General Chat

Hi Irene, I love the fact you talk to your Mum still and I know how much you miss them not being at the end of the phone, it took me a long time to remember my Mum wasn't there to tell when I saw someone she had known, or something of interest to her, I would think Oh must ring Mum and tell her, then remember she wasn't at the end of the phone any more. It is coming up to 13 years now so a lot easier, and I know from a message I got from her through a spiritualist, on something that no one else could have known about, that she is still aware of all that goes on so doesn't need my calls. As you say, our loved ones are always in our hearts.

Jenny Ologist, good to see news of you, I do remember when you had all the heartache with your son and hope things are a bit easier now.

Ann, it is almost impossible to have a real conversation with my o.h. He came home today and said had I called anyone about the tv? No he hadn't asked me to and as he would be paying I wouldn't take the responsibility of doing it without his sayso! This is very much his house and his things - I am here as an afterthought, not a real partnership, more a housekeeper, secretary, garden designer, chauffeur etc etc
We discussed who to call and I phoned them and arranged that - he has to take the tv to a place not far from here when they will check it out for a tenner and tell him if it is worth fixing etc So he will do that tomorrow as I can't lift the tv and have a doctor's apptmt. otherwise he would have sent me with it.
Then we discussed whether he wanted me to cut his hair, well shave it off with his trimmer. I have been asking for a week if he wants it shorter for the eeg and he keeps putting it off so today I did it but because it was so long, the trimmer didn't work well and took twice as long, thought he was going to have to go out with it half done at one stage lol
Got that done midst moans and groans from him, and it almost made me late for an errand I had to do, so dashed off and did that and came back and tidied the edges of his hair. Then I went back out to shop for veg and such. Came back and he went to shop to get cashback to send his son again, sponging spoiled brat lazing round California!! He told me his other son had had a go at him for sending money which I can understand as he knows his father is worried about the scans and the fact he might have to take time off work or worse if he is diagnosed with epilepsy. In all these conversations, I have to watch what I say in case I misword something, when he will start shouting and screaming at me that I am arguing with him. I am not allowed to disagree as that is called arguing and I am doing it on purpose to upset him (his words). I cooked dinner and he ate that and then promptly fell asleep in the chair, complaining when I laughed out loud at something on the tv . Then he went to bed, complaining cos he didn't have the tv in the bedroom now to lull him to sleep.
It would be lovely if we could have nice conversations but honestly, it is not easy. The neighbours hear him yelling at me, and comment. He is racist and bigoted against anyone he doesn't approve of being in this country so any news items about people coming to the Uk sets him off and so do other programmes, even the news, he will find something to shout about and if I disagree because I am not racist, then he will shout at me to stop arguing!
Now can you understand why I prefer to watch tv than try to talk with him? If I tell him something about someone I know, he will need a reminder of who they are, how I know them, if he knows them, when he met them, etc etc as his memory is so bad he can't remember. Most of the time, he will just say, So? as he really isn't interested yet I have to listen enthralled to anything he says about his people at work, he is usually complaining about them being thick lol Talk about the pot calling the kettle lol

Oh and he is now saying he isn't sure he will keep the scan apptmts on Friday - I have to drive him there - as he knows he is fine and all this talk of epilepsy has been hyped up by his doctor and the symptoms he had have been blown out of all proportion!! So who knows what will happen on Friday?

Btw, I know it is necessary to check re homeopathic medicines being taken with other prescribed medicine but I was allowed to take the Passiflora when I was on antidepressants and you can always check on the compatibility info at H & B to be sure, and/or check with your doctor, who might or might not know a thing about homeopathic remedies so might err on the side of caution unnecessarily. Rescue Remedy can pretty much be taken with anything I am sure. I asked a pharmacist from our local Mental Health hospital when he came to do a talk at our ocd support group and he told me it was fine.

Good luck with appointments.

