General Chat

I feel for your SIL, I've had depression 3 times, it always seems to be after some trauma, once after a traumatic separation from (now ex) husband, which was a sudden decision of his. The other twice was a gradual fall into depression after my Mam's heart attacks. I coped fine in the crisis but later developed depression. I would class mine as mostly reactive but I suppose there must be some clinical for the tendancy to be there. I don't really have the sort of deep depression your SIL seems to have, I tend to suffer more physically - lack of eneregy, lack of appitite (therefore weight loss), feeling sick, stomach complaints, Anxiety. How many of you are nodding here?
I'm currently nearly a stone overweight which I refer to as my emergency weight! As I can shed weight very fast when unwell. I am a very positive person most of the time, probably very like Kitty, so when the depression first hit it took me by surprise.
Sorry to meander.
I wish I could advise what would be best for you SIL. Perhaps it's because she has had it so long and always had support she can't find her way out of this. I'm not advocating telling her to pull herself together as we all know that's bollocks, as if anyone wants to feel that way, but perhaps if gradually less was done for her so she had to find the motivation?
Please don't jump on me though if you all think I'm talking out of my bum!
Best wishes to you and your family, it's so hard, I know.
x

Maddie Moo................I am loads better now, but I know that it could come back.

I am an optimist by nature and really love a laugh and to have fun.

I will never forget what it felt like at its worst and that makes me stronger.

You could never be condescending..........I love chatting with you.

xx

Depression

Loneliness is …..
The empty feeling that comes from within

Loneliness is ……
The longing to share your thoughts and feelings with someone who’ll listen

Loneliness is ……
Reaching out for open arms to find none there

Loneliness is …..
Standing in a crowed room but feeling alone

Loneliness is …...
Picking up the phone but having no one to call

Loneliness is …...
Knowing there is no one thinking of you

Depression is …..
Feeling alone

Depression is …..
Knowing this will never change

Depression is …..
Knowing your best isn’t good enough

Depression is …..
Knowing nothing you do matters

Depression is …..
Realizing your best days have gone

Depression is …..
Looking forward to the end

Depression is …..
Knowing no one really cares that you are looking forward to the end

I dont know what to say Kitty - but your Husband must love you a lot xx

I hope you have found your way. You have always struck me as a happy go lucky person ready for a giggle at the earliest opppertunity.

But now Ive said that I feel as if that may have sounded condasending and I didnt mean it like that.

I think depression is probably one of the most misunderstood illnesses there is.

before I had it, I assumed, quite wrongly, that all you needed to do was make an effort to pull yourself together and get on with it.

Mine came on slowly and I didn't realise ...........until my husband took me to the doctor and I started the treatment............how bad I was.

xx

Sometimes I read threads like this and kick myself because I dont realise enough how lucky I, my freinds and family are.

I note this thread is not about self pity (I hate those type of threads) just honest words from people trying to cope with an illness that I cant even begin to try and comprehend and supporting each other in a pro-active way.

I dont really know the right words to use (which is rare for me) but what I am trying to say is - I cant empathise but would like to show my support to anyone suffering this torment directly or indirectly by being a carer.

Both Kitty and Elaine have hit the nail on the head

Elaine your discription, I know so well

Kitty you are right, the correct treatment is definatley what is needed.

I suffer from indognious depression,(no real resaon just happens) but with the right tablets i came through it, took 7 years but I got there, now I look on the positive side if I can, but am always aware that I can get that low again if I allow myself.But you need to get back to yourself before you can be aware that you are getting low again, if that makes sense to anyone.

I hope your sister in law, get the right help, your brother is lucky to have a caring family around him to support him.

Good luck

Jan x

That's why I started with one hour at a time Gill................pm me if you need to.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

xx

One day at a time is like an eternity

I have this on and off for so many years it's beginning to feel like forever.

It's one of the toughest things people have to deal with.

don't know when or even if I will post next.

Gill

I have only once suffered depression...............I lost all interest in my husband, children and myself.......I was totally lost in a very dark and scary place.

