General Chat

But in 1978 he did a summer season in Douglas, the Manx capital, and fell in love with the place.

He bought a house and settled there - surrounded by the beautiful countryside and retirees: his perfect audience.

Single as far as his children knew ("though he was very private," says Jackie, "if he had had a girlfriend he wouldn't have told us"), he managed fine with the help of his PA, Ann, until 2001, when she retired.

At this point, his children found him a new PA/carer, but she didn't work out, and they pleaded with Ann to return. She agreed, but approaching 70 herself, and aware of Norman's declining health, decided to work two months on, two months off.

It was at this point, in January of last year, that the cameras arrived - just as the family was debating how to fill the gaps. A "home", at this point, seemed out of the question ('it would be a death warrant,' said Jackie); they were wary of employing a stranger so far away.

Jackie says: "He was already confused, which made him very vulnerable."

But Nick couldn't leave the shop. Jackie couldn't leave the chemist.

"And besides," adds Jackie, "it would never have worked. Dad and I are too similar. We're chalk and chalk. Or cheese and cheese." Which left Kim.

Despite her awareness of his faults, Kim has always adored her father-in-law.

"Normy is an older version of my husband. They have the same incredible sense of humour. He is such a character.

"You just laugh all the time, you can never get cross with Norman."

They decided to play to their strengths. Jackie would move in with Nick and look after his and Kim's son, Gregory, who was then 12. (Their elder son, Lawrence, 18, was at university). Kim would relocate, two months out of four, to the Isle of Man, to cover for Ann when she was away.

In some ways, the experiment could be deemed a success. Norman responded well to the change.

"To begin with," Kim recounts, "he knew I was Nick's wife. But after a while, he thought I was his carer."

The film crew follow her as she runs up and down stairs, in and out of the garden, chases cows, drives Norman around aimlessly for two hours at a time (his licence was taken away in 2005) while being issued instructions.

Her patience and good humour is remarkable, even when Norman, in jest, repeatedly pushes an ice cream into her face, or serenades tourists with a song - his old standard Don't Laugh At Me 'Cos I'm a Fool.

The only time her smile fades is at the airport, when Norman is more interested in hamming it up for fellow passengers than in the half-term arrival of his son and grandson.

"But that's Dad for you," Jackie says.

"Showing off. I don't think he'll ever lose that."

Back in Sussex, though, the arrangement wasn't working. Jackie couldn't get to grips with the Aga at Kim and Nick's house and burned everything she cooked. More to the point, no one had anticipated how much Gregory would miss his mother.

"He was inconsolable," Kim says now.

So, a new plan. The next time Ann had her break, the family brought Norman back to Sussex.

It's here that the documentary, which is polite at all times - keen to protect Norman's blue-blazered dignity - tells only half the story. We see the arguments to persuade him to have a bath, but not the difficulties he was having getting into it.

"We didn't realise at first," Kim says. "That's the mindset of a star. Never admit to a negative."

We see him sparring with Jackie ("Suit yourself" he says; "I will, just like you always have" she retorts), but not the circular conversations in which Nick, exhausted by explaining certain geographical locations, opts simply to describe every place they are discussing as Brighton.

"He knows where Brighton is, so I don't say Bolney, our village, I say Brighton," says Nick.

"Gatwick? Where's that?"

"Brighton. Dad."

Norman's many other confusions are glossed over, too - his shock, for example, that Kim, his "carer" was sharing a bed with Nick ("But he's married!" he barks; "Yes, to me" she says); that Nick and Jackie weren't still children, that "the lovely bird" he married, who died 13 years ago, he divorced, or that, unlike on the Isle of Man, not everyone on the mainland knew who he was.

"When they didn't recognise him," Nick says, "that could get embarrassing. He'd say to someone: 'You must know who I am.'

"They'd say: 'No,' and he's got to try to convince them. He doesn't know when to stop."

"Having Norman here," Kim recounts, "solved the problem with Greg.

"But it caused another problem.

"I was spending 95 per cent of my time looking after Norman. The whole thing was revolving around him.

"Plus the confusion. Being here was becoming a pressure for him."

Norman Wisdom's family reveal how dementia has left him not knowing who he is
by SABINE DURRANT -
Last updated at 22:55pm on 15th January 2008

He's one of our best-loved comics who's brought joy to millions. But in this haunting interview, Norman Wisdom's family reveal how dementia has left him not even knowing who he is - and them with a terrible dilemma...

At the Isle of Man home of Sir Norman Wisdom is a portrait of the actor and comedian. It hangs over the stairs, huge and imposing, larger than life, rather like the man.

At the moment, the house is empty. No one is there to wonder at the painting, or marvel at the memorabilia: the plaques, awards, the photographs of Wisdom with other such legends as Laurel and Hardy, the biographies.

When Wisdom was in residence - "He was always self-obsessed," in the words of his daughter - he greatly enjoyed recalling his past glories. But as he entered his 90s, the souvenirs began to serve a different purpose.

"I'd go into the sitting room," says his daughter-in-law, "and he'd be reading anything he could about himself.

"Reading and re-reading. He was losing his identity. I think he was trying to remember who he was."

Since July of last year, Wisdom's primary abode has been Abbotswood nursing home, a facility with an EMI (Elderly Mentally Infirm) unit. It is quite close to his house, Ballalough (Manx for "house of laughs") in Andreas on the Isle of Man, but a long hike from his family, who live 300 miles away in mid-Sussex.

Their decision to move him there upset some fans. A headline in one of the tabloid newspapers read: "Why won't Norman Wisdom's family let anyone see him?"

One radio station entreated its listeners to "shame this unbelievable family into doing something humane".

Wisdom's family, who felt they had done something humane, responded in a variety of ways. Kim, his daughter-in-law, fired off letters and emails. Nick, his son, did his best to ignore it. Jackie, his daughter, felt like killing herself.

