General Chat

nudge :-D

ingrid you dont qualify,
you dont have blond locks,anorexic body,legs up to your neck,orange spray tan,a personal trainer,or a dog in a bag,oh and not forgetting the two huge melons stuck to your chest,and you drink with the butler,oh thats a no, no,you really can not drink with the servants if you want to become a real gr housewife.x

Thanks Izzy and as to the Butler that is my fault I was having a tipple with him and left the cabinet unlocked Sorry. :-D

Lol I am still laughing!!

Dear Izzy, I would be very happy to accept your offer as Head of House. As i have zilch practical skills I agree with you that management is my only way forward.

I am happy to nag and otherwise chastise wayward members of the household. I feel we should all take our part and, as a complete bitch, I am sure I have something to offer you all. Please let me know of any special occasions for which my special skills are required.

Yours kindly,

Mrs Scary of Snottyville.

i can do all of the sexy housewife bit(in my dreams) all i need is the rich hubby and the flash car(dont think my focus would pass as a flash car )
oh and the orange tan,long nails,anorexic body,legs upto my neck andlong blond locks, not forgetting the personal trainer who looks like BRAD PIT.
two melons stuck to my chest and a dog in a bag.half way there me thinks. :-D

Things I CAN do ---

nod my head.

sing (out of tune)

eat and drink.

very good at smiling

scrape burnt toast.

make sausage roll mis-shapes

So I am not entirely usless.

So pleased to be IN.

and let's hear it for us gals!.....

I can wash out 44 pairs of socks and have 'em hangin out on the line
I can starch & iron 2 dozens shirts 'fore you can count from 1 to 9
I can scoop up a great big dipper full of lard from the drippins can
Throw it in the skillet, go out & do my shopping, be back before it melts in the pan
'Cause I'm a woman! W-O-M-A-N, I'll say it again

Peggy said it first,so I'll say it again.

;-) :-D :-D

Tess and Ingrid, i am pleased to tell you both that after retrieving your application letters from under the latest edition of bunion growers weekly, the casting committee have decided that you are both in , this is mainly due to the fact that since the butler failed to lock the cocktail cabinet for the third time this week they are far too inhebriated to make any communications other than a nod of the head(as in The Churchill dog). !!xx

Okay I'll send in my CV I'm not a "house"wife I live in a van :-0 but I do stay at home each day whilst OH goes to work.

I cook mmm sometimes but I do a mean no bake choc cake and a wicked wheatabix cake.
I clean when the dustballs get too high to step over.
I make the bed each day aslong as a mutt isn't lying in it..believe me it's easier to make than convince mutt to sleep there.
I make coffee if it's too early for wine
I have an internet connection
I also have very extensive reading matter (about 400 books)
I wash shake and hang daily I do not iron. (part of my live together contract)
I am polite to friends (if I like them)

mmm I might have missed bits out but will add when I think of them after I do the dog walk

oh yes I walk the dogs when OH is at work

Dear Helen in Kent

Many thanks for your application letter for the Desperate Housewives of Genes Reunited. The panel of very lowly under qualified nobods have looked very carefully at your application and would like to offer you a position of Head of the House. You must understand that this position comes with a degree of danger, keeping control of some of the other cast members (uh hum, Hayley!!!) can be very time consuming , and may require extensive counselling.
The offer of this position will remain in place for 24 hours and we hope that you are able to make a decision on this within that time, should you decline this offer, we will be left with no option than to let Hayley have her way and become Head of the House, complete with twisted knicker elastic!!

Yours in misplaced position of trust and authority IzzyEckersLike (Queen of the dust faries) xx

I am a qualified Domestic Engineer if that qualifies.
I can cook,clean,dust,iron, wash, nurse, educate,drive,multitask,budget,shop,make beds and clean floors.
I also give comfort and discipline when needed.

:-)

Izzy may I ask about this word you use
"Housewife" what is it?

:-D

I'd like to audition because, not only am I terrible at housework and need some tips from you ladies in feather-trimmed rubber gloves (as in shoves), I also consider it a great waste of time.

I too have all the tools - including an ostrich- feather fluffy duster that the dog likes to chew - and some lovely micro-fibre cloths that do the work of 10 ladies of leisure (as in pleasure) ! I can also cook scones (as in moans) but try not to because, as my son used to chant "a moment on the lips, a month on the hips!!!"

On reflection I may not be a very useful member of your cast!

I am applying to join. You know the phrase "there's always one" well, that's me.
I can't walk in high heels. Don't have blonde hair, no good at baking (even burn toast in the toaster).

I could be the exception that proves the rule (whatever that means!). - The foil to make all the rest of you lovely ladies look good.

Tess

I can't audition for this sorry.......

coz I am a nicely kept woman :-D :-D :-D

Kim x

:-D @ For my Nanny ;-) x

You could give my cup a reading Hayley BUT I use tea bags!! :-P x

Well, about time !! i thought i was left with all this dust , my tickling stick is nearly worn out .

Thought the Gateau would attract some one.........watch the crumbs please !!

Well i can read tea cups ......... on mine its says For My Nanny :-D

I can read teacups as well :-D

>>>> rushes on.......takes a slice of chocolate gateau,thank you very much Milliemolly...mmm it's delicious :-)..........

.....and flicks a duster here and there../\ /\ /\....

Mau xx

Well i do hope i hear today if i've been successful

I've been busy baking on the off chance ,Chocolate Gateau any one :-D that should work well as a bribe !!
I do hope some one comes back soon the dust is starting to gather on here and i 'am not dusting all this on my own .

Hellooooooo