General Chat

Seeing as I can be "anonymous", I thought I might vent a little, with the idea that writing it down will prove "cleansing" for me and I hope anyone reading this doesn't mind me posting this.

Yesterday was my 12 year old son's first visit to a Psychologist. He is intellectually impaired with quite a few autistic tendencies. His 2 remaining grandparents died in March. The death of my father was unexpected and a great shock. His Nana had been ill for some time and so we had prepared him for the inevitable as much as we could. My boy keeps wondering if his Grand-dad got out of the car he crashed in and he's worrying that his Grand-dad is wandering around trying to find his way home.

The words that were so hard to hear, was when the Psychologist asked him if he worried about his Mum (me). I have breast cancer which has metastasised in my liver and spine. I've had 2 bouts of chemo in the last 2 years. My boy said that he was worried about me. Psychologist asked "How worried?" Son said "Very worried." Pyschologist said "Why are you worried?" He replied "I'm worried that Mum will pass away." Those words truly broke my heart. I didn't know how much he understood about my illness. I sent him to the Psychologist because I need to get him as"good" as he can be, a functioning member of society. His father is nearing 60 (big age difference between us) and I'm just so worried about my little lad. I have told my 18 year old son that he needs to "be there" for his brother when we are gone. I just keep hoping that God will be kind and will let me keep going until after my "baby" is an adult and will keep my husband going for many many years to come.

I feel a bit melodramatic - it's like a bad episode of "Days of our Lives" or something. I've had a bit of a cry whilst typing this, so hopefully I'll feel a bit better now.

Sorry for the rambling on.
Alison

Oh Alison

& I have had a bit of a cry reading this. I am no good with words but would like to send to you a big
((((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))))

Much Luv Julie xx

Thank you Julie and Havoc,

Most of the time I cope quite well, but yesterday, was well.....you know. I'm hoping that now that I have another couple of angels up in Heaven, they will get a "working bee" or something going for me!

Thanks for your thoughts and good wishes.

Alison

Hello Alison ,
I hope that putting things into words has helped you a little .
Your son sounds like a lovely , caring lad . He is bound to worry about loosing you ( death of anyone close sends most youngsters into a spin of what ifs and who's next I think ).

You really have been through the mill this year . Life can be so terribly harsh : (

I wish you the strength to get through your hard times .
Amanda xx

I too had a cry as I read this. I have no advice to give you but I don't think you are asking for advice just someone to "hear" you. I had no idea you were going through such a hard time and I hope you find the strength to get through this. What a good and loving mother you are to put your child above all else and what a lucky lad he is to have you.

You are not being melodramatic and it isn't an episode of a soapy on the TV. It's real life. If by posting on here you find some comfort then come here often and let us share your burden.

Sue xx

Thank you, Amanda,

I'm relying on Faith (and the fact I'm a tough bush kid!). I reckon we've had our bad luck - no more!

Thanks again
Alison

Hi Alison, i always sing this to myself when times get hard.

When youre weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all;
Im on your side. when times get rough
And friends just cant be found,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

When youre down and out,
When youre on the street,
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
Ill take your part.
When darkness comes
And pains is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

Sail on silvergirl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine.
If you need a friend
Im sailing right behind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.

Thank you SueMaid for your lovely words. I think I could actually be coping the best out of everyone! I just hope there is "back-up" for my boy, later on, years down the track.

Thanks again. If I feel I need to let off steam on here, I will!

Alison

Alison.....Faith and toughness sound like a most excellent combination .

I am always in awe of the strength that some folk muster in times of great troubles .

Adversity lends strength , has always been one of my motto's.

Amanda xx

My heart goes out to you and your son Alison, I also read this with tears in my eyes.
I have no advice or words of wisdom but you will get lots of support from members of this forum, its good to talk about things if they are making you feel upset.

If only we all had a magic wand....

My most positive thoughts are with you both.

Alison, I hope writing it all down has helped a little.

We all have bad times but reading this puts our problems into perspective and realise that maybe our life isn't so bad at all.

You sound a lovely, strong lady with such a thoughtful son and I hope life will now be kind to you all.

Take care

Mair
x

Thanks Running Bear,

That 's lovely. I think I'll have that song stuck in my head all night now!

Regards
Alison

Best wishes to you Alison
I think you put your thoughts down very well
I hope it has helped you
xx

It's not something I want to hear, but I'm glad you have told us, Alison.
I lost both of my parents in the same year and I had no worries about myself or my family, so my loss was only a portion of what you have been going through and my heart goes out to you.

Now that you have told us, you must realise that we want to know how you and your son are getting along, so by all means, please pour it all out on here. Ramble on as much as you like - get it off your chest. We are all here to support you.

Thank you Amanda, Rosi Glow and Malcolm,

Your words of encouragement are much appreciated. I think I'll sign off for the night now. It's time to have one of my tablets that I have to have morning and night. Fun Fun Fun.

Good night all and thank you. I'm glad I decided to post - I debated all day and decided finally - "what the heck?"

Alison

Before I go, incase I forget, thank you Mo and Berona and everyone.

NIghty-night
Al

You are probably in bed now Alison and I hope writing it all down has helped you clear your mind for sleep. You are not by any means being melodramatic, you have and have had some hard things to contend with. All I can say is, I feel for you, we are here and we will always listen. and God bless your son, of course he is worried, children do worry. I hope by him being able to talk about it that he was helped as well.

Ann
Glos

Alison .........I just don't know what say !!!

Just sending you a ((((hug)))) doesn't seem enough but I have no words to say how moved I was by your post.xx

A tear was shed for you Alison while reading this.

Thank you for sharing this with us..we may not be able to help but we all have a heart to keep you and your boy in.

I have 2 learning disabled boys and I can sympathize with you about what happens when we are not here anymore.

Your sons answers seem to show a good level of maturity although he may not fully understand.

My love and good wishes are sent to you.
xxx

Hi Alison,

your son sounds similar to mine (he's 11 and has high-functioning Asperger's) so I can identify a little with your situation, especially having lost my mum last year. I did the same as you and prepared him really well, he coped excellently but I didn't allow him to the funeral as I thought it may have affected him - or else he may have behaved inappropriately.

I think you are doing exactly the right thing by letting him have some sessions with a therapist/counsellor. It's important to know what his concerns are so that you can help him make sense of the world around him.

As others have said, you seem to be very strong, very sensible and a great parent. I wish you all the very best with your treatment and for your lovely boy.

(((hugs))) to you all

Maz. XX