"A lot of people will be or have been in similar situations," she says, "but what makes this hard is that it's in the public eye."

As it happens, in the six months or so before Wisdom was admitted to Abbotswood, a film crew was making a fly-on-the-wall documentary about his life in retirement.

So Nick, Kim and Jackie have a witness to the struggles that led to their decision.

The resulting film, The Secret Life Of Norman Wisdom Aged 923/4, is a delightful, quirky portrayal, not so much of the ageing star, but of three ordinary people in their 50s working out what thousands of ordinary people in their 50s have to work out - the best means of caring for an elderly parent.

It's exceptional for two reasons - the character of the parent in question, and the loopy solutions his children try out along the way.

Nick runs Wisdom Sports, a shop in Haywards Heath; his wife, Kim, is a housewife and his sister, Jackie, a pharmacist. Yet so distorted are they by desperation that at times they resemble characters in one of Wisdom's movies.

Six months on, the three of them are assembled in Nick and Kim's detached Victorian house to talk about the events that have led to where they are now.

Jackie has slipped on a pair of fluffy slippers, which illustrates how at home she is here. Kim stretches out on the sofa, while Nick, who spends a lot of time looking away from the tape recorder, has his body twisted in a physical echo of his father.

Jackie, who has had a bad year (not just the situation with her dad, but a second acrimonious divorce, the death of a hamster, a cat and her much-loved dog - "the only male apart from my dad and my brother who has ever stood by me"), is by turns voluble and tearful.

Nick looks as if he would rather be somewhere else. A kitten darts in and out of the room. Upstairs I can hear the clump of a boy's feet. A strong smell of lavender lingers.

It is Kim who kicks off: "It's devastating enough to have someone you love with Alzheimer's. It's an even more lonely road when you are under attack.

"A lot of fans still remember Normy as the happy chappy falling about, making them roar with laughter.

"They are not inclined to believe that that isn't Norman any more. We don't have that luxury. Norman is in mental decline. We have to deal with it."

The story rewinds 26 years to when Wisdom first decided to move to the Isle of Man. Until then he had been based in Sussex - he brought up his two children there after his divorce from their mother, Freda, in 1969. (He gained full custody. 'He always got his own way in everything,' says Kim.)

I have been a lifelong fan of Norman's. So many laughs I had watching his films - saw him on stage in the London Palladium when he was appearing as a double act with Jerry Desmond. Stood outside after and he signed my programme for me - still have it. A lovely man from lowly beginnings. He used to live in Fernhead Road in Maida Hill and when he was very young he walked all the way to Cardiff and joined the navy here - I think he was underage but lied. He and his brother were abandoned as children and they used to live on what they could scavenge off the streets, round the markets picking up fruit etc.

aww joan really
can u pm me the site ??
he was deffo at twik at some point and im sure he would have been better orf there
awww poor little sausage
ill give his kids a slap round the face with a wet kipper. they wouldnt have anything if it wasnt for them
arrrgghh sorry but this sort of thing makes me cross
Rosexx

awwww hes so lovely
and funny
hes a legend in my eyes and he also reminds me of my dad which is a bonus :-)
Rosex

Very touching and what a shame to end up with Alzheimers---but loved to see him still playing to the gallery

id love to work there Kay
but as for residence im fart too young lol
Rosexxxx

Rose he wwould love to be called a crazy fool,,haha,,,lots of stage performers are in that actors retirment place,,,,,,,,

,Rose mind they dont think you are applying for residence,,))))

Hi Rose,
If you find the url for the site about him, please could you pm me it, as I'm going to bed now!
When he sent me his photo, he also enclosed a typed letter thanking me for my letter, and it was signed in his handwriting.
Jan

realy jan
thats brill. he was deffo at twikenham at one point coz i work near there and there was alot of talk lol
also the site i went on showed his care but i cant find it now but i will lol
Rosex

Rose,
So you think he's been moved again from Twickenham?
I wrote to him a few years back when he was still living in his house on the Isle of Man. I told him how I enjoyed all his films and thought he was brilliant!
He sent me a signed photo back of himself.
I've still got it.

Jan

yes joan you could be right lol
he was at the Brinsworth House in twikenham
but hes since moved i think .
i watched a proramme about him last year and thought it was the same although some bits didnt seem right lol
oh well oopsie sorry i got it wrong
im still gonna write to him even if its to say you crazy fool lol
Rosex
Ps kay i think alan has popped of now
vera lynn is in there

Rose,,I couldnt never find him funny,,but admit he been part of the great institution of funny men,,,,,,,,,he was on Isle of Man,,few years ago,,,,,,

isnt the home in Twickenham where lots of retired actors live,,,,Alan Freeman was there,,,,

you go for it Rose and write,,bet you get invite,,,,,,,,,,,!!

it was a repest Jan
hes since been moved to twikenham
lovely place it is too
ill find the addy for ya
Rosex

Hi,
I watched it too - I've been a lifelong fan of Norman and think he's great. I love all his films. Such a shame he has had to go into a home.
Rose - thought he was still in a home on Isle of Man, like the programme said?

Jan

i think i might even write him a letter and ask him if i can meet him :-)
Rosex

oh Kay lol
i find him hilarious lol
even now that hes old and lost it hes still funny ..
hes now in a home at twikenham for retired stars
i so want to go there and meet him he can sing and dance and tell his jokes to me as much as he likes ..
hes a legend
Rosex

no Rose,, --sorry but have seen something before about his life ,,. ,,but personally have not liked his films I dont find them funny,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,((( ,

nope



lol

we got the news on

but we gona win the lotto in bout 5 minutes

pmsl

did anyone just watch that
awwww bless him
Rosexx