General Chat

and must be many many other similar cases. Relative suffered a massive stroke some weeks ago. He has not responded to physio, wife does not know if he hears/understands what is said, sleeps most of the time and on rare occasions tries to speak and it is unintelligible and is tube fed.

The hospital are discharging him to home, he will need a hoist and carers but wife is in late seventies - just how long can she cope? They are both caught in a trap, so sad.

So sorry to hear that Chris, his wife must be worried sick. I was't going to say anything but last thursday had a phone call from my mum to say I was not to say anything to my brother because it was his birthday the next day and they were going away for the weekend, but she had fallen in lounge at 2am she called care line who came out but she would not go to hospital. The doctor came in the afternoon and phoned me because mum had had a small stroke. But she is dening it she is home from hospital now, I did tell my brother and I went and stayed for the weekend and am going back for a week next week. We're lucky she has lived in wardon control since last July, but I worry shes 88 and very frail.

sorry I unloaded that.

lynn

It's so worrying when elderly family members fall or have strokes. I felt very sad for the man on that programme recently When Teenage Meets Old. There was a man lying in a bed, unable to communicate or move or do much at all, it's hardly living is it? More a dreadful frustrating existence and so worrying for those who love him and have to do the caring.
I hope yyur relative's wife can get lots of good carers to come in and help her.
It means a whole change of lifestyle in many cases, often it's the husbands who might still drive the car as in my o.h's father's case, and if the man is no longer able to drive, take the wife shopping or to drs or hospital apptmts, do chores or gardening, the wife is left in a real muddle quite aside from the caring aspect and the lack of companionship. Of course some of those things affect a man if the reverse happens but all in all a big worry.

I hope your Mum will be ok Linda.

I suppose I got off light really with my parents, they coped well to the end and altho Mum was lonely after Dad died despite my frequent visits and some visits from others, she could cook and do things for herself, and get out to a day centre once a week. Her third heart attack as she was getting ready to go one day, took her from us but at least she never had the worry and hassle of moving anywhere from the house she had lived in for most of her married life.



Lizx

Don't be sorry Lynn, when our nearest and dearest are ill, we do worry.

Liz I think that man was the one who had invented the electronic calculator. Such a shame.

Chris

This is indeed very sad, however it is important that family and friends know that hearing is normally the last faculty to stop, so it is very important that relatives and friends know this. I cared for many, many people in my lifetime who have had very severe Strokes and those who have come out of an unconscious state could often through gestures and sometimes speech, writing etc be able to recall what was said.
There should be a lot of information avaialbe to his family if this is not the case please send me a PM and I will try to help.

I know it is difficult but he is still a person who is locked into a devastating situation
Bridget
21.25hrs Spanish time

Bridget - my OH has been talking to her a lot as he can relate a bit with her as when I was in ICU for so long. I too have told her that the one thing I can remember from the first 4 weeks in there was OH's voice over and over again saying 'Fight love, fight, we can get through this, just fight'.

OH has told her weeks ago that there is help out there and to take it or ask for it. Their sons and dils have been talking and playing music. After 7 weeks she has not responded in any one way , not even physio. One feels so helpless and we are so grateful that although I need help and cannot do any housework, we can laugh, talk, bicker!

He is the patient but she is too. Thank you for your words.

Just tell her not to mollycoddle him.If he can do anything make him do it. \if he can speak at all make him ask for things.Do not pre-emt his needs.

Keep on talking to him and getting him involved.

Don;t whisper to him,have a bloody good shout,annoy him.Loud music,not gentle stuff.

As soon as he can do anything useful,make him do it. Folding tea towels was what I made the old man do first.He came home to die four years ago because he was making no progress but he has not had time yet.

Sharron, I like your response and totally agree about behaving normally and showing normal feeling and expressing them loud and clearly. Many people have been in deep commas for years and thought not to have known what was going on around them, but they did know, It is the same with those who have had a stroke.

Normality is the name of the game and of course some good support,

I shall remember the family in my quiet time each morning.

Sharron, that made me laugh - because it is true. When I came home and was continuing to learn to walk again with a zimmer - all I could hear was a Sgt-Major's voice - Pick up that left foot - higher. I swear if I had had the strength I would have wrapped that zimmer round his neck - but I couldn't let go or I would have fallen. My physio visited weekly and swore he was the best assistant she had. P.S. Sent zimmer back to hospital some 8 months ago!!!!

