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Dear Mary
I am now 43 yrs old...I understand what you mean with regards to painkillers...I have osteoarthritis,amongst heart problems,liver disease,Chronic Asthma...I am on numerous meds including morphine...At the end of the day its a catch 22...The pain meds dont seem to work because we are so used to using them...I am trying to lead a normal a life as possible...
I have a beautiful 15yr old daughter who keeps me on my toes...I lost my long term partner of ten yrs..He was 30 yrs old when he died in 2002...
I even thought it was my fault that he died beacause of the worry and the amount of times that i would be rushed up to hospital...I now realise this was not the case, although there is times i still feel guilty...I try and pace myself and do what i can do...I also look after my mum and dad who stay up in Edinburgh...I love my family/feriends to bits and if i can help anyone at all then i will.....I dont look for sympathy, all i do is try to lead a normal life as much as possible..I am no longer in my wheelchair, i was lucky to find a pain centre in Liverpool, where i stayed for a month and basically was taught a lot about pain and to be honest it was difficult being away from my family for that long, but looking back it was worth it, I walked out that place on one walking stick...Now i only ever use my sticks if i really need them...I try and take a small walk daily...
I am also lucky that i stay in a lovely part of Scotland, in a little village near the sea.....
I wish you luck and although like everyone else i have really bad days ...The good days are more and more...I am really hoping to try and come down on my morphine patch...A little goal i set myself with the support of my doctor.....
Take Care Michelle
P.S Sorry for going on.....
Once i start typing i cant stop...lol..Its the same when i open my mouth......
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I think you're right there.
Anything that is not visual is not thought of as a visibility, so it must be so hard!
(((gentle hugs))) for all that need one
xx
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I have to add that fortunately thus far my pain is manageable and I have no need of the pain clinic. At the moment I am still able a lot of the time to avoid doing the things that cause the pain.
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I also think that most people who suffer chronic pain go to great lengths to be cheerful because they don't want to appear to be different. Therefore, people see they are cheerful and think they can't be in pain. It is a vicious circle.
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Ann,
The only person that I know who understands chronic pain is Vitor my husband...
I have tried explaining to family and friends, but because they do not see a "physical abnormality"
They have no idea at all!!
Not everyone understands!
They have to live with it on a day to day basis...to really know
what it is like to live with pain...!
Lindy ;)))))))))))))))))))
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My sister suffers with fibromyalgia and this newsletter is written for a pain support group she belongs to. In a way the FM contributed to the break up of her marriage because her husband could not cope with her always being in pain.
I do understand pain, I have suffered with chronic back pain myself for over 4 years now. No cure for it as far as I can see. I have been told by a physio that my spine is curving 'the wrong way', and by a chiropracter that my back muscles don't work any more.
I manage the pain as far as I can without painkillers and mostly it brings frustration because of the things i would love to be able to do but can't, such as digging the garden and walking up mountains. (small ones in the Lake District). i am thankful that I can actually still walk fair distances, it is lying, turning and sitting for long periods that affect me most. My OH is very supportive but it is difficult for him because there is no name to put to this pain. However, he has now developed pain in his hands (I suspect from prolonged gripping of a golf club over the years) so does know what pain is like.
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You aren't wrong sweetie, I wish Daddy had been more verbal to me about the pain he must have been in and then I could have shouted for him!
But he must have played it down
xx
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Hi Ann
I thought i would just say i totally agree with what you have written...It is difficult for anyone who lives or is around someone who has chronic pain.,....
Its just as hard for the person who has'nt got it, and we do have to remember this..I have chronic back pain since 1998..I started to have it when i was only 18yrs old...Certainly never thought it would be this bad...There is light at the ned of the tunnel..As you say we all have different coping stratagies..Communication is vital to those who dont quite know how to react to someone who has pain on a daily basis, and the people who care about us just want to help...
We must take time to reflect on those certain people who may have no family or friends or even any kind of support network, then we realise we are lucky in a lot of ways....
Kind Regards
Michelle
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I am sure this article would be of interest to a lot of people, Ann. A shame there only seem about six people on General tonight. XXBC
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I have 'borrowed this from a newsletter my sister edits.
Helping Others to Understand Chronic Pain
Many people who have chronic pain find that their family life and friendships suffer, and this is mainly because it is hard to explain to other people what it is like to have chronic pain. This causes a vicious circle e.g. pain is bad → other people are unhelpful, either ignoring you or being over-protective → you feel miserable and think no-one understands → you then withdraw or get snappy, or you overdo activities because you think you should, or to prove you can. We need to break this vicious circle and help the other people in our lives to understand our needs.
Some of the negative reactions that we give are - shouting or snapping, not listening to others, trying to get our own way, being unwilling to compromise, talking very quietly, keeping our feelings bottled up, and apologising all the time. None of these reactions are helpful however, so how can we help ourselves? We need to communicate in an assertive manner - listening to what people say, talking things through, telling people calmly what we want, and finding a way around the problem. We mustn’t expect people to be mind readers (they are not usually very good at it!). Communication is so important - try not to be too passive, or aggressive, but speak in a calm and clear way. If our reactions are positive rather than negative, this will help the other person to be positive too. It will then create a positive circle rather than the vicious one that we had before. If we can help people understand us better, we will feel less alone in coping with our pain.
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