General Chat

I don't know all the circumstances obviously, but.......................I would never ever allow a grandchild of mine to be rejected for the third time by his family.

He will see it as Mum, then Dad and then Grandad didn't want him ....................he won't understand it wasn't his fault, or yours.....he's far too young to understand all the ins and outs.

Fight for him tooth and nail if you have to...............please don't let him be rejected all over again.

Bless his heart..................give him a (((hug))) from me and tell him how much you love him.

xx

I don't know your situation Grannie, and you must be feeling really down about all this......all I can say is that I have seen you over this year fight your Grandson's corner.......you have been his best friend, his supporter and his advocate against all the odds.......

I suppose your husband feels that he has done his job by bringing up the children, and at his time of life wants to take it easy and not have the responsibility of children.......it is harsh to say Grannie, but I am afraid I would stand by my Grandson, and he would have to fall in....

Whatever happens Grannie, you have done your very best for your Grandson, you gave him stability where there was none, you gave him someone he could depend upon......there is no way you have not done your best....

I can only feel for you Grannie, and whatever the outcome, this lad will not forget that you were there for him.......and you will have access......so cram all you can into those times......my love.....x sally

fight for your grandson he needs some one in his corner talk to your hubby maybe hes just afraid of going through the awfull teenager years again you know the moods loud music the slaming of doors when rules have to be obeyed tell him to take his anger out on the childs parents not on his grandson tell him his grandchild will give him more love than an empty house and in later years he will only have to look in his grandson eyes to know that standing by him was one of the best gifts he could ever give to you and your grandson god bless

I am sorry - but I don’t think you should fight for your grandson just because he is your grandson.

I was a ward of court myself - I probably know more about what this entails and my grandparents - I loved them to bits - but it would have been no life for me as a child / teenager to live with them - as much as I loved them and they loved me living with two elderly relatives would have been very difficult for me personally and socially and an enormous strain on them at their age.

I never lost contact - I was always welcome to stay at weekends, Christmas and Holidays, we spoke every Thursday on the phone and they were a positive influence on my life - but as a teenager it would have been very difficult for me to live with two loving people that were so out of touch.


Care, foster homes and independence units are not the worst thing in the world.

I am well-educated, hold a very responsible job and bought my first house at the tender age of 19!! No handouts I knew what I wanted out of my life and worked hard for it.

Many decades on I am still a happy, balanced and normal person. I owe that to the way I was bought up. My Grandparents passed away over a decade ago - but our love was a strong bond that nothing could break. They saw me grow up and become a young adult with my own home and a very good education and career.

You have to think of this child and would you want out of life for him. Children only feel rejected if you let them!

I don’t do drugs or steal, I have never been arrested and I have never been unemployed. The only people who fall into those traps from the 'Care System' are people who allow themselves too. He may have better opportunities than you could offer as a full time carer.

I am proud of my background - but live a million miles from it - because I chose too.

Think of this Childs needs as well as your own and your pride.

If you can take him on I admire you - but if it’s going to cause a breakdown in your relationship how do you think that will affect him?

Have you asked your Grandson what he wants?

Only God knows how this poor child feels,I can not understand your husband and Im afraid if it was me the man would be feeling my size 8 in his backside,what a selfish human being he must be!!

So sorry Grannie,Do what you know in your heart you must do,If your husband does,nt like it "Tough" has he no Heart? His own Grandchild being put into care because of his selfishness,He seems a Very Sad Person. My Grandmother took me and three other grandchildren on during the war,even though Grandfather was a bedridden Invalid,She asked him,his answer was,Hannah, They,re our Grandchildren and thats enough.I,have loved them always for what they did,and still do.He should be thoroughly Ashamed of himself.You Do what you want to do,With or with out his agreement. **M**.xx.

Sit your OH down and tell him what we think,let him read our comments.Then discuss, without raised voices,how frightened must this poor child be, knowing his fate is in the hands of a group of strangers..
No doubt there will be financial arrangements for his keep,and his case will be supervised. Does he really want his grandson to be on the scapheap through no fault of his own?In a few years time the boy will be a man, so whats a few years to your OH?He might actually enjoy being a proper Grandad, it won't kill him.
Surely he can see how unhappy he is making you?

