General Chat

Are children being allowed to grow up to soon these days?

I feel through my own personal experiences that some people not only allow but encourage children to grow up too soon. I was horrified to find out a few days ago that Boo who is 8 was bought real make up and hair straightners by her dad and his girlfriend. I feel at 8 years old she is way too young for worrying about her looks in this way play hairdressers with her friends yes but not bought products to doll herself up for when they go on days out which I was told. When I tackled him about this I was told most the kids these days have them and she wanted to be like her friends.

Whats wrong with society these days that children are made to grow up before their time?

Whats your thoughts on this?

Jax xx

I do agree with you Jax but then because of my age, people say.... you are old fashioned.

Children need to be children for as long as they can.
after all it is a long hard 'adulthood'.

Deanna X

We push are children to hard from the start and should follow the continental way and not the U.S
When I worked in child care my biggest argument withparents was that you do not formally teach 3,4,5, year olds and if I had my way you wouldn't 6and 7 either at this age learning should be through play and experiment.

you're right Jax....i feel 8 is too young for make up and straighteners.

My friend came round yesterday and her youngest said she wanted a mobile(she's 6)....when my friend said no because she's too young/doesn't need one her little girl said two of her friends have them......why the hell does a 6 yr old need a phone?

I don't know why some people feel the need to make their children look more grown up.....they're children for such a short time that parents should be enjoying that time and not trying to make them mini adults,

Karen x

Deanna exactly they should be out playing, getting mud and grass stains on them not worrying about their looks and what material possesions they have. Also wearing make up cant be good for such delicate skins.

Im only 37 and if my opinions make me old fashioned so be it.

Victoria yes I feel too much is expected of them at a young age too, My friend has a 14 mth old little boy and has been told by her health visitor that by now he should be potty trained ready for when he starts school at 2. I didnt even start potty training mine till they were gone 2 and able to understand what they had to do.

True, Karen. I was a very, very early developer physically - by the time I was eleven, I was regularly having to shave under my arms, I had mild acne, my periods had started and I needed to wear a bra.

But for some reason I hung on to a lot of my childhood toys for a long, long time - I didn't give up my Barbie dolls till I was 15 and even then I refused to part with my favourite one, which I've had since I was six (so, 17 and a half years).

I didn't get into nail varnish till I was about 14, I only started shaving my legs when I was about 12 and someone commented on it at school. And now I'm an adult and starting to have adult responsibilities, I wish I could have some of that time back - before I had to worry about getting my degree work done, graduating, starting to work for myself etc.

Just read Jax's comment about potty training - and I thought I was a late developer. I had only just been potty trained when I started nursery in the week of my third birthday - my mum thought I was "late" getting into it then.

That is my belief too Victoria.

I firmly believe that they learn so much in the home playing with mum and dad, and siblings.

No one seems to bake and cook with their children these days.... and that is not meant to offend anyone.
There are lots of mothers who do still enjoy their children, but work has taken over this world.
Now if a mother doesn't go out to work, she is seen as *NOT WORKING!*

I was a stay at home mother until my youngest was 15.... and the first time I was not there.... I was needed.
That upset me so much.

Just read your story Kate.
I was also a very quick developer (physically) and so was my eldest granddaughter.

So much was expected of me at the age of 11... but I was still a child with all my childish thoughts and dreams.

I did not have makeup until I was 15, and my parents bought me it for Christmas.... I was so excited.
Biut looking back oh it, apart from the creams etc... it was nail varnish and lipstick.
BUT I loved it all, made me feel grown up.
My dad still used to tease me about the *jam* on my mouth!! Idiot!!;-0)

Deanna X

Jax unless they have changed midical knowhow very few children under 2 can identify when they need to go and how many children do you know that go to school wareing nappies unless they have a disability.A good job she wasn't my HealthVisitor

Karen Dont get me started on mobiles, I have already had to deal with this issue once again with Boos dad when she was 7. Against my wishes he bought her one, it is now in a cupboard and only comes out when she goes on holiday with her dad so that she can contact me to let me know she got there safe and incase she wants a chat.

She doesnt even ask for it at other times.

I feel it would much better if children started school later - say age 6 or 7 and stayed longer at the end

when we had meting at school before our littleuns started in reception the head of reception said if they came home and we asked what they had done if they said nothing we played then they had done their job correctly as they didnt want them to realise they were learning but just playing.

