General Chat

Thanks Lemon Nelly, you have just reminded me that I have card somewhere when he was seen by someone from hospital before, I wont do anything yet till next week get the week-end over with first

as I previously said my husband was a depressive from the age of 35-46 when he died of lung cancer, he was also violent, so please be careful. A visit from a phycie nurse sounds a very good idea to me best of luck brenda

I think there is two kinds of depression, phsycological and clinical, sorry three manic. If there is a buried reason causing phsycological problems, then possibly a phsycologist is the answer. If it is clinical or manic then drugs have to be used. If your hubby refuses to go to the Dr, try to get them to send out a Phsyciatric nurse, maybe your Dr will help with that, no need to tell Hubby about the visit as then the nurse can assess his mental state without him being prepared. We did this with my dad, and he was unwashed , unshaven and lying on the couch when she arrived. He was taken to hospital, and now after proper treatment is a new man, but we told him what he had been like also when he was better so if he is slipping back we can make him aware to get help before it goes to far again. There is one thing for sure when in this state of mind, a person can become selfish and manipulative, they dont mean to be, but it does not help the person dealing with it. You can not deal with this alone, as you are suffering, and even if it is social services you need help, and he needs to be seen by people who deal with this every day. Hope this is helpful, my heart goes out to you and yours. x

Thank you Rebbeka and Swiss Maid, yes know what you mean friends who come to the house know what its like and make allowences but its when he talks to others and says things the wrong way you want to run away but you have to expain the things he is trying to say the right way, so you can keep the peace. Sunny the linden method what did you get, the downloaded one or the written one , but £117 is a bit much isnt it will have to think on that. But I must admit it made a lot of sence if you know what I mean. Will try to keep you all updated

Hi, I think the only way to deal with someone with depression is to try to be understanding and get them to talk about what is going on in their head. Try to stay cheerful with them and give them time on their own if they need it. If you get him to talk to a doctor he may be able to prescribe him something. Good Luck and let us know how you get on.

Thank you Sunny, I have took copy of your reply and now of to have a look.

Desperate, Poor you! It's an awful position to be in, I have suffered with anxiety and depression for the last 3 years, I know what a strain it can out on other people. Can I suggest to you the thing that helped me and my family through the bad times, I don't know if you have tried it, its called the Linden method. It offers support to both the sufferer and the family, you have to buy it though, but it was brilliant for me, you get books, cds, and a phone number that you can call anytime of the day for all sorts of help and advice. I am now able to go out and do things I'd never dreamed of doing 3 years ago. The website is www(.)thelindenmethod(.)co(.)uk Anythings worth a try with anxiety and depression, as I say I bought it a year ago and it has really made my life a lot easier as well as my familys. Really reallly hope you both get through this bad times, best of luck, Sunny Miller

Thank you Fiona and Claire, Claire that must have taken some doing to put in down in print what you went through and many thanks, maybe one day soon I can show him the replies to this thread to show him that there is others out there who go through this as well, at the moment I am just trying to do everything he wants just to keep things on even keel as we are out tomorrow to a wedding which at the moment I am dreading.

I can't really add anything that hasn't been said before. Depression is a horrible illness that can, as you know, have a fall-out on other people in the household. Clearly, you can't force your husband to get help. But you can get help for yourself. I take that you are in the UK. Have you tried contacting the Samaritans? They can be a great help and you do not have to be suicidal before you speak to them. Also, do not reject the idea of contacting social services out of hand. They can tell you what help is available both to you and your husband I wish you well. GB Fiona

Hiya Sylvia, thanks for your reply and no he doesnt accept he wants help, all he does is blame what ever upsets him at that moment; me on here, phone ringing, people comming in yet he is the first to invite anyone in as this as always been a open house and thats what he loves till he gets ill like this.

