General Chat

Because the ladies know all the below... ;-)

*** Women keywords and their meaning ***

1. FINE

This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about
but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will
cause you to have one of those arguments.

2. FIVE MINUTES

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your
football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I
feel that it's an even trade.

3. NOTHING

This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually
used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out,
upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will
last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".

4. GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows)

This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over
"Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

5. GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows)

This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will
get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing"
and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

6. LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very
misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot
at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and
arguing with you over "Nothing".

7. SOFT SIGH

Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few
things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is
to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

8. OH

This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that".
Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night". If she says "Oh"
before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that
she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not
expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence
usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get
out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows "Go ahead" followed by acts so
unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.

9. THAT'S OKAY

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man.
"That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you
retributions for what ever it is that you have done.
"That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with
a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". At some point in the near future when she has
plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

10. PLEASE DO

This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to
come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is
that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful
and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

11. THANKS

A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome.

12. THANKS A LOT

This is much different than "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when
she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in
some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to
ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".

You have to remember that according to women, there are only two things wrong with men

Everything they do

and

Everything they say


Andy

Lovely to have a men only thread. Have just asked OH if it alright to add to it and she said "Fine. Go Ahead" :-S

Just goes to prove, ignoring what women say can't be wrong :-D

(Damn, just filled in that hole in the garden ..... :-S :-S

well it sure ain't gonna stay a men only hread that's for sure :-D :-D

I thought it wouldn't take long before this thread would be gatecrashed by females.

GP

Gatecrashed!!!!!!!

I think you meant graced!

:-D

Men are from Mars, women from Venus. Never the twain shall meet springs to mind.

I was really looking forward to some interesting topics of conversation on this thread but alas we have been gatecrashed by another specie so our standards may have to be lowered ;-)

GP

Tuts.


Sniffs in disgust!


:-D

lowered indeed - surely you must mean enhanced :-D

Hello Ann.

Nice to see another of the fairer sex on here.

Still don't quite know what a chocolate bar and a lady razor has to do with the price of fish!

Can you explain please Trafiklitedol?

[Flutters eyelashes]

The Rules

The FEMALE always makes THE RULES.

THE RULES are subject to change without prior notice.

No MALE can possibly know all THE RULES.

If the FEMALE suspects the MALE to know all THE RULES,
She must immediately change some or all THE RULES.

The Female is never wrong.
If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said.

The male must apologise immediately
for causing said misunderstanding.

The MALE must never change his mind
Without the express written consent of the FEMALE.

The FEMALE has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
The MALE must remain calm at all times,
Unless the FEMALE wants him to be angry and/or upset.

The MALE is expected to mind read at all times.

The MALE who does not abide by THE RULES
can not take the heat, lacks backbone, is a wimp.

Any attempt to document the RULES
could result in bodily harm.

If the FEMALE has P.M.S., all THE RULES may be null and void.

The FEMALE is ready when she is ready,
The MALE must be ready at all times.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Check your oil! Please.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

When you learn what a roller cam is, we'll learn what damask is.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn’t really matter what the hell they're saying anyway.)

It is not in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that - it's like camping.
:-D :-D :-D

Before long this thread will be overtaken by females who just can't resist a peek at this newly formed thread to see what we superior beings are up too.
;-) ;-) ;-)

GP

When I married Mr Right, little did I know his first name was Always!!!!!


:-D

A Woman's Ultimate Fantasy...

Ask any man, and he will tell you that any woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once.

While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.

:-D

Say goodnight Gracie!









Goodnight Gracie!!!

:-D

I wasn't thinking along those lines BR but that's me I suppose.
I'm glad I got that off my chest before the females invade us again ;-) ;-)

GP

A woman without a man is simply a wo

A man without a woman is like a cat out of water