Government guidelines are insisting they learn as much by end of year 1 in respect of words that they used to have to know by end of year 3 and 4. Stupid they are children and just want to play.

Mine arent allowed mobiles til there 12th birthday andeldest hasnt long been wearing makeup but she is 15 although she did start doing her legs and armpits when she went to secondary for PE.

And at 41 I still have my doll I used to take everywhere even into my teens

I agree with you Jax...................our youngest is 9 and lots of her friends have mobiles, designer clothes, their own laptops etc, but rarely sit and eat a meal with their families.

Material things aren't what children need...............love and our time is far more important.

Our youngest is collecting sylvanians..............slowly as they are expensive...........and a couple of her friends played for hours with them at her party.

Using their imagination and being allowed to play in the mud are such an important part of growing up.

xx

I remember when I was a child,the fun I had with my friends,we didn't worry about make-up fashionable clothes etc.We worried about toys,games to play,(not electronic ones) swapping comics with each other,you know,all the usual things that kids found important in those days.

Jax, I used to love to see my kids playing.
AND MUD.... it used to come up an hit my older son.... he was NEVER near the mud... it just attacked him, bless him.

And Victoria I am sorry but what kind of health visitors do we have now a days?
A baby will be potty trained when he is potty trained!!
It takes them as long as it takes them, they are all different.
What is the modern take on a bed wetter then?
*Batter* them until they stop???

Poor kids, they have all been born into the wrong era....

Deanna X

I was 7 when i got pubic hair 9 when my period started and grew up far to fast and know the pit falls .Mum did her best but worked and I swore I would not do the same . When I met my husband we disgused the work issue and as he had a bad childhood we decided that we would rather be hard up and have me at home then better off and someone else look after our children.If men were paid a living wage mums could be at home old fashion it maybe but I know what it did to me .And it wasn't that long ago am 41.

flippin' heck, Victoria!

FAR TMI

lol

Ian

Kate I had to grow up quite early in some ways, I was 10 when I started my periods and the things that go with it, but I was encouraged by my mum to stay a child in otherways as long as possible, at times I think I still havent grown up lol

Deanna im proud to say that although I have worked while my eldest children were young I did this at nights when they were in bed, but the last 6 years I have been a stay at home mum, im always there if they need me, we play all sorts of games not only on games consoles but board games, do arts and crafts together, bake, read. Its so lovely to be able to have the time to do all this with them, parents who are working full time miss out on so much.

Victoria when my friend told me about the potty training I told her that 14 months is way too young and that each child will understand at different ages, that when C starts to want a change or tell her he has been thats the time to start.

Ian trust you to turn up in the wrong place .
I used to make the head turn of one of my work mates as I would insist on the children making there own playdough
recipe
1 large table
1 large ground sheet
lots of flour
jugs of water
small bowl of salt
many children
very large bowls for all children
adults job to stand by and watch make obsavations and encourage children to make own disision its there dough
result FUN and a lot of suprises

As a mother of a 13 year old boy and a 9 year old girl, I can understand kids are encouraged to be little adults at a young age.

My son got his first mobile at 11. It was to keep in touch should he or I need to on the way to school, or on the way back.

Now if he goes down the town with his friends he also takes it, again so we have contact.

My daughter will get hers when she also starts senior school at 11, and then it will be an old one of ours to begin with..

I dont let Connie wear make up, or have hair straighteners etc as shes too young.

The only thing which I ever did, was let her use some of my lipsyl on holiday in the evening, which had the barest of tints to it. and to be fair was hardly noticeable but she loved it.

A friend of hers just had a birthday, & her mother said she was considering a make up party !!...at 9 !!.

I know this girl has her own make up for play & got angry once when she put mascara on Connie's lashes one day she played over.

Growing up will come at the appropriate times in a child's life.
I know we encourage role play with dollies, and dressing up as policemen etc, but make up is mainly for the purpose of sexual attraction, something I wont have my child taking part in until at least she is in her teens.

Kitty funny you should say about them sitting having a meal as a family, it seems a trend at the mo that the children have their meal when they first come home and the parents eating something different later on.

When my lot come home from school they grab a sandwich and a piece of fruit to tide them over till Nath is home from work then we all eat together every night.