now. I'm really cheesed off with them and their blase behaviour. Ignoring us Saturday and then talking to us on Sunday as if nothing had happened! Well, they know what they can do. It will be a long time until I speak to any of them again on friendly terms (if ever). If they need any favours or to borrow anything they needn't bother knocking at our door. In the end they lose. I'll still enjoy my home and I won't be moving anywhere. I think we can rise above this (although no doubt it will get us down from time to time) and make the situation more uncomfortable for them than they will for us. AL

Is it possible to ask another of the neighbours if they know of any problem.It will only escalate if you cant nip it in the bud. Maybe someone has been doing some Muck raking gossip which has got distorted. You will never know unless you can nail it . Good Luck .I know what it like cos we have peculiar next door neighbour who looks at us as If we are dirt on her shoe cos of some work we had done on the house several years ago. I Always say Hello pleasantly to her if we are in the garden at the same time. She replies very grudgingly.

Whoops my reply crossed with yours!

Hiya No doubt someone has been raking up the muck, but have no idea who, over what or why! To my mind they have all been talking about us behind our backs and obviously excluding us. One of the guys was having a kick about with OH on Saturday afternoon. If he hadn't know we'd been excluded he would have said something about Saturday evening, even if it was a 'see you later' or something. I am just livid with our 'friends'!! AL

Oh dear, bad enough having one lot, but a whole street full??? Id have to ask one of them whats going on. I couldnt bear not asking. You have nothing to lose, have you.

Hi Heather - the way they all ignored us Saturday night and looked embarassed, I'd rather never talk to any of them again. I just want to know either what we've done or what one of them says we've done! I really couldn't speak to any of them at the moment. We've obviously been the subject of a discussions at some stage (sad g*ts if they've got nothing else to talk about!) and I guess this has just made me realise how two-faced they all must be. In total we spoke to three of them on Saturday and no-one said a word about Sat evening, so they all obviously knew we were being excluded. AL

I have to say, you do realise - and its a shock - how little people really care dont you. I thought my neighbours really liked us - Ive done so much for the community - they are always whinging but never doing anything about problems like getting dog poo bins, or stopping the developer over the road excavate a 1000 year old hedge. It was always me they whinged to and off Id go and sort it. Never ever again. Not one have them have stood next to us when we have had all this c*** with the lot who have bought the next house to us. I have certainly realised just how shallow most people are. Hubby keeps saying to me, you expect people to be like you and they arent - realise it. Well, I have now.

Heather I feel the same as you. I was very involved in my local community and on various committees to get things sorted out. I was always the one people came to in the street and I started a homewatch scheme and used to look after houses when others went on hols, feed pets water gardens and plants, close and open curtains etc. Then we had one woman who had a go at people if they parked in the carpark and she thought they shouldn't - she and her husband would put letters on the windscreen and threaten damage to the cars if they parked there again. One was labelled nhwc and the person concerned was sent to see me as neighbourhood watch coordinator. I explained that I hadn't put the note there and went to see this woman who denied it completely but her hubby made her look stupid by coming through and saying yes, it was me. I told him not to do it in my name and she went off on one, saying that was what neighbourhood watch was about, and if I didn't back them up, she would leave the scheme. I told her that was her choice but she couldn't claim reduced house insurance if she was not part of the scheme at which she started calling me as a single mum etc etc and got very irate. I did raise my voice and told her to leave if she felt that way. Later I had a neighbour whose house and cats I had just looked after, tell me I should be ashamed of myself for upsetting an old woman, she had called them and told them all sorts of lies and they had believed her. Since then, this second woman, someone my own age, an infant-school teacher, has been evil to me, and stirred up trouble getting a couple more new neighbours in her gang, and she started damaging my car, knocking the wing mirror when ever she passed my car in the street. She was finally seen to do it, (I had suspected her for ages) and was taken to court, but the crown prosecution misread my statement and dismissed the case, saying not enough evidence. She has been warned by the Police that if I ever suffer harrassment again, she will be the first person they call on cos they knew it was her, but it made life very unpleasant living there, and I have been staying at o.h.'s house for a couple of years now. Will get back to my house eventually and then we will see who is most popular. Sadly lots of the original people in the street have moved on or died, but I do still have friends there and will make sure I enjoy my home again. The original complainer moved away a few years ago, and has since died of old age related illness, I couldn't feel sorry for her as she was a malicious old woman who had already caused upset for others in the street before I moved there. Hope I will get back and get lots of nice new neighbours, if not will sell up and move. Liz

Heather & Liz I agree with both of you. Most people, even if I don't like them, I can endure and be polite with/to. However, I cannot stand hypocrites and liars. It seems most of my so-called 'friendly' neighbours either fall into one or both of these categories. I can have nothing more to do with them. Both OH and I have put a lot into our community and, like you, we have helped these 'friends' on a number of occasions. Well, that stops now. But, they will not hound us out of our home. It is them that are being made to feel uncomfortable. I must say, after our confrontation last night I felt so much better and had the best nights sleep since this all started. Hopefully, they didn't. I'm not upset now, I'm still furious though. They saw a side of me last night that they've never seen before. Guess I was always seen as an easy touch before, but no more! Honestly, the looks on their faces were priceless! AL

Lal It's on my 'update on my lovely neighbours' thread. AL

They've spoilt it for themselves though. I certainly shan't be doing any of them any favours in future. We will also make sure that we make their lives as uncomfortable as possible. I predict a few for sale signs going up! But it won't be us. AL