General Chat

Over a period of time, I have noticed a few negative comments on here about people who have given up their children for adoption or to the care of others generally. It looks like there is still a lot of prejudice, particularly against women in relation to this - as if they have committed a crime or are have behaved unnaturally in some way.

Shouldn't society have moved on from this attitude?

what an interesting question. I think it is because the female is seen as the main caregiver therefore ment to be loving.


pnp

And giving a child to someone else's care negates them being loving?

Sometimes giving a child up for adoption is done out of love for the child and a wish for that child to have a good start in life.

It's a very unselfish gesture, in my opinion.

Gwynne

Yes society should move on Uggers.

My sister had a baby at 18 but my dad told her if she brought it home then she and the babe would be out on the street (at the time she already had a 12 month old child which she had kept) she had no option but put said baby up for adoption she never ever saw it. She has lived with this for years and said her door is always open should they try to find her.

I was disgusted by a comment I read on here with regards a mother who had given her child up for adoption. This is where crossing the line becomes far too personal , I have never judge anyone but then again that also goes for who choose to have a termination as well.

I think that's often the case too, Gwynne.

Uggers,

3 words come to mind,

Walk-

Their-

Shoes-

Nobody knows what anyones life circumstances were like at the time.

You know my take on this,:}}


Its horrible that anyone should judge someone over something thats none of their buisness,not interfered in their life,and has sod all to do with anyone else.in cases like this.!!

Mama Rambo, the majority of cases I know of are for similar reasons or circumstances - I think anyone who hasn't walked in the shoes of someone in this position needs to exercise some empathy

I agree totally with all of that, Hayley

Snap, Kay;)

Well I have a dear friend who gave up a child for adoption, at 17, simply because she couldn't have cared for a child by herself and there was little support available at the time. It broke her heart and even though she went on to have a husband and more children and now grandchildren it is always there in her heart and mind. I see it as a very loving and caring gesture of a mother who wants what is best for her baby. Not always the case but we shouldn't generalise or judge.

Sue

I still think it’s a very a sensitive subject with regards mothers and adopted children. I have only known 2 people or friends who were adopted and the subject was discussed with either of them I was so scared of saying the wrong thing I just sat there upright like a daft plum, apart from asking the obvious question that is.

Some circumstances have been the result of a rape,they cant bring themselves to termination for lots of reasons,

,but would a mothers love over come the total utter disgust of seeing that child everyday and loving it as a child should be,,,,,,,,??I dont think its ever possible in *some *cases.

Hayley yes, that was a total naff jibe and did no more than show the desperate degrading levels people will go to in order to score cheap points---but the bile had no effect as it wasnt a big secret at the time,,,,:}!

Thanks Sue.

I will emphasise I'm not just talking about an "accusation" made against someone recently - there've been a few comments in the last few months.

I don't really care if someone was 15 or 45 when they gave a child up for adoption - it's not a crime and there are a lot worse things you can do to a child than have them adopted or terminate a pregnancy.

Yep, Kay - if a mother (or father) can't care for a child physically or emotionally for whatever reason, adoption can be a positive thing.

IT ISTHE MOST HEART BRAKING DESITION EVER

EVEN IN 1966 A WORKMATE WAS PUT IN A UNIT
FOR UNMARRIED MOTHERS,,TREATED AWFULL
THEN MADE TO GIVE UP BABY,,

ONLY THING IM NOT IN AGREEMENT IS NAMING
FATHERS ON LINE,,,,
IMAGINE IFYOUR WIFE LOOKED ON A WEBSITE AND
ALL YOUR FAMILY NAMED
AND YOU DIDNT KNOW.
INFACT SOME FATHERS DIDNT KNOW

That's another issue entirely, Dizzi. But imagine if you were someone with a desperate and overwhelming need to understand your beginnings - you might not always act as thoughtfully as might be wise.

I agree David it seems in society you cant win at times, my mother was looked down on for giving a child up for adoption, years later I was looked down on for keeping my child.

No one has the right to judge anyones actions, yes the mother may have given up her child for whatever reason but I have seen first hand the anguish my mum went through over giving my sister up, it is very far from the easy route it is perceived by some to be.

Well I can't even imagine how that must feel, Uggers. Although I do understand the need to find your roots.

Sue x

From what I know, Jax, it's never an easy route. Funny but it's so often women who are more judgemental about it than men.