Lizx

and they never leave us because there always in our hearts

sue m I know what you mean about missing family my mum was ill for a long time before she passed and we live 300 km away so I would try and ring her every day because most of the time she was house bound its been 12 months and I still find myself thinking i must ring mum so I find a spot where on one can see and I talk to her granted she don't say much back and if anyone see they think were nutts anyway so what's the diff. and it make me feel better .

jenny its hard being a mum. In my house we have a roller coaster ride we all suffer hubbie and I have passed it down the line we are lucky that its been only mild but its taken me 7 years to get people to look at the fact my 14 yld son (our youngest) is suffering from depession and thats only because he lost his grandam(my mum Jan07) grandad (hubbies may07)great gran(hubbies june 07) his horse which we had for 11y a week before his 14th birthday and his school work was crap any wounder poor kid and Ive not been well got low Iron and they can't find out why been checked for eveything over past year all clear . It takes it toll don't forget to look after your self we tend to put the family first I was always the strong one in our family when i had my break down everyone was surprised and there is such a thing as carer stress for anyone looking after someone with a long trem illness if your doctor will not listen find ONE THAT WILL if not we will CHIN UP

OK time to admit I was in a psychiatric ward (enforced) about 30 years ago. It's not a nice place to be, all the doors were locked (except the bathrooms). I couldn't even remember my home phone number when I was allowed the pay phone.

The psychiatrist I saw wanted me to 'go back# and talk through the problems with my father which I wasn't prepared to do. I fought the system like hell and didn't get any benefit from counselling as they were fixated on my childhood and I was trying not to be.

When I was released against their advice I managed to get back to normal (whatever that is). Truly the hospital scared the life out of me and I never want to enter a psych ward again. They are no doubt more advanced nowadays but the prosepct doesn't thrill me.

I am fortunate that my doctors will see me and let me talk for an hour or more if I need to. I can rant, cry and say whatever I want and they listen and don't judge.

I miss my brothers and sister every day and as I am the only one left in my family it does get me down.
I lost another brother in 2002 and certainly didn't expect to lose everyone else so quickly. I wish I had said more to one particular brother and suffer deep regret about that. I nursed my sister in her home until she passed away (with the telephone support of my doctors) and I am glad I did. I suffered mentally for it afterwards but it gave me a tremendous focus for those weeks.

I do also have a daughter with multiple sclerosis, as many of you know, that doesn't help my mental state. Having said that she is the most positive person you could meet.

So that's my excuse for being depressed, however, I only go through black days every now and again. I will be in Tescos staring at the produce and tell my husband I can't be bothered and we leave. I am a really outgoing, confident person with a wicked sense of humour, as those who have met me will attest to, I have a job where an awful lot of people rely on my decisions and some days I don't know how I manage it.

It would be easy to give up sometimes but I don't, I am a chronic insomniac, as most of you probably are, and when the lack of sleep catches up with me I am at my worst. Hubby hides all the knives!

We are just so complex as human beings and I don't believe any professional can appreciate all our demons. That I believe is only understood by other sufferers. Thank god for this thread then.

I wish everyone the very best and hope that some comfort can be found for all of you.

Sue xx

hi dave b nice to here from the men on this subject I know it's harder for men to open up. (hubbie suffers too ) good on you! this site is great because we have all had simular feelings at one time or another we all have to walk before we run. and yes there is a light at the end of the tunnel its just some B keeps turning it on and off for us! (was that a smile see your day's alittle brighter already) hang in there your not alone

n

thanks for pointing out the dangers maybe of mixing health food items with prescription ones - always check with GP first

Ann XX

Well congratulations to you all!! Seems some have taken the bull by the horns! Others will, but need more time. I've just read through from page 11 when I last got to look, and have seen some new names. So nice to meet you all. A couple of pm which I hope I answered.
Nice to read some positive posts. If anyone wants to get in touch privately please do, I am more than happy to listen, can't promise an instant cure though!!
Good point made on here don't forget helth shop stuff can react with any medication you might be on so please becareful and check with your doctor before taking anything ! Carole xx
Love to you all

Up until some years ago I used to get out the house at the weekends on a very regular basis, either for shopping, going to my swimming club as well as all the galas I competed in. I also had some other sporting hobbies.

Then one day my best friend said that I go out too much (spending money I didnt have).

This made me stop and from then on I have stopped going shopping, quit swimming and other sporting hobbies. My washing machine gave up the ghost and the reason I havent brought another is because I have to make an effort to get up to go to the laundrette. If I didnt do this I would stay in my flat (on the pc) all weekend and not see a soul.

