General Chat

Glad your daughter doesn't seem too stressed about it all. As others have said, maybe now time to just let things lie and see what happens later, if anything.
I am sure things will get back to the way they were before but now your girl knows you aren't keeping anything from her and have done what you can.
Good luck to you both,
Lizx

i'm sure you are lets hope she forgets about it at least for now

well she hasnt mentioned it for a few days now (busy with friends and things 15 year olds do) whatever that may be....so im hopefully she wont bother any more, for a while anyway, and we can carry on as we were just me and her, cos we were doing fine by ourselves

its a shame but does your daughter realy want to be associated with them

I gave the other members of the family the opportunity to have contact but that was the reply (last post from me) so it seems they are all in agreence with him...

Tell him to "Put up or Shut up" and take a long walk off a short Plank.This is no doubt upsetting both of you and you seem to have managed without him quite well and do not need this hassle in your lives.As for his Sister,what help has she been to you?.just tell her to keep out of it as its nothing to do with her. Best Wishes.**M**.

he sounds a waste of space to me

well I have been in contact with his sister and she says she agrees with her brother and reckons hes a proud man and doesnt want to meet his daughter with no money in his pocket! She says he has never forgotten his daughter and that I shouldnt form oppinions of him as I dont know him, and that it has to be on his terms and not me calling all the shots so I dont really know what to think of that.
What do you think? Honest oppinions please I can accept being wrong!

youve been honest with her this far find a way of explaining the conversation how it is,
im sure she will see him for what he is, she sounds a very clever girl, and trust me on one thing these 15 year olds are very mature in their heads, they know wots wot and who to stand by given the info
shes got you and knows that, dont let her think in her own head hes something he clearly aint,
he sounds nasty piece of work

I don't understand why he wouldn't just talk to her on the phone himself, even if he didn't want her coming round until he's settled. It's blatantly a lie or he wouldn't have got his girlfriend pregnant, would he?! I can't understand the girlfriend wanting him, to be honest, since she's obviously seen how he treats the daughter he already has. Give him his DNA test and then get what you can out of the coward. He obviously is a coward or he'd be talking to your daughter himself. Next time hand the phone to her and tell him to explain for himself why he isn't going to see her yet. You'll likely have a lot of tears to cry but it might save years of him taking her for a mug.

This all makes me so annoyed because my brother would dearly love to see more of his kids and has been blocked so much over the years.

I have spoken to my daughter about the DNA test and been completely honest about everything and I have to say she took it very well indeed! She doesnt seem to be upset or dissapointed at all.
Maybe she just needed to satisfy her curiosity!
With any luck I wont hear from him again

I agree , Dawn , daughter`s ex has another child which my daughter was informed about by Csa -think in error, Ros xx

When my daghter was a baby the csa tracked him down but he wasnt working so didnt have to pay anything which i felt was wrong!
Even £2 a week would remind him of his responsability..

To side track --my daughter has been trying to get money fron CSA for 12 years. The latest is that her son`s father can`t be traced , he`s not working or signing on, she wonders if he`s dead, she had contact with his brother who didn`t know where he was , but now that has stopped,
Ros xxx

I think you have to put things like the dna and any inferences to your honesty, aside at the moment and just deal with one part at a time. If your daughter can get to know her grandmother etc she may learn enough about her father to make up her own mind on whether she wants to get to know him.
One step at a time...

Lizx

Thank you for your honest opinion mark and im not at all offended! I am 100% sure she is his child as he is the only person i was with but i guess if something had been said then....
The thing is they have all seen pics of my daughter and commented on the resemblence to her father and his girlfriend said he had told her he had a daughter before i got in touch which is not the actions of someone who doesnt believe shes his

and to throw another thing in the bag He and His girlfriend are expecting!!

dear Dawn,


At the risk of being hurtful and offensive, as well as unhelpful, I have to say that his requesting a DNA test is a direct insult, to *you*.

It's basically his way of saying that he thinks you were not being faithful to him, 15-16 years ago. Your past love life is none of my business so all questions as to why he walked out on you (or you on him) will have to remain rhetorical, for now.

Maybe one of his best friends at that time decided to wind him up by saying he'd slept with you and the uncertainty over your daughter's paternity have haunted him ever since.

If that had been the case, then it's less of an insult and more of just a clumsy way of saying he's unsure of where he stands and wants to know the truth with 100% certainty, before he surrenders all his 'lifestyle' money to the CSA. (I'm sure his girlfriend will be thrilled at being reduced to one night out per month and will rapidly dump him in favour of another with no such budgetary commitments).



Mark

Good luck, Dawn.
Lizx

I will call his mother and ill keep you all updated! thanks to you all for your support and kind messages

xx

Let us know how things go. Can you not call the grandmother when your daughter isn't around and see how the land lies?
Even if you just pave the way for your daughter to make contact with them as long as you know they are interested in forming a relationship with her.

Lizx