General Chat

Jackie Why are these children not having breakfast at home???? OC

OC Don't know sorry, I don't know who the children are, but I do think that the parents should be making sure the children are fed before they go to school. It doesn't take much effort to make a couple of slices of toast and/or some cereal after all. I think some people are not coping looking after they're children as well as they should and the school is picking up the slack. What they should be doing is getting parenting help for these families. Jackie

Maybe parents who cannot feed their children should have part of their benefit diverted to the school, so that the school can feed them. Surely the dullest of the dull realise children need feeding? OC

I agree with OC's first post. What is this woman doing running to the press? If she can't manage her money better or get to the school at the time she says she will it isn't anyone's fault but hers. Yes, when I was teaching the child would have been given a meal but let's not forget who is at fault here. If the mother had paid the child would have been fed. Gwynne

I'm afraid there are some young children who have to get themselves up and off to school (I'm talking infants.) I have known them to regularly come to school hungry, because there is no food in the house. One spin-off was because our school rallied round and found them food, the Mums were all too happy to let this happen. Jay

I agree with you Jackie, but some social services are less than helpful in matters like this. It IS neglect and abuse, just the same as physical cruelty. Jay

I think they know they need feeding but it's too much effort for them. Some people are too selfish to have children, they think more of what they need than what the children need. There are also some parents that think as long as their kids have all the latest fashions and toys they will be fine, but are never there for the children. Thats why I think they need parenting classes. Parenting doesn't come easy to most of us but there are some parents that just don't cope very well and not all of them are poor and on benefits. If me paying my donation every week to the school helps some children have breakfast, milk and fruit that they don't have at home I will not stop giving it. But I do think the school should be informing the proper authorities so they can help the children and these people become better parents. Jackie:o)

I think a lot of schools have breakfast clubs these days. On the issue of this woman going to the press, like I said I wondered if it was a 'sympathy bid'. Quite a lot of times you see similar stories and before you know it somebody has felt sorry for them and sent money. i hope if anyone sends money in this case they send it to the school to make sure the child gets fed. I know it puts the school in a bad light, but we have to remember it was the catering firm who refused a dinner and gave the bread, not the school. And.ás someone else has said, the initial fault lies with the mother. There is a photo of her in the paper, she certainly doesn't look undernourished or badly dressed. does that sound uncharitable? i don't mean it to but I do wonder where her priorities lie. Ann Glos

I feel desperately sorry for this little girl - she must have been so humiliated and it just isn't her fault at all and I have to say had I been there I would have personally paid for her to have her meal. However, ultimately the responsiblity for paying for meals is the mothers and she has let her daughter down badly in my opinion by firstly, not budgetting for and paying for the meals in advance and secondly by failing to turn up between 11am-12pm to pay. I would have walked in bare feet the four miles to my daughters school to get there on time rather than show such scant regard for her welfare.xx

Me too Muffy. My son has left his card home a few times and I have had to walk to his school to get it to him in time for lunch, but I would rather do that than make him do without. Jackiexx

Reading between the lines of this piece about the mother and her dispute with the school, I get the distinct impression that this not sending in lunch money is certainly not a 'one-off'. I know this happens because I worked in schools for 38 years and you did get parents who would 'chance their arm' and not send in their money knowinb that the school would take pity, feed the child or a teacher or member of non-teaching would pay. They were always reluctant to then re-coup the school. Having got away with it once, they have no conscience when it comes to doing it again whenever they are short of cash. I don't want to sound unsympathetic but the more some of the parents got away with, the more they took advantage. As for being short of money. I was a single parents, being a divorcee, and I was even too proud to apply for free meals and paid for my child. Sometimes I agree, it was hard to rake the money together, but I was prepared to skimp on my own food rather than let him go without. A typical ploy would be to call him in from play, present him with a good cooked meal and when asked where was mine, would reply Oh I've had mine while you were out playing - a great big fib of course -- I had beans on toast later. Surely this Mum could make an effort to ensure she pays for her kiddies meal or as many have suggested send in a packed lunch. You cannot as a parent put the onus on the education system to feed your child and take the responsibilities off your shoulders.

The headteacher's comment is, I feel, very telling: 'We have, on numerous occasions, provided meals and accommodated late payment from this parent' THIS parent not any parent, so it's not the first time there has been late payment or possibly there has been no payment at all? What were they to do? The lunch the child was given does appear to be meagre but we don't know what else she was offered. We all know the sulky 'Don't like that, I'm not eating it' and when you look at what she did have, a banana on its own would have offered sufficient nutrition for a lunch. Am I being simplistic in thinking that if the tax credit or whatever arrives on a Wednesday then that should be the day the mother pays for the whole week in advance? It is hard to manage on benefit but not impossible. It's a case of cutting your coat according to your cloth - and yes, we have been blooming hard up in our time! People on benefit with three children were better off than we were with two and my husband in full time work but we qualified for no help at all. My children never went hungry. I may have had only one bra that I had to wash out overnight but my children were fed and clothed (albeit in second hand things) before anything else. I feel that perhaps this lady could do with some help - not only in budgeting but getting her priorities right? Mags xx

I find it deeply distressing to think that ANY child has to get themselves up and off to school, never mind a primary school child. Mine all had to be shoe-horned out of bed every day anyway - says much about the home conditions if a five/six year old is motivated to get themselves up and off to school. These women need parenting classes alright - and they should be made compulsory when the schools know that neglect is going on. Sometimes I think we live in a horrible world. OC

Shelli sorry have been out. When I phoned the local school welfare service and asked about it they said they knew how I felt and wasnt fair but out of their hands they are telling people to write to local MPs so that they are aware of it as well, to be honest I havent done anything about it as mine have sandwiches apart from tiddler who actually gets hers paid for by school as do all the other 7 full time nursery children, will have to start paying in September so now this has come up again may send letter off to MP anything is worth a try must be sooooooo many people like us that would rather earn a pittance than be unemployed while others can get more than us but get free meals.

