General Chat

yes shirley this thread is not about SN children,no one would comment on a SN child being in nappies at 4yrs old,these children have enough to cope with,and toilet training is the last thing on their parents minds when trying to cope with anything else. these children are healthy children without healthcare issues who"s parents cant or dont teach them normal social skills.x

Unfortunately our step grandson still wears pull up nappy pants and he is 12 in June.

He has special needs and goes to a school for children with problems, he has a chromosome abnormality.

He has been under a paediatrician since a baby and wasn't doing well. living with his mum.When our daughter married his father they eventually, with the blessing of social services, went to court some 7 years ago and got custody of him with his mother having weekend and holiday access.

he has come on in leaps and bounds and will go for a pee by himself and in the last year has got dry at night BUT he seems to have a mental block about sitting on the loo to poo. He doesn't seem to mind . no matter what is said to him , having a dirty bum.

He feeds himself and uses a knife and fork but they still have to have a plastic place mat on the table and a plastic sheet under his chair because he is messy.

He is encouraged every day to do things for himself , he is now reading but cant write or control a pencil to do so. He is a whiz though on the PC !!

Unfortunately his mum doesn't encourage him at all lets him do as he likes and has no disciplinary boundaries set for him and then complains because he has been a complete pain all weekend .

The problem is it takes him a couple of days to settle down again after each contact visit with his mum and both the School and our daughter get the brunt of his behaviour till he slips in again to his routine,

He does have autistic tendencies so a routine is essential but He doesn't want to get a routine going with his toileting.


i realise his problems aren't what the article was about though, but was lazy parenting by some with "normal" children

Since yesterday, I do recall being told about a 6 year old still being in nappies. In all fairness he was SN, but his father couldn’t accept the fact. His mother’s English wasn’t as good as her husbands, but all the same was embarrassed about it, and recognised that ‘something wasn’t right’.

Because of the lack of co-operation from the authoritarian Father, the ‘Statement’ process was taking long than it should, hence lack of funds to employee a SNTA. In the meantime, the school was phoning the mother to come and clean up her son when he needed changing.

I dont think it is always parents not being bothered. I think sometimes parents do not have the skill themslves or the interlect to share what they do know appropraitely,

On the original topic - nappies.
My neph was clean & dry quite late - he really didnt grasp the idea and he was getting on for 4 by the time he was relyable and happy to use the toilet. He refused to give up trainer pants though. He did start school in them - just for the one day when he realised everyone else wore pants.He never wet the trainer pants, just seemed to need the security of wearing them. Even when he was a bit older, he couldnt explain why he'd wanted them

ive seen this problem first hand,and to say i was shocked is an understatement.....A few yrs ago i did some work in a barnardo"s creche.
children were between 3 and 4yrs old,and the reason these children were at the creche was because the parents were next door taking parenting classes,you may think that im talking about teenage parents?but no,most of these parents were in their middle to late 20s, with a few teenagers mixed in.several children were still in nappies,some drank from bottles,not one of them could string a sentence together,and some had no language at all.during snack time,some would eat fruit ,but most of them would not touch it,and only a few could name one or two fruits,one little boy came to school one day with coffee in his bottle and one came to us carrying a bottle of coke.

the only reason these children are behind is because the parents cant be bothered to teach them and would rather let someone else do the job.
i have a 2yr old grandson,who can count to 50,knows most of his colours,can sing songs,is toilet trained,has lovely manners,knows the names of every part of his body and loves books,thats because his parents took the time to teach him(and they both work)...... :-)

Reading about tying shoelaces - teaching my son had me beat - I tried putting a lace through cardboard and having him stand opposite me. Nope. However help was at hand, teacher understood and about 6 months after he began school went on holiday to parents and first thing I said to my brother was 'teach your nephew to tie his laces' - job done - brother was left handed also.

reading that article today I was horrified at reaction the teacher got upon asking a mother to back her up in telling her son he must not spit at other pupils. Mother erupted and made formal complaint to headmaster who in turn, told teacher to apologise.

What chance have these kids of growing into good citizens?