I think I am right in saying Grannie Annie is not an old person!!!! Some people posting seem to think that this problem is more difficult because she is elderly!! I also think she has a daughter still at school or fairly young. Hope I am not speaking out of turn, but wanted to point out that not all Grannies are old and past bringing up another child.
Lizx

Good Point Purple *+*^*Sparkly*^*+* Diamond, but I would also like to point out his wardship does not 'Put him on the scrap heap' either!!!

Grannie. I also agree, I could not, and would not give up any of my grandsons for anyone. I already have two grandchildren I have never seen, and am not liable to, but that does not bother me. If anyone tried to stop my from seeing the boys, I would find myself in big bother.
Please Annie, follow your heart, and do what you feel and think is best. Good luck.

xx

OMG ...I feel sick for you ....
Please dont give up ....I,m sure that if the courts have a brain cell between them they will know that Grandparents no matter their status have a great amount to GIVE young people.
My children dont have any ...I have 4 children and they have 3 fathers between them ...NO grandparents ...but my mum ..but she dont see they ..prehaps once or twice a month ....

But mine were the best thing since the world began, Please make sure you find a way to keep in contact with this lad

GOOD LUCK

Maddie Moo, am not saying that at all, just I know a lot of what has happened so far through pms with Annie and also just wanted people to remember she isn't an 'old granny'
I just hope for the best outcome for this lad and I know how much Annie has done for him already.I am quite close to a young man who was fostered out and saw what happened to him then and the way he is now, so not entirely unaware of the way things can go.
Lizx

I know you were not having a pop Purple Sparkley and your post about age was valid. It was the post below yours...

hard hats on

SORRY BUT

i would put the child first

my hubby would have to like it or lump it

i also have my 17 year old grandson living with us

and we get on great

my hubby wasnt keen

but its worked out fine

so put your foot down go with your heart

thats what i did

I feel for you so very much, Annie,
Go with your heart, but I do agree with others on here. It will be hard I know, but stay strong love,


Caz xxx

Don't give the lad up. My brother went into care at 12 and was wrecked by it - in fact the whole family fell apart.

Fight for him with every ounce you have.

Husband can take it or leave it.

Sue x

Maddie - very well put!

I was bought up in a family where I knew my Mother didn't want me and that in my opinion was cruel but I had my Daddy! One of my friends was adopted and has had the most idyllic love from her Mother.

Now I know not every case is the same, but he may well be better with people that will love and want him!

xx

Thank you Pink - I was beginning to think I was the only person thinking this way.

That’s not to say Annie doesn’t love him, she clearly does very much.

I am just thinking of opportunities for the child, wardship of the court is not made lightly and I think Annie sounds as if she is the stable influence in this child’s life, which is a good thing. But that is actively encouraged by the courts, this isn’t adoption the family can still remain a strong influence.

The question is where is the best place for this child to live long term - for the next five years?

If Annie’s relationship with her Hubby could possibly deteriorate by her grandchild staying what could the psychological impact be on that child?

Also by being a ward his education is paid for to take on sixth form and Uni if he so chooses a few years down the line.

The 'Stories' we hear so often of children in 'Care' and minority cases (I don’t wish to offend any GR members who have had bad experiences) bad state makes good reading and gives some (not all) an excuse not to strive to achieve as it’s an easy out.

On the other hand look at the amount of wealthy people that have got there because their upbringing was hard - just look at some of Secret millionaire programmes or heads of Blue Chip companies.

I admit to not remaining in touch with many from my past life - but those I do are responsible parents and some now are grandparents who have done well and achieved more happiness than some of there peers from what were considered 'Normal' upbringings.

I have learned something from this thread,
my only knowledge of "Ward of Court" I only recall from years ago, when fragile young ladies were being made wards of court to stop them dashing off to gretna green........and marrying a Alleged ne'er do well..

Bob

Bob - I would point out I was made a ward at the age of Seven - I couldnt even spell Gretna let alone Green pmpl! - but it has been an interesting to see peoples reactions.