My son always had free meals as I was a single parent receiving benefits, and there was a scheme in place that if the child didn't want hot dinners, my son was a bit of a faddy eater, they got prepacked sandwiches instead and could choose and order from a menu for the next day, so he almost lived on tuna and sweetcorn on wholemeal bread cos that was his favourite. He always had a good breakfast, often beans on toast, another favourite, or cereal and a banana, if we were late as he was hopeless at getting ready in time (still is!)and he would eat the banana on the walk in, and he always had a cooked meal in the evening, and cereal before bed too. He drank milk instead of fizzy drinks and was strong and healthy. When I was a dinner lady there were kids who came in with rubbishy stuff in their lunchboxes but at least their parents had made an effort. This woman needs some sorting out, budget and nutrition wise, so she can look after her child properly, I wouldn't be surprised if the child is not fed well at home either but I wouldn't mind betting the mother smokes! I too would have bust a gut to get to the school in time if I had promised to do so with the money. I can't understand all this so called poverty, it is written about so much in our local paper, there are certain estates in Norwich where the kids often seem deprived and I have seen for myself the way some families live, but it is because their priorities are all wrong. The government keeps pumping cash into these areas, where does it go? I used to do party plan with jewellery (anyone remember Trumps parties lol) and the number of times I would be invited to an address on these estates where the furniture would be awful, big holes in the sofa stuffed with an old pillow, coffee mugs so stained and dirty you would accidentally leave yours to go cold, rather than drink from the mug, kids scrawny and scruffy, yet the parents found money to buy gold jewellery. Always friendly people with lots of mates, relatives etc to attend the parties and buy the goods, but they always seemed to smoke, and have money for the fripperies of life, rather than essentials like comfortable furniture, cleaning materials etc. Yet they all received the same amount of benefits, so why was it that some folk could do well with it and others not manage? Time for lots of tuition in schools before the youngsters follow in their parents' footsteps. Liz

Well said Mags and Liz, my thoughts exactly. She doesn't live in my village but I don't know how she can go publiic about this issue without being a)embarrassed or b) ashamed. What on earth will her neighbours think? Ann Glos

two comments on the story by e mail, one of which is mine. Surely if the mother does not get money until Wednesday, then she should save the £3.50 for the following monday. However, that does not excuse the attitude of the School and their supplier. Granted, they need to ensure meals are paid for, but the health of the child, who has no fault in this whatsoever should not be put at risk. Sodexho are a very large company who should be able to affort to have a buffer and not have to hold a childs health to ransom for the sake of a couple of hours and £3.50! Mr B Kirby, Gloucester It is not clear if the £3.50 is for one day's meal or an accumulation but if for one day, that sounds excessive for a child. However, if Mum has a problem on Wednesdays because of her cash flow, why doesn't she give her daughter a packed lunch that day? Anything would be better than dry bread. I appreciate that this may be an ongoing problem and we may not have the full story, however, nobody should see a child either go hungry or be exposed to ridicule from her peers. I do feel the school could have been a little more accommodating for the child's sake, and the catering company could at least have put some sort of spread on the bread. we no longer live in victorian times. bread and water (with or without a banana) sounds very like a punishment to me. Mrs A Knight, Churchdown

Maybe the authority that issue these benefits could offer classes to educate families on living within their means, then all parties would have an idea of what a struggle bringing up a family on a very tight budget can be. I'm not for one moment sticking up for this woman and agree 100% with many of the comments raised by previous posts, we would walk over hot coals to make sure that my boys are all well fed and provided for,often going without ourselves to ensure they are provided for. The whole Tax credit system is a mess, my family income is currently less than if we were on benefits but we still have to pay full mortage, full council tax, are not entitled to any help with schools meals(so they all have pack ups) or school uniforms, so they have to make do with hand me downs, but at least we are all together in a loving contented family.

Maybe a thread such as this is good in more ways than one. It educates those of us who have no family at home in the difficulties of bringing up families today. These measures that were brought in with so many fan fares as being wonderful inovations by the current government to help needy families don't seem to have been thought through. They seem to have left many caught in the trap of earning too much to claim but not enough to live properly. it is not just young families caught in the poverty trap but many pensioners too who are being left to fight for survival on a pittance with the ever increasing costs of council tax and fuel bills. Ann Glos

Dawn thanks for getting back to me. At daughters school, she has a cash card...... this card can be capped or have unlimited spending. Daughters is capped. If any of the girls forget their card, they can borrow a card from the school office to get food, on the condition it is paid back the very next day. Daughter has forgotten hers a couple of times, but she'd rather go hungry than ask the office for help, so she 'borrows' the money from a friends card and pays the friend back the next day. Can't see the difference in asking the office or a friend but there you go who understands the minds of teenagers???