General Chat

That's it join in..............I didn't mean it.........

Right ladies perhaps you'll take notice now.............

The Perfect Day According to ... HER 8:45am Wake up to hugs and kisses 9:00am 5 pounds lighter on the scale 9:30am Light breakfast 11:00am Sunbathe 12:00pm Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe 1:30pm Shopping 2:30pm Run into boyfriends ex, notice she's gained 30 pounds 3:00pm Facial massage and nap 7:30pm Candle light dinner for two and dancing 10:00pm Make love 11:00pm Pillow talk in his big strong arms

I just want you back for good Whenever I'm wrong just tell me the song and I'll sing it You'll be right and understood

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.... HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN Show up naked, with beer....

How to Shower Like a Woman 1. Take off fourteen layers of clothing you put on this morning. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing robe and towel on head. If you happen to see boyfriend/husband along the way, ignore juvenile 'turban-head' jokes and run to bathroom. 3. Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out stomach so as to complain about how fat you're getting. 4. Turn on hot water only. 5. Get in the shower -- once you've found it through all the steam. 6. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone. 7. Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lemon shampoo with 83 added vitamins. 8. Rinse hair. 9. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lemon conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes. 10. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red and raw. 11. Try to wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Java Cake body wash. 12. Complain bitterly when you realize that your boyfriend/husband has once again been EATING your Ginger Nut and Java Cake body wash. 13. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that all the conditioner has come off). 14. Debate shaving armpits and legs and decide that you can't be bothered. 15. Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you get a rush of cold water. 16. Turn hot water on full and rinse off. 17. Dry with a towel the size of a small African country.

How to Shower Like a Man 1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing a towel. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her. 3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs. (No.) 4. Turn on the water. 5. Check for pecs again. (Still No.) 6. Get in the shower. 7. Don't bother to look for a washcloth. (You don't use one.) 8. Wash your face. 9. Wash your armpits. 10. Wash your willy and surrounding area. 11. Wash your bum. 12. Shampoo your hair, do not use conditioner. 13. Make a shampoo Mohawk. 14. Open the door and look at yourself in the mirror. 15. Pee. 16. Rinse off and get out of the shower. 17. Return to the bedroom wearing a towel, if you pass your girlfriend/wife, flash her.

Knock knock.............anybody in

THE MANS GUIDE TO FEMALE ENGLISH We need = I want It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now Do what you want = You'll pay for this later We need to talk = I need to complain Sure...Go ahead = I don't want you to I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

ok George! 8.45 Turn over for hugs & kisses.....smell breath and turn back again 9.00 50 pounds lighter ( he hasn't noticed his wallet is that much lighter) 9.30 Bacon sani (get your own!) 11am Sunbathe...waited on by oiled muscled hunky guy) 12 noon Lunch with friends 1.30 shopping (50 quid don't go far!) 2.30 Run into Ex............quickie(it's more than I get normally 3pm facial massage 7.30 Candle lite dinner...see more interesting guy at bar 10pm make love 11pm get back home to wake up the next morning next to the guy with poo breath!

Have I lost my touch

cool well done Kim

THE WOMEN'S GUIDE TO MEN'S ENGLISH 'I'm hungry' = I'm hungry 'I'm sleepy' = I'm sleepy 'I'm tired' = I'm tired 'Do you want to go to a movie?' = I'd eventually like to have sex with you 'Can I take you out to dinner?' = I'd eventually like to have sex with you 'Can I call you sometime?' = I'd eventually like to have sex with you 'May I have this dance?' = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

Try this then

Women's Vocabulary....................Fine - This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use 'fine' to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

is anybody reading this???

Tom I'd stop at the 'I'm tired' matey if you haven't been got at by the then movie is out of the question! do you have any other tacticks? Kim

Good to see you back makes a nice change to have a fun thread Valxxx

I am alone, so very alone I hurt, so very bad I am ignored, just thrown aside I am security, for others to have I am lonely, there is no one close, no one sees the pain I cry, hope is gone I am alone, and no one knows

I am still reading Just you that you give me a fag break in between! Kim