In fact the only other thing that makes me get out is my trip to Kew (National Archives) or on fh research meets/trips which I love.

Yes I do work full time, but quite frankly I could happily stay in bed if I didnt have to pay the bills etc.

Work is a huge issue in my life at the moment, but I have just applied for 3 jobs and I hope I come up trumps with at least one of them.

I hate taking tablets but am happy to take these ones because I know they are making me feel a little better and hopefully life will improve in the not too distant future.

n

Hi All!
I've been away...in the Yemen so have only just seen this thread.

My Son is on 80mg of Fluoxentine daily which I feel is alot but to be fair he doesn't take that amount regularly as he says it gives him "trippy dreams" but thats what has been prescribed. He goes to work everyday and get on with life very well at the moment.
Hasn't always been that way though. He made a few cries for help one of which put him in ICU for ten days after he drank anti freeze....still can't understand how the Doctors call that a cry for help. It's taken 4 years to get an appointment with a Psychologist which is what they said he needed at the begining and he only got that because he got into trouble with the police through drink and putting me in A&E. I don't have any faith in the medical profession...not here anyway.
I bought him a sad lamp too, he said he didn't think it made any difference but funny how he has it on every night lol. It does make a difference.

I don't pretend to know how all you good people feel but I do see and feel the effects of this terrible illness.
Jen x

Well done Jules, you sound really positive. i hope the doctor's appointment sort out your problems and that you are able to stay positive.
take care
Ann
Glos x

Thanks for that Jules, It would help you to write down things as well, if you are like me your mind will go blank, I sat there like an idiot with my hubby doing the talking. Even now when I see doctor I forget to tell her things and only remember when I get home, yes I do write it down but leave that at home as well.
I think by doing this today you will have helped a lot of people to think about getting some help. Would you keep us informed of your progress as encouragement for us all, I keep slipping back and it's nice to hear of others success. Well done.

Caz xx

You are wrong about the rung of the ladder, you are going to the second, the first was when you wrote on this thread.

Hi Caz...
Hi Anne...

I'm feeling very positive about it. I needed that initial 'get it off my chest' time when this thread appeared...I was/am at breaking point when I have my 'bad days' n I knew I HAD to do something about it before IT done something about me!

As Anne knows, I have something else I need to see the Dr about which is worring me n I'm ready to face that too....no good trying to forget things, dealing with it is the only way to stop the demons working overtime n making life harder to deal with.

I hope By talking openly about my issues it helps others open up & make a positve move too. Generally I'm more of a giver in life than a taker n to help someone out in turn helps me out, not physically but mentally. When I first joined GR 4 years ago I help out a few folk n even found a members son n daughter he hadn't seen since they were toddlers, they kept in touch n were so grateful, but unfortunatly we slowly lost contact. Was a wonderful feeling I got from that.....

I do tend to forget myself n put others first, having children young made sure of that but I now know that's not good for you.......we all need some ME time to listen to our bodies n do what we know needs to be done.

So to everyone, including myself, be strong, think positive n do what needs to be done to allow you to be the person you were meant to be.......we all deserve that.

:o)xxx

good for you Julie - ladies first and all that!!

Good for you Jules, proud of you. I have to say you sound very positive, pinching husbands appointment indeed, shows you really mean it, the sooner the better. Be proud of yourself and I hope you have given others encouragement to make an appointment for themselves. I think you are the first to report back with good news.

Caz xx

Afternoon All...

Leading on from my post this morning, the day's still bright n cheerful for me making this one of my 'good' days. On days like this I think to myself 'Why do I have the bad days' but I know that depression works in that way...no 2 days are alike. Had an ok for a Monday day at work, busy but bearable n have made that appointment for the GP, actually I pinched my OH's appointment because I couldn't get one sooner, so I now have his which is Thursday at 4.20.....So....that's me on the way to the first rung of the ladder of a positive n new me.

I really do hope everyone else is having a good day today.

Thanks again for this thread....it's going to be a lifeline for many.

Julie :o)xxx

I'm on 150mg of Venlafaxine a day but will shortly be cutting back to 75mg. My GP let's me do this cos he knows that I know when I'm going "down"

I take fluxoxetine 40mg a day ,bad thing depression,
silent killer.
Dx