I'll have a word with her. I got the tea towels thrown at me also and the socks to match up and sort out the undies - am still doing it. Thanks for reminding me about the 'no nonsense approach'.

Bridget - thank you.

When the carers first came they thought I was dreadful for making himdo things like mak his own breakfast.

Now they hope their own families treat them the same way should they ever have a stroke.

He is off up the church hall in his electric wheelchair tomorrow for the monthly village lunch.His beer is already in the fridge.

Sharron both you and OH are worth your weight in gold!

If you only knew the weight you were refering to!

So sorry to hear about all these poor stroke victims. I used to nurse and, in those days, a stoke was the end of you: no-one expected you to pull through in any way. Thank goodness these days many people do. I used to dread it.

Liz, i know what you mean about parents: my mother died very early at 44 and my father at 71. I miss them all the time but am glad they have been spared falling and communication or mobility problems. It seems you can't win.

I love to hear about the lively elderly you all seem to know: keep 'em coming!

He is going to have his eyes tested on Tuesday.

It would probably be easier to organize a coronation,always providing the queen of Tonga is free.

We have had domicilliary optitians before but I felt up for a challenge this time because he needs a report to have his cataracts seen to. One company said they were not allowed to do eye tests in wheelchairs which was strange considering the next one could.

I have found the hardest part of caring to be the admin and organization. Of course,I don;t do much of the caring bit.He has to do it himself!

You have started me now!

The hospital looked after the old man but had no time to get him moving. He was,and still is,catheterized, which is convenient, We were led to believe he was doubly incontinent until somebody took the trouble to put him on a commode and found he wasn't.

Because he had a peg feed,the tube thing,he had not eaten for months. Nobody liked that pump or the pureed food he was supposed to eat.
We soon got over that. As far as I am concerned,if it is chewed well it is pureed,so I gave him ordinary food and made him chew it.The threat was that he would have the pureed stuff again if he didn't!

Chris, yes I think you are right, he had done good things with his life and it must have been awful for him to be so badly disabled after his stroke, unable even to end things if he had wanted to.
I hope I never end up like that.

My parents had heart problems and Mum had diabetes but at least they were both fully alert up to the end, well three days of morphine made Dad hallucinate at the end but till then sadly he knew what was going on, he was dying of lung cancer. They were both able to retain their dignity too, again Dad had to be fed and helped with commode at the end, and Mum was waiting for sheltered housing which she wasn't sure she wanted and having to use a commode in the hall behind a curtain as she couldn't get upstairs any more but that was for around a year and she had an outside loo she could use if the weather was dry and fine.

So very sad for your relative Chris and I hope he starts to get a little more movement and speech back so he can communicate with his wife. She must feel so very alone and lonely.

Lizx

As I recall,the sleeping and talking gibberish is part of the healing process.We would go into the hospital to watch the old man sleep for an hour.

I hope it will pass for this man too.At least you knowwhere they are when they are asleep!

Theold man's speech has improved because he has used it although we do all speak fluent Fred now.

I find it interesting to see whwere the muddled words come from and it has changed as he has improved.Originally it was random words,then words from his working life on the farm and the council.He called his dinner cesspit contents once,maybe he was right!

Now it is as if his mind has presented him with several relevant words and he has chosen the wrong one or one with the same rhythm.

Sharron, you have given us a bit of hope that we can pass on, thank you.

You have to remember that you are all still in shock and bewilderment. I have been there too.

The early days are all a learning process, even learning where to find the help you need to see you through it all. That is not easy,I was presented with a bag of pills,including several strengths of warfarin and no idea what he was to take. Two days later,not having given him any,I rang the surgery.Receptionist put me through the third degree as to whether I had an appointment blah blah.

Yes,I have been hysterical.
Make sure she uses the carers.It is all in a days work for them. I keep a bowl of little chocolate bars as a small token of gratitude for them.Pays dividends. If he needs commoding early they will usually pop in and do it and come back later to put him to bed.

Well we have stressed after the first 3 weeks or so to her that there is help out there and use it. At the moment she and her house have been assessed and waiting results. Apparently there is a dispute now over who pays for what as their home is in one county and the hospital is over the border in another!

OH is going to ring her son and talk to him and stress about everyone talking/being firm/ acting normal etc - all what you have said. Like in the early days with me, he had to bully me at times to do exercises - you are not lying there all day in your pit - that was a favourite one! Again he is the first to encourage/praise.