Trying to get someone with clinical depression to see the positives is not going to work..............they don't care one way or another really.

Medical help and anti-depressants were my bumpy road out of a place I never, ever wish to visit again.

All my love to all of those in that place right now...............take it one hour, then one day, then one week at a time and you WILL get better.
xx

i hope you are feeling betterx

gill my sister takes medication too.as ive said somedays better than others.i cant remember hearing of family members in my tree or husbands tree ever suffering from this.its like its a newer illness.x

I have no solution for negativity

That's why I am trying not to post on here often - too many rows.

I don't seem to have any outlets as Elaine or any others have said. I just try to keep to myself - out of the way of others now, I never know if right or wrong sometimes just angry at nothing.

Meant to say suffer deep depression and taking useless anti-depressant medication.

hello libby,yes i agree.ive never known my sil not with depression,so i have nothing to compare it with.she has 2 children both lovely lads,but they dont feel like being around her.they tend to go to there dad all the time,which is even more pressure on him.shes totally oblivious to anyone elses suffering which then causes more upset.x

My OH has suffered with this for over five years and
Elaine's description describes him very well apart from the fact that he imagines himself with a terminal illness aswell. GP has been helpful but trying to egt the correct anti-depressant is proving difficult -side effects etc.

To be honest at times it becomes a bit wearing (not sure if that is the correct term) - trying to boost him up and be cheerful.. Sometimes I wish I could shout "what about ME". I know that sounds awful but I can't help it.

My 13 year old daughter wants her Dad back who used to be that life and soul of the party. She used to think the sun shone out of him but sadly not any more.

Talking to people has made me realise that everyone
knows someone who is suffering with this to some degree. That in itself makes me know that we are not alone.

Love and hugs to everyone aaffected with this.

Libby xx

this is what we try to do.turn negative into possitive.
but for the family it can be very daunting.:)

Tinkle

having a good old cry like ive just had relieves the pressure sometimes.

It also helps to replace a negative thought with a positive one. Such as this example which happened to me & started off another nasty bout of depression as it snowballed.

This was the winter after 911.
I live near a block of flats. and en route to stansted, the planes do come over loud and low, and normally I love 'em. Bear in mind stansted is the airport any planes hijacked will be diverted to.

Negative thought :

A plane will be hijacked on the way to stansted, and the hijackers will make the pilot lose control of the plane as it makes its decent. It will crash into the flats & well all be killed.

Positive thought:

If a plane is Hijacked it will be taken towards somewhere far more important than stansted, their aim is not for negotiation it will be to kill themselves as well. the hijackers will have no interested in the flats in my street !

the above is irrational but that's what happens, the key is to stop those irrational thoughts before they snowball into full blown depression.

I also had counselling after I had PND when I had Connie, and have been on Prozac twice now. A few months ago I almost went on a third time, but keeping away from this site helped me put things into perspective before it got that far, even so it was a difficult time.

elaine,these words seem so familiar with my sil.do you find it effects your family too.my bil despairs at times but yet is brilliant with his support.sometimes she cannot see the wood for the trees so to speak.
do you find certain things lift you?x

How would I describe my depression ?

Like a thick dark veil which comes down and covers the way I see things.

Irrational thoughts, irrational behavior. wanting to hurt myself to feel the pain my mind is in..

worrying needlessly all the time, waking in the night worrying, waking in the morning with that deep dark veil clouding all rational thoughts. Thinking my kids will die, imagining my kids will die.

Feeling worthless as a wife and mother, and worthless as a member of the human race.
Self loathing, hate the way I look, feel an embarrassment.

Being made to feel I'm the blame for everyone else's troubles does not help. The depression is under control now, but is always there.

Thank you to those who have shown me kindness and support through those times, and those who can see I'm not the person as portrayed by other people.

Its meant a lot.

yes sally this is my sister inlaw.its hard seeing her at her worse.in fact theres not many good times of late.x