General Chat

Just had a call from another Joyce, my late Dad's favourite cousin, who I have only been in touch with over the last three years, as I didn't know she and her hubby were still around after my Mum died - Dad had been gone 5 years before that.

Joyce is an amazing lady of 88, housebound due to poor health but with such a memory and store of anecdotes and info on my Dad's side of the family and I have been wanting to visit her for ages, but each time I plan to go and stay with my cousin who lives 20 miles from her, something comes up and plans go awry. I speak to Joyce often as she gets very lonely, since last Christmas her poor hubby had to go into a home as he developed Alzheimer's and she couldn't keep looking after him alone. She has a son and d.i.l. and two grandsons nearby, don't think the gsons visit or do much but the d.i.l. and son help a bit, go round a few times and do washing and cleaning etc. Joyce has to have carers in for personal care etc.

She has just phoned me to say her poor hubby is in hospital and crtically ill, paramedics struggled to keep him going this morning and he is probably not going to last the night. Don't know why the son didn't fetch her to the hospital today but apparently if Ernest is still with us tomorrow he will take his Mum to see him then, and also his aunt, Ernest's sister, if he can fetch her in.

I felt so sad for my Joyce, how do you comfort a lovely old lady when you are more than 100 miles away, all I wanted to do was give her a cuddle. She said, thank you for listening to me! Bless her, she made herself ill looking after him before the son got him into a home, he always seems to be worrying about the cost!

She knows this was coming but even so, hard to say goodbye from a distance if she can't get in in time, and they were together for so many years.

Please can you send special thoughts to Joyce to help her through her sadness, she is all on her own in the house, and will be til the carers come in the morning now.
Special thoughts to Ernest too as he passes to a better place, I hope it is a gentle passing for him.

Lizxx

So sorry for you all. It is difficult when you are far apart. May her God go with her over the coming time, and blessings for you, too.

How sad, wouldn't you think he'd want the chance to go and say goodbye to his dad?! Does make you think sometimes that people assume when someone's OH gets dementia and goes in a home that they somehow stop loving them as much. That's very sad and I'm annoyed with the son on your behalf.

Sending Ernest positive thoughts to keep him going so that Joyce can get to say goodbye. And that he finds peace when he does eventually pass.

Also sending you warm thoughts too Liz.

I shall pray for Ernest and his family

and (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))) for you

Gill

its hard isnt it for all concerned
maybe the sons finding it hard with payments,
poor joyce ,
try her again later just to reasure yourself and just tell her you wanted to send her a hug before she goes to bed, bless her,
she must feel so sad when they are apart like that,
tho he has alzheimers, she still has the memories,
sending her hugs and thoughts for a restful night and hope ernest waits for her to visit
xx

thanks all, the son and d.i.l. have spent some time with Ernest today at the hospital, but don't know why they didn't take Joyce today, she isn't going to be any easier to take tomorrow than today. Son has just retired as a surveyor but going back to work two days a week or something, his wife works, sounds like the sons don't contribute much.

She has to sleep in a recliner chair cos if she gets out of bed after the carers get her in there, to use the loo, she can't get her bad leg back in so now she has to sleep downstairs in the chair, been like that for a while and has bad pressure sores on her bottom because of it.

Lizx

Wow Liz, I think that just annoyed me even more. Some people can be thoughtless. If it were my parent's I'd like to think that either I or my brother would have driven mum straight there.

I know finances are tough at the moment for everyone, but still.

Poor Joyce sounds like she needs more frequent visits from her carers.

well that does make you angry

how selfish,
who would he have prefered to see more, im sure it would be joyce,
or who would have got more out of it, joyce again

he should have his mam at his house while shes having probs gettin out of chair, thats not right sleeping in a chair,

god dont they make you angry,
no wonder grandchildren dont hang round him much,
maybe they dotn know about joyce and ernest
try phonin one of them maybe liz

You know everybody has all my sympathies, Liz. I dread the day when I cant care for my OH. I just hope if he has to go into a resthome we can both go in.

All my love,

Huia.

Oh Huia, sorry didn't mean to make you think......

I don't know why she doesn't go in a home, I think she might have to soon.

Grandchildren are both at home or one is at uni and one home, but they don't sound as tho they go to see their Nan.
I have the son's address and phone number so will maybe talk to him tomorrow evening depending on what news I get from Joyce, she will call me when she has the news of Ernest.

Lizx

My heart aches for all of you involved in Ernests passing...How sad that he and Joyce are apart on what will probably be his last night on this earth.

My love to Joyce in her loneliness, love to Ernest for a peaceful passing to his loved ones and a big hug for you , Liz, feeling helpless so far away,


Caz xxxx

thoughts and wishes go to Joyce and Ernest hope she gets in to see him

How sad, may God bless them both, I am at a loss to find words of comfort, I pray her memories will see her through, gosh, this is so Heartbreaking, those words, alone til her carer's come, I work in that area, bless her XX..

so sad hearing this, I know it can be hard on families when older folk are sick, it is hard to see a loved one in that situation, praying that they are able to say their goodbyes, hugs for you too,Liz

(((((((((( x ))))))))) Jean x

So sorry to read your news Liz, especially when I am on cloud nine.

Thinking of you and your loved ones.

Jenny xx

Thanks all of you, and Jenny, don't feel bad about being happy, life has to go on. I just feel sad that Joyce is sitting there alone with her memories as she waits for the call with news of Ernest, it will only be the sad news. Carer won't be in till morning now.

It will be a long night for her. Just can't understand why her son or d.i.l. didn't stay with her, there is room.

Lizxx

Thinking of you Liz x x x x x

thinking of you all xx

Can't stop thinking about her, hope she has managed to sleep.
Her son apparently cancelled the carers for tomorrow so d.i.l. will go in and get Joyce ready if she can go to the hospital, if not they will be with her to sort out details I suppose and then cook her meals and do for her what the carers would.
Maybe I am being unfair and don't know the full story but I have been reading between the lines when Joyce tells me things and just don't think her family have been doing as much as they could for her.

Ages ago I asked if they had any up to date photos, and they said they would take some. Then at Easter they brought Ernest home for the day and again on Mother's Day, and still didn't take pics. You would think they would want some for themselves of their Mum and Dad together.

I told o.h. when he got in from work that I would will want to go and pay my respects. Of course I would have to stay overnight and would probably stay a few days after going so far. It's my friend's funeral next Tuesday.

Lizx

I happened to wake in the night and wondered whether you and Joyce were awake too.
I hope she got some rest to face whatever today may bring.

Gwyn