General Chat

I agree with you 100% Ann.

How can suicide be a selfish act when the person has acted while the brain is disturbed.They are in a deep dark place and cannot be responsible for their actions.In my family we've had loved ones there and have not ever 'blamed them' as we know they loved us.

Let's not speculate why Gary Speed died as he did,the inquest might tell us..or indeed never!
His wife has asked Newcastle United to postpone their memorial for Gary at St.James Park till the end of this month so she can attend with the family.

My heart goes out to her and the family
Mau XX

Personally, I would rather this tragic matter were not discussed here; at the inquest, the coroner asked the media to respect the privacy of Mr Speed's family and this they seem to be doing.

I think it is wrong to speculate or condemn when anyone ends their life in this way, and I agree totally with what AnnCardiff had to say on the matter.

I have known two suicides. Niether could be regarded as an act of selfishness. My aunt took an overdose in her late fifties. She had become housebound due to a painful medical condition, and this led to deep depression over many years. She left a letter to her husband and children, begging forgiveness. Though devastated, they understood and did not blame her for leaving them.
The other was the tragic suicide of a 14 yr old boy, whose wretched home life led him to do what he did.

In both cases, the reasons why were understood by those that knew them. In the case of Gary Speed, nobody, as far as we know, understands why he chose to take his life. We can only know that whatever the reason, the man must have been in the depths of despair.

In any case, it really is wrong to speculate or condemn, waiting as some are, for a scandal to break.

The bottom line is that a man has lost his life, and our thoughts must be with his family, and friends.

RIP Gary Speed

Tec.

Ann and others are spot on in what they say.

I must commend you Suzanne in seeking enlightenment, many don't and just trot out the old cliches and generalisations about all sorts of things without any thought at all.

There can be a multitude of reasons why these things happen and it isn't wise to speculate. I doubt there is much rational thought or 'choosing' in this state of distress, just an overwhelming need for there to be an end to it. I think it must take a lot of courage/desperation to actually do it. Not everyone is able to talk to someone about their troubles.......shame, guilt, failure, being a burden, all sorts of reasons.

Just a sad tragedy for him as well as his family and friends.

I really dont see why a reason should be speculated on. Any person who is in the dark place that they think that the only way is for them to go isnt in a state that reason can be attributed.
Unless anyone has been there then no comprehension is really understood.

Any discussion as to why Gary decided to do what he did is to me irrelevant and not my business.

I haven't been there thank goodness but I have family members who have reached despair and contemplated !!

would imagine it was something quite trivial in reality but blown right out of proportion

Ann, sorry to her about your troubles. My husband also suffers from chronic depresion. As the question was asked, I gave my own opinion, which of course stems from my family's experiences and also the experiences of my very dear friends who had to live on afterwards.

thanks Helen - my troubles are far behind me now :-)

I see someone with an itchy finger has hit the "Report" button!! goodness knows why - I feel this has been an informative and educational thread - never shy away from discussing mental illness!!

well done GR - see the opening post has been restored and quite right too!!!

Hear, Hear Ann! There was nothing offensive.

Dear All

Hello

I can only say that Gary Speed was a brillant footballer and was carving out a good career in management.

The tributes from ordinary fans spoke not only of the way he played but emphasised his genuine like of people, the love he had for football and that he was a very kind human being.

My deepest sympathy is with his wife and children.

RIP Mr Speed.

Take gentle care all
Sincere wishes
EOS
xx

The rugby match from the Millenium Stadium this afternoon - Wales v Australia - began with a tribute to the lovely Gary - very emotional

a shrine has developed outside the stadium - he had taken Welsh football to a higher level and will be sorely missed in the football world as well as in the wider world

I personally suffered the worst kind of depression Helen, for many years. At my worst I would spend days, weeks, months thinking and planning to take my life, so severe was the depth of my low mood. It is impossible for me to begin to describe how it feels. This was inspite of a loving family and a comfortable homelife. Suffice to say that the tortuous feeling inside feels incompatible with life. I had been known to even crawl to the loo.

However, for me, having experienced bereavement, I did not want this for my husband and children which was enough to make me fight and fight for my life. It is a terrible illness but I can very well understand those who do not make it.

thank you everyone one for your thoughts,anyone who knows me will know,that i to have depression in my family,my brother has bi-polar,and his son,a lovely 22yr old has tried to take his life several times,each time has shocked and upset his family especially my 23yr old son who is only 9m older than him (they grew up together) my thread was just to ask,why someone who looks so happy,whos working life is going to plan,and who family life seems to have no problems,just decides one day to end it all,its such a terrible waste of life.......
who reported my thread by the way and why?x

Hi Lavender - I do hope you have got some support from your GP and some medication that works - I'm on Venlafaxine [Effexor] and it suits me fine

Also, have you been on the long running "Depression" thread - lots of support on there too and if you feel the need to talk at any time - send me a message and I'll give you my phone number

you'll never know who reported your thread, unless they care to come on here and own up - perhaps they felt they had a good reson for it, but fortunately GR saw fit to leave it

ann,
i think it was my thread that was reported.x

...Depression......,wearing a face of a clown for all your friends and family to see....when you feel like you have hit rock bottom the only way is to crawl your way back up little by little..or you give up the fight. you have to be a very brave person to end your life..desperate. confused..or,.maybe think its the easiest way out for everyone. yes i suffer with it along with panic attacks/anxiety. unless you have never had it you can never fully understand how it feels..very easy to judge. such as "oh pick yourself up" or "think of the people around you" that causes you to feel more pressured that you have more weight on your shoulders. talking to a close family member or friend does help...but not a lot of people can do that..most prob pride or embarasment gets in the way...tough subject. I too take medication..most prob will for rest of my life..i do hide mine well. dont like to burden people with the same old same old...but i am so much better than i was..thank God for antidepressants!

thank God for the tablets!!!! Don't think it's embarrassment for the sufferer to talk about it - it's the person they are talking to gets embarrassed!!!

You can always talk on these boards Psalms or send messages to people who will lend a listening ear - the depression thread has been running for years now - to be honest I only talk about mine on these boards - everyone I know already knows what happened to me and have all been very supportive - my GP lets me monitor my own medication intake - if I think I'm sinking back a bit, I either know, or my friend tells me, and I "up" it a bit for a short time till I'm back on track again

I tried coming off it with his guidance but failed and he said it doesn't matter one jot if I have to take it for the rest of my life, so if he doesn't mind, I certainly don't!! :-D

thanks AnnCardiff. i tried to come off mine on my own without telling the g.p. thought i was doing well untill i took a huge dip..soon was running back to the g.p! she did advice not to stop unless she knows and and can help me...but at this moment in time im not going to stop them..i got fed up with taking medication..have been since 1998.. felt a failiure having to keep taking antidepessants all the time... i wouldnt wish it on anyone :( its a battle most days with my anxiety...im so glad i have a wonderful family who know me better than i know myself..my sis is usualy the first to notice if im having a off day...dont know how because i do hide it well! im also on beta blockers now..have been for past week..sure dont like the feeling of my heart rate slowing..but apparantly it was racing before and i do suffer with heart palps...do you get those?
:-S

sorry think i ought to go on the thread you advised..dont want to take over this thread..sorry if ive offended anyone in doing so x