General Chat

Do you care for someone?

A friend is in the awful position of finding that her mother is unable to care for herself, she is 87. Such a shame it has happened at a time when my friend and her husband have sold there large house, downsized, and bought a beautiful villa in Spain, the idea was to live there for a few months then come home for a few weeks, She has someone who looks in on her Mum 4 times a week, and a friend calls in. My friend phones twice a day too. Just as they have moved, to Spain only last week, for a few months, her Mother has become unwell and looks like she will need looking after. My friend has planned this move for a few years now, she is in her 60's but her husband in his 70's, she feels that, she is torn between her new life and returning home, although her husband is very supportive, but she thinks he isn't getting any younger either. To care for someone is a very hard job, and it seems a lot of the time it comes down on just one person to do all the caring. How do you cope?

Very difficult. does she think she could care for her Mum if Mum was able to go to Spain. Would she want really her Mum with her much as she loves her!!. What a dilemma to be in

I don't but I so admire anyone who does. I don't think they get enough help though.

yes my son who has special needs he is 25 6ft 8in and 23 stone i do everything for him

Lal E you did not fail. It was a wonderful thing you did. Very hard with a family to look after. Looks like your mum knew how much you did for her xx

Difficult situation, you have to get on with your own life, but feel bad if you not physically there to care. My father in law's mother was in sheltered Housing, she was independent up to a certain age (90) altzheimers set in. Father in law had other brother's and sisters they looked in now and again but not as much as father in law he went daily to see her, even though sometimes she didn't know who he was.Carers called too with an evening meal some nights. My mum died at a young age only 67, I would have loved the opportunity to have cared for her, after all she cared for me. catherine xx

Lal you did just fine, I know how hard it was when I wanted to get my Dad somewhere, here when he had been living abroad. Lynne how on earth do you cope? I know that you love your son, but it must be so hard, no time for yourself, do you get any outside help?

yes he has carers that take him out but all his personal care is down to me and i will keep him with me until my dying days god willing

my dad who is 77 is a full time carer for my mum as she had a severe stroke in march. every morning before i go to work(6am) i go round mum and dads and change her night pad and get her in a sitting up position in bed,so that she can eat her breakfast. the carers come in 4 times a day.but in between their visits i do the personal care for mum. i have often had a call from mum while im at work asking if i can go and clean her up. between 2 and 3 every afternoon i go back round mums and hoist her out of her wheelchair and back into bed. i dont mind doing it because i love her and she is my mum. i normally get called round 5 or 6 times a day . sometimes in the early hours of the morning. it is tiring but i wouldnt have it any other way. i would rather have my darling mum at home with dad than rotting away in a nursing home.after all she is only 72. people ask how i manage well,the answer is,i have to lol. it does help though that i am a professional carer by profession so i am fully trained in manual handling and using hoists. susie

No-one cares for them Lynda!! The government value them so much that they are given £35 a week for a MINIMUM 38 hour week!! APPALLING!!

it also annoys me i get £45 a week how much would it cost the goverment to look after my son

diane i agree hun my dad gets night and day carers allowance which is £60 a week!!! its a disgrace their allowances are all means tested aswell. because mum and dad have less than £1000 in the bank they dont have to pay for the home carers to come in. the only other allowance mum gets is attendance allowance which is £40 a week. to think they worked all their lives and get nothing in return.mum was actually still working ,even on the day she had her stroke. susie

Lynne, you are doing a fantastic job, but I do hope you get some time for yourself x Susie, it's great you can help so much with your Mum, but I could not have done that for my Dad he was too far gone, for want of a better word. he was in a home in Spain, but not rotting away, his home was fantastic, but I couldn't get him home to England because of his health, but had I been able to I would have got him near me so i could visit daily, unfortunately it wasn't to be.

Susie.... get your Mum's attendance allowance increased sweetie..... she should be on the full allowance whilst needing the care that she does.... her doctor will be able to supply all the evidence you need. And if they decline then APPEAL..... they always decline at first attempt apparently!! xx

lynda sorry if i hurt you,but i didnt realise your dad was in a home. the homes around here arent that fantastic ,they are very short staffed so mum wouldnt have had the help she needed susie

diane the reason they gave dad was that mum gets £20 per month pension from work!!! what an insult eh? i will enquire about an increase. dad is struggling to buy day pads and night pads. i had a go at the district nurse and told her she should supply them.she said they dont now.but i know different,cos most of my clients have them supplied lol. when i told her this she said that she wouls sort it out. they sent day pads!!! no night pads.so of course there was me going round mums 3 times a night to change her cos she was soaked.and no way will i let mum lay in that lol susie

Susie no offence taken, I know I did everything I could for my Dad and that's good to know. Carers allowances are disgusting, As Lynne says how much would it cost a week for a good home? Hundreds or even a thousand pound per week.

exactly lynda round here the cheapest care home is £800 a week.and it isnt anything special either lol

Hi Lynda,Im not a carer, But It can happen to anyone,My mother cared for my grandmother for years,she got No help or very little twice a year they would take my grandmother for 2 weeks so my Mum could get a rest, I have to say she was a wreck for years, keeping a job going and careing for my grandmother who needed total care, she couldent do anything herself, carers should get more help. Roxanne x