Hello 'Desperate'.I know exactly how you feel as I have been coping with my husband for about 20 years.He has had Depression for that long and now has Dementia as well which makes it even worse, but I am sorry I have not got any advice for you. My husband and I are both 77 and he has tried to commit suicide twice this year so far. Both times I called for the Ambulance and saved his life, and he spent a few weeks in hospital. The Mental Health team visit him every few weeks, now that he is at home,but I don't think they can help much at all, unless the person really wants help. Does your husband admit that he needs help? I know what you are going through and I really feel for you and I am sorry I can't help but I find it helps a bit to talk to other people about it. You can always talk to me if you want to. Best wishes to you and your husband from Sylvia in Perth WA

Thanks for all you repies, yes Brenda I know whay you mean he lost his job 18yrs ago, and he has been like this since his youth, his first wife had an affair and got out, so muchfor sickness and health. We have got through this other times by me talking overdoses(would`nt again) leaving and with family intervention, but I just feel I am to old and drained fot all this now, I`m also disabled and cannot do the things I used to, and he even digs at this now house not as clean as used to be(but he does`nt do anything much except hoover now and again) and I have put on weight do to srteriods ect and he is now digging about that,daughter has told him of but all he says all my fault ect

Desperate Your husband is depressed. You can't help him if he won't help himself. All you can do is look after yourself. Perhaps you need to have a break away from him - whilst you are there he will continue to wallow in self-pity. Maybe he needs to be jolted into getting help. If he has been on various medications for 26 years, have any of them helped? I am sure other treatments, such as talking to someone about it would help. there's a book called 'Feeling Good' I think, published by Penguin, which helped me - it gets you to replace stupid negative thoughts like 'everyone hates me I wish I was dead' to more realistic ones like 'some people like me and sometimes I enjoy life'. nell Nell

I am so desperately sorry for you. I went through this for years, but my husband not only lost his job but we travelled the world with new short term employment. It was if he was trying to run away from himself I cant offer any constructive advice, but you must get HELP and quickly brenda

I can't add anything to what has already been said, but just to say we have all been there in some form or other. One of my best friends has suffered from depression for years and had every kind of anti depressant prescribed. It is only in the last year that she has been taking a new pill and this has been miraculous. So keep nagging the doctor, and hang on in there. And if you want to shout, come on here! XX BC

Desperate I really feel for you. You have been given some good advice on here won't add as it was years ago that me and my dad had to deal with htis and things have changed. I can remember it being so bad with my Mum we used to sneak her tablets to her in food she new Oh dear did we cop it. I hope things improve soon, perhaps when he is well he could be persuaded to change doctors then. Thinking of you Germaine x

Hi Roxanne and Liz, yes, we know antideppresants only help short term, but he has been on various ones over 26yrs, he did see community physc nurse a couple years ago but that did`nt do much good he was the one who said that they need changing or the dosage altering as and when.

Will his doctor refer him to the hospital or local mental health office, where he could be assessed and perhaps offered the visits of a Community Psychiatric Nurse who visits at home? Have you had a look at any nutrition sites, sometimes changing the diet or adding nuts and seeds helps. I find there are some herbal drops I take to help me stay a bit more 'even' and they might help you. They are from health food stores (not H & B) and are A. Vogel's Passiflora drops with ativa (oats) - taste vile but you take them in water, and the taste is only momentary. They keep me from being so weepy all the time and I cope with things a little better. Not to say that you have to put up with this behaviour of your hubby's all the time, maybe you could take him with you to see your doctor about you, and he might decide to change. Seems much the best idea, but I know what men are like when it comes to changing. Will be thinking of you. Liz

must go to bed,as i'me working tomorrow,but doctor should have explained that a/ds work like this....first few weeks,patient may well feel worse than before,but once they have kicked in,the patient will start to improve! a/ds are there to balance the chemicals in the brain...when we're suffering depression,we lose a chemical called serotonin,a/ds are serotonin uptakes,and bring back the natural balance...often sufferers think they're going mad,but if only they knew it was just a chemical inbalance,they would'nt feel so bad....maybe gp's want to keep that aura of being gods. nite nite ......bryan.

so really , you have been coping with this for years ! i am not surprised you are on medication too ! could you message me your e mail addy- i know someone on here who has exactly the same thing to cope with. i will ask her if she will contact you, i am sure you have a lot in common- and even if nothing is solved, it might be good for both of you to talk to each other. her hubby is about the same age as yours, and been suffering for a long time. support is good- and a moan helps too ! sue. xxx