LOL Hayley, for a lot of things I am left handed, it's a wonder my son picked it up so quick, his name starts with a K not C just to make things more difficult for him, AND he is still sane :-D

I taught all mine to write their names before they started school and also tie shoe laces about 5/6 they were it was easy with my boys as I am right handed and they are left so their foot on my knee when they was sat in front in me no problem, but with the my daughter as she too was right handed it was harder.

At Junior school in the 1990s children were encouraged to have school dinners to learn social eating, we had already taught our son to set the table and to eat at the table, after a week or so of school dinners he had picked up the bad table manners and we had to stop using a table cloth til he was good again (stopped spilling his food and drink).
Before he started senior school we were told to get him used to wearing shoes because trainers were not allowed, he had always worn shoes for school and from the age of 5 could tie shoe laces.
So my opinion is a lot of teaching should come from parents, not the teachers.

my hubbys cousin in austrailia
breast fed her two kids till they were over 5

now thats child abuse in my book BORK

Your granddaughter is very lucky Lyndi - you sound like a lovely grandmama :-)

You would be suprised at the lack of co'educating a child within a family home,,,from social skills to lack of comunication, and what appears to be the norm in thier little heads,......its an easy nut to crack though from these bad skills that have been taught at home.

Its all due to a lack of total interest by the parent/s.


our litle man is night dry for the past 5 months,,,,age 3.,,,,day dry for over a year.

My daughter returns to work after maternity leave 4 weeks tomorrow and I will be main carer for my granddaughter, who is nearly 9 months old (aren't I lucky!!).

Part of my responsibilities will be, in her parents absence, to teach social skills.

I already count the beakers as I stack them up for her to knock down or say the colours to her, and I can't wait till we are ready for colouring!
I will also eat at the table with her when she is on more 'grown up' food and I daresay she will follow me to the bathroom!!

As has been said, maybe time for this is what today's mums don't have, but these things are best learnt as part of day-to-day life from an early age.

If paid carers are taking in children under the age of 3 surely they should expect to undertake the teaching /supervision of these skills.

I am blessed that I am able to take such an important role in my first grandchilds life...........it helps that I am old enough to be retired as many grandparents also need to work!!

PS Don't I waffle lol :-D ;-)

I asked a friend of mine about this as she is a school business manager and her answer was that 'Oh yes, it is happening more and more!!' I was quite shocked too, as apart from the odd accident I don't remember any 5 year olds in nappies when I was at school. Is it because both parents are at work all day? Don't nurseries attempt to potty train? :-S

They maybe get so much per financial year to pay for check ups, or to take the payment for check ups to the full amount they say they cost. Ours cost £39 but our dentist is part NHS part private. It sounds as if they have used up their allowance.

I don't doubt that youa re not a bit bothered about having yours cancelled :-D

Well I'm guessing it would be as they were waiting for the new tax year? They were quite cagey when they phoned....but that was certainly the impression I got.

They may well kick us out once they realise the appointment isn't really an emergency ...however that's when I will kick up right back ....so we'll see ...I really don't know how these things work but cancelling childrens check ups seems like a false economy to me x

Not sure why, is it something to do with the financing? I am not sure they are allowed to do it but you are on a hiding to nothing as they could refuse to have you on their books if you kick up.

Yep NHS dentist Ann. They phoned me two days before the appointment was due and told me.

They said i could make emergency appointments for the children or for myself if we had *concerns* or *pain*but all pre booked check ups were cancelled til April....

tbh I have meant to kick up a stink about it...and had they refused the *emergency* appointment I probably would've done x

Is that a NHS dentist Muffy? If so is there any sort of patient appeals committee. Are they allowed to just cancel all check ups? Never heard of that before. that is 3 months, say one of their patients has a suspicious lesion in their mouth and mouth cancer could have been alleviated (I know that is an extreme example but it could happen.)

It may not be the case in the instance stated in the article...but what I can say about dentists ...with personal experience...is that our local dentist cancelled all appointments...even childrens check ups until the new tax year in April.

Both of them were supposed to be seen in January.....I got cross and have booked them as emergencies....naughty I know but I don't see why their teeth should have to suffer when early prevention is important...not to mention the fact that it sends out a rubbish message to them if they aren't getting regular checks....my own check up I'm happy to wait for.

Mind you..if you feed a child fizzy drinks out of a baby's bottle I'm not sure what you expect to happen fgs *rolls eyes* x