General Chat

I know a relationship that is very successful as a closed trio. So they're what is classed as poly-fidel Which basically means they're in a polyamorous relationship but have fidelity to each other with in that.

Not sure how successful open relationships are, I guess it would depend.

Maybe, Hayley but it could also be that an open relationship is an alternative for some people who don't want their marriage to end in divorce - a sort of way of working things out?

Shelia I was just thinking about that.....

Divorce is usually a last resort and a painful process not taken lightly..


Is it another way of saying its over but still have something there to go through closure.

Sheila, I don't know but I imagine from what I've read and listened to that it's a gradual path rather than an easy decision to do things another way.

Nice to see you back by the way:)

Anyway, thanks to everyone who answered:)

You are right, Uggers, but I don't see the point of making marriage vows and then deliberately breaking them. Divorce is usually a last resort and a painful process not taken lightly - I wouldn't judge, either, I can't really as OH has been through it twice!!

I suppose I should have said open relationships rather than open marriages. The marriage vows argument is fair enough but then having been divorced I'm not in any position to judge anyone for failing to keep them :)

Just asked hubby if he wants an open marriage so he asked me if I had someone in mind lol

Both agreed if thats what you want whats the point of getting married, the vows we took are our commitment to each other and we have no plans to break them for the sake of rumpy pumpy.

I agree with you Daff about the two types. I think the second type must be very rare, especially in the long term.

I tend to think there are many types of love and that the whole soulmate thing is personal to all of us.

I was in an unhappy but secure ltr once and when that ended I swore I would never stay with anyone unless I truly felt that I couldn't live without them and that's what I've done.

Most relationships change with time and if we're lucky they improve. I think as adults we often have to compromise in relationships to get the best out of them. I'm not sure if I could ever compromise enough to open up my relationship in that way but it would depend on the circumstances and would have to be weighed up with how much I valued my relationship.

I'm open minded about most things so I would never say never and I was listening to a radio programme a while ago where people who were having two ongoing relationships were telling their stories. They were all open (known about by everyone involved) and some sounded more satisfactory than others but there were a lot of different reasons for people getting into these situations and I respected most of them for the way they were dealing with things.

I think Frankie raised a good point about children - a lot depends on how many people are involved and how it affects them.

Why get married?

For a start, you're breaking a marriage vow, the 'union of one man and one woman to the exclusion....blah blah' I think appears both in church and civil marriages.

I got fed up with a combination of clingy, mysogynistic (sp?!!), untruthful, and downright weird, men, so I got married to a nice guy - and will stay put thanks!! :-))

Mmm.... I think there are two types of *open relationships* beginning to emerge in our consciences here.

one, where the openess is suggested/implemented by one partner, the other going along with it for whatever the reason... as I said before, until the dynamics alter. This is the type that would, I imagine, be the most likely to crumble... when the less dominant partner suddenly wakes up one day and realises they want one-to-one committment, and nothing less. My feeling is that this is based on one partner's control and dominance, not mutual the love and respect that most of us would expect or want from our relationships. My belief is that this type is the type more likely to cause hurt and humiliation... one partner would be more in control than the other, I imagine. It is when we lose control of our lives tat stress and damage sets in.

The other is exactly that, David... that couple, whose names I have already forgotten, lol.. where each of them is emotionally and intellectually strong and secure. My feeling is that the love these couples have is an entirely different love to the one we average mortals have for our partners. As I said before... if minds and souls are totally in tune, it does not mean that bodies are. Finding a soulmate does not always mean finding one's ideal sexual partner.... those needs might have to be fulfilled elsewhere. But this relationship is more equal... both have reached it amicably and both feel that they have the control... so less stress!!


However, lol (there is always a however, isn't there?) I can't help but feel that there isn't, in that case, a TOTAL meeting of the spirit, body, and mind... there is still something they feel is lacking, which is why they seek to meet that need elsewhere. So maybe contentment is the ideal, lol.. I do know a couple of couples who have decided that celibacy is the thing for them... but they are not in open relationships, and that is up for review on a regular basis, in one, lol!

The ideal, where ALL needs are met, is quite hard to achieve, I imagine.

Sorry, I didn't sign this, lol...

And finally........ ;¬))

If no-one is being hurt by the arrangement, then it has nothing to do with anyone else, and although it isn't for me, let them get on with it....

But if people are hurt either physically or emotionally, then it is a different story. Particularly if there are children, maybe?

Love

Daff xxx

I know a couple who were into swinging and stuff like that before they had kids & they stopped before they had their first son. They're happy I think & just enjoyed it when they did it. I couldn't do it.
x

NO I don't know anyone who has been in a open marriage. If I do they have never told me.

If it works for them thats ok. I think it may be another phase for swinging but they go out on dates as well.Like many have said why bother with marriage? Like swingers say its down to trust and having a strong solid marriage. Maybe people like me just don't understand or fear of the unknown. If my OH suggested it I don't think he would be sharing barry's steak but I would be very hurt.

WELL. MY OPINION ON MARRIAGE, OPEN OR NOT IS








I STOPPED BELIEVING IN MARRIAGE A LONG TIME AGO LOL

LOL Barry x

Just suggested it to my missus of 33 years................... ..............................................







Does prime steak really reduce the swelling ?

I would call it BRAVE if my OH decided it was for him. He wouldnt get the chance.

People seem to feel quite strongly that it's a bad thing:)

Mildred, could it not be the opposite? I would think you had to feel very secure to feel happy with it.

But it happens to married couples where on half has a another, or even others ........,and the husband/wife accepts it,,,,,same sort of difference,,,

what about these couple that advertise --swingers or what ever its called now,,,,,,,,they have open marriages,,,,,,dirty people,,,,,,!

this would mean that marriage vows taken were just words and not sincere - as has been said, why bother to get married in the first instance?