General Chat

I have so much admiration for you all and covlass, that was lovely.

Ann
Glos

Brian, you do have a big problem, although there has probably been plenty of laughter along the way, I hope.
I have a relative whose youngest son suffered brain damage from some innoculation. She and her husband found a good home for him, where he was happy, up in Scotland (they came from the London area) and they now live in Scotland themselves so they can visit him. They are both in their 80s so knew they couldnt care for him forever. I gather he is physically healthy so could last well after they die.

Huia.

covlass that is beautiful, thank you.
Mary

S is now 44, the same age as his mother was when he was born.
He is Downs with a mental age of around 4.
He cannot read, write or hold an intelligent conversation but can wash and dress himself and do simple tasks such as setting out cutlery for his mother and himself and carry out the dirty dishes.

Life expectancy for Downs used to be quite low, but the record is now 74.
It's not the sort of responsibility you can just pass on to your children.
That means we could looking after him until I am 94.

Ladies, you make me feel so humble. I have always thanked my lucky stars that my 2 children had no problems. Now I have a husband with alzheimers and I keep wondering 'why? what have I done to deserve this?' He is like a child at times. Every time we are shopping he wants a Mars bar or some such, or perhaps an icecream. When I am cooking he wants to help. I try to find some simple job for him to do - cutting up the carrots or stirring the cake. I usually have to finish the job myself. It would be so much easier to do it all myself, but he is so eager to 'help' me. At least I have the 'consolation' that this will not be a lifetime job for me. He is gradually deteriorating. It has been quite noticeable this year. I have to check out his clothes before we go out to make sure he is not wearing his tatty old work clothes or odd socks or shoes. I am learning to have more patience but it isnt easy.

Best wishes to you all.

Huia.

Glad you liked it Lynne xx
As I said it was given to me when my daughter was born I was at the stage of asking "why?" I had done every thing I should have, nearly 13 years later and I still read it every now and then.

Covlass

That is lovley and it does describe me people say I m so laid back I would fall over.

Lynne

Here you go ladies.....
this was sent to me just after my daugter was born I always have a read of it when I have an off day..........

Some Mothers Chosen By God
Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit.

This year, nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children.

Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?

Somehow, I visualize God hovering over earth selecting His instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation.

As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron saint, Matthew.

"Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron saint, Cecelia.

"Rudledge, Carrie, twins. Patron saint… give her Gerard, He's used to profanity."

Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child."

The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a handicapped child a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."

"But has she patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it."

"I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has his own world and that's not going to be easy."

"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."

God smiles. "No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness."

The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child who is less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a 'spoken word.' She will never consider a 'step' ordinary."

"When her child says 'Momma' for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations."

"I will permit her to see clearly the things I see… ignorance, cruelty, prejudice… and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."

"And what about her patron saint" asks the angel, his pen poised in mid-air.

God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."

Written by Erma Bombeck

A work college came up to me last night and said to me can I ask you about your son, I said to her ask me anything I m used to it after 28 yrs.
She said she had a grandson who she is worried about whos 3 he is not doing anything a "normal" 3 yr old should be doing, she explained that his mother (her sons girlfriend) took drugs and drink through out her pregnancy and her little boy is now suffering for it.
She thinks that she wont be able to cope so her and her husband is thinking of taking the little boy on, as I explained to her that it would be a life time commitment and there lifes would change for ever.

I done everything during my pregnancy to make sure I had a "perfect" child, it does upset me to think that young girls go out clubbing, drinking, smoking and taking drugs and still think that everything will be ok when they have there baby.

Lynne x

Lynne, I can understand how tiring it must be for you, with no real break for time to yourself. Physically and mentally, it must be exhausting. I think Mary too is a wonder, coping as you have with your own children and then your grandchildren, I am sure most Mums with children with special needs are amazing.

Sadly there are a few who can't or won't face up to the situation and cop out as much as possible, o.h.'s sister is one. Her son has Asperger's but seems she and the family never really accepted the diagnosis and didn't really look into what they could do to help the lad. He is just 27, and his Mum and I were at antenatal classes together altho at that time I didn't realise I knew her brother. She like me was a single Mum but went back to work full time and palmed the lad off so she could go out clubbing and such. Luckily for the lad she met a decent chap who took them both on and was as a father to the boy, but they split up a few years ago through her constant going out. Now she is married to someone else but the lad has had a flat of his own for a long time now, he can't hold down a job and has to live on benefits, he does have a girlfriend, his second steady one, and is the most polite, pleasant well mannered young man, but I do feel he could have achieved so much more if his mother, grandparents and aunt and uncle had been more supportive.

Good on you, you ladies (and gents) who care for these children in adult bodies and all the stages in between. That's truly motherhood and unconditional love.
Lizxxx

I used to know a woman whose son was big and tall and looked so normal that she said people did not realize he had a problem when they were out. They thought he was an ignorant yobbo when he was really acting like any normal three year old would.

You can't devote your life to explaining.

Bless you special Mum's.
I had 3 children with issues, eldest girl with epilepsy, second girl with ADHD and severe learning disabilities, now thought at 39y/o to be on the autism spectrum, and a son with ADHD. I survived, as long as the seizures were under control, the other issues could be handled, seemed minor. Now I have my 4 grandkids and their Mum and her sister living with me. two of the g'kids have severe autism. I'm taking a wee break today, the others are upstairs, and I am exhausted, , it's impossible to get a break, all the adults are burned out at the end of the day. The long summer out of school is so hard on them, mercifully the 2 have therapy 2 hours,3 days a week, then the others are able to get some special attention. Add Mummy working Mon-Fri and me working evenings part-time, it's chaotic. but I live to help these children, and Lynne I hear you loud and clear. We are having issues with the little man hitting, increased a tremendous amount since school closed for the summer. Hit hit me smack on the cheek yesterday in a shop, got lots of dirty looks as I bit my tongue and talked to him quietly, hit his Mum and his aunt 3 times each this morning, just don't know what to do, as he's getting stronger and the smacks smart. This is new in the past 3 months, have no idea what triggered it. I'm starting to wonder if there's another diagnosis besides the autism.
My brother's daughter has 2 children also with issues, one with aspergers and the other not yet diagnosed but will prob be the same. My nephew and his wife have a newborn son, who has Downs syndrome. Why one family has so many issues is beyond me. Out of my brothers and mine total of 8 grandchildren, 5 have severe issues and one has mild ADD. Two are thus far fine.
All I can say is I send you hugs, and recall what my daughter said when her youngest child was diagnosed, I told her she would not be given more than she could handle, having often had to gather extra strength to get through a day myself, and her response was " I know you say I'll be able to handle it, I just wish God didn't trust me so much".
Hugs across the pond, Tenby is one of my fav places, we used to summer in Amroth before we emigrated to Canada in 1951 (oops just dated myself).
mary

Shelly I have a 32-34in leg so send your cut offs to me lol

Jean

I hope you dont mind me asking but do you live in Monmouth

Jean

I have to send away for them he has a 38in inside leg

Lynne x

How on earth do you manage for clothes, Lynne. I have enough trouble finding them to fit a skinny six-footer of a husband!

These special needs children are given to very special mummies, you know what they need, want and how to love them., yes its hard but what a good job you do.

Simon has an extra y chromozone which makes him taller hes 6ft 9in
missing half of the 23rd chromozone ( what ever that means) he has a mental age of around 10 and boarder line autism, never wrote it down before, it doesnt look that good but it isnt that bad, if you know what I mean.

Lynnex

May we ask what he has or is it not yet known ......

My son is autistic...but it is mild

Thank you Shelly