General Chat

HELP... Any advice anyone??? AL

Well, that's it now. Looks like they've all turned their backs on us! Don't know why. Went out to the local last night with some family and all the neighbours in their, altogether, having a meal. Seems like OH and I were the only ones in our 'crowd' that weren't invited. They just ignored us! Saw some this morning when I was out doing the garden, and they were all 'morning', 'how are you' and, to be quite honest, I just ignored them. Really funny went to lunch with family today, to a village pub we'd never been to before - only about 20 mins drive away. Going into the ladies, I bumped into one of the women who was there last night! She said 'Hi, how are you'. I just said fine and walked past. She left shortly after that. What is going on? AL

Thanks for that OC. I think I'll wait 'til the weekend (when I've calmed down a bit) and catch him by surprise. In the meantime, that gives us a few days to 'bump' into other neighbours! AL

Me being me, I'd ask him outright! 'We seem to have done something to upset you - you are going to have to tell me what it is, as I have racked my brains and dont know what we've done. If you dont tell me, then I can't put it right.' He has a choice then - he can tell you if you have done something specific. If he cant come up with anything, then you know its personal and there isnt anything you can do about it. Try not to lose your temper, or to shout counter- accusations at him, let him rant on (if that's what he does) until he finally runs out of steam, which he will eventually. (You can always go inside afterwards and punch the cushions if he winds you right up LOL) If you present yourself as earnestly wanting to resolve the problem then he has to deal with you properly, or make a pr*t of himself. Good luck with this, I know how horrible it is. OC

I know what you mean Heather - I honestly have no idea, but unless I ask him outright I don't think I'll ever be any the wiser, unless another neighbour can shed any light. AL

Its strange how these things happen - a perception of a situation and attitudes change. I know for ages when we first moved here I really disliked the man 4 doors down. He used to walk past, looking straight ahead with his huge lolloping alsation not on a lead and it would run up to people barking. Id said hello a couple of times and received no reaction - so thought sod him and never smiled or anything again. Then one day I was cleaning my car when I heard him shouting at the dog - I went up the drive - looked along the road and the dog had collapsed. The poor old guy was trying to get this dog to his feet. I went down and helped him and thats when I found out this guy was deaf. So there was me thinking what a snotty nosed bloke and he was probably just not getting into conversations because of his difficulty. Well after that I arranged a little cart for said dog whose back legs had gone and we got on very well. It is very strange how something which you havent even realised could have caused this bloke to get so shirty. As I said, a perception of a situation that isnt real but which has upset him.

I know you've been having problems with your neighbour for a while Heather (sorry to hear it's still ongoing). The thing is we've always got on with him before - not overly friendly as I've always thought him a bit of a P***at, but we've had civil conversations and no crossed words - just don't know what's happened? Still, there may be a run in tonight - OH made a point of checking my car this morning and opening and closing the garage door (rather noisy too). Then, unfortunately, I had to open and close both the passenger door and my door on the car and, as I was driving off my arm must have accidently caught the hooter (left late so it was after 7.00am - the legal time for sounding a hooter!)! Just a one off as I wouldn't want to cause problems for the other neighbours, but just wanted him to witness what life could be like for him if he keeps on! AL

Perhaps 13 is the unlucky year. As some of you know, we were in our little bit of paradise with wonderful neighbours for 13 years until my dear next door neighbour died and the executors sold to this pig of a man and his family who have spent 2 years now extending and renovating (sometimes at 5.30 in the morning!) and they havent even moved in yet. We have a court case against him for destroying 20 odd feet of our hedge and trees and he just plays silly buggers, offering a settlement then 4 months on renaging on it and offering us £50! He is a stupid, silly ignorant person and the wife looks like her idol is Posh Spice. Im dreading them moving in - if they cause this much trouble before they have moved in, what will it be like afterwards? I just wish I could wave a magic wand and get back to the peace we once had. I worked my butt off for this community in the last 20 years and yet not one of our neighbours have put their head up over the wall to stand up for us. They all tut tut and sympathise in private but none have come round when we have had face to face confrontations and supported us. In future I will keep myself to myself as people seem to do as the less you have to do with neighbours - just a nod of the head and hello - seems to be the best course.

If he were to say hello, I'd reciprocate - I couldn't be rude, by ignoring him. However, if he were to ignore me, I'd just ignore him straight back. As for a 'do', we're actually in the process of decorating the whole house, so we've got stripped and semi-stripped walls, carpet pulled up, etc. Also garden's looking a mess with lovely brown straw for grass at the moment and droopy plants (we have a hosepipe ban). This guy's always been a bit 'keep up with the Jones's', and I refuse to play ball. Also, lost his company a few years ago and is now working as a plumber, with a substantially reduced salary and, according to what he told OH, a very large mortgage. Maybe he's peed off that we're not keep up with the Jones's sort of people and that we have a small mortgage which we are hoping to finish paying off shortly? I really don't know what to think. OH is going to try to 'bump into' one of the other neighbours today for a discrete word. We'll see what comes of that. AL

Must admit had the same prob with my neighbour (now ex neighbour as he moved on). We'd given him loads of help with the house, garden etc, lent him tools, driven him to airports when he was going away. One day he just turned icy cold on us, had a go at me about the dog barking all the time (never mind that it was another dog barking in the garden behind him) He turned into a right pain after that - in fact he turned into a schoolboy with the swearing and two fingered salutes. He does move house a lot if that tells you anything :-))

You don't have to friendly AL, just be sickly polite. Sorry no advice, take care Heather x

How about having one of the get-togethers (a few drinks or BBQ perhaps) and asking him along personally? See how you go from there.

Anyone else got any advice? AL

To be quite honest, I don't think I would ever want to be friendly with him again. I'd never trust him again. AL

I hope you can sort it out and become good friends once again. Maybe the hot weather has been getting to him.

Hi Vanda I did read this when it was originally posted and remembered thinking how lucky we were with our neighbours! 13 years we've been neighbours and never had a crossed word 'til now! AL

sorry it should have been bedroom window just been updating my last post

Hi Vanda Couldn't find it. Has it been deleted, or am I having a blonde moment? AL

Hi Ann OH is going to try to 'catch' one (unobviously) and mention it to them. He spoke to one the other day and asked what had gone on Saturday night - she said IDIOT had his 40th birthday party. He said she seemed a bit embarrassed. I don't want the neighbours (most of whom I consider good friends) to feel uncomfortable. AL

Did you read a thread a few days ago it was called when i look out of my bedroom window you will see a lot of us have problems with neighbours. It helps to come on here and talk about it.