General Chat

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

A woman standing naked in front of the bedroom mirror says to her husband, 'I feel fat, saggy and ugly. Pay me a compliment'. Her husband says, 'Your eyesight is blooming spot on.'

lol...:>)) Well....better take daughter to Netball, but its pouring..so might be cancelled. Trouble is she still has to turn up..:>((( Tony Oz..:>)) ps. I dont suffer from stress...I'm a carrier...:>))

Hey Tony . . . . Did Lew tell you she got an inch this morning . . . the drought is over luv Laurie

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!' 'Hell, ' said Herman, 'it's not just one car, It's hundreds of them!'

This ones from Ray . . . I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it. So I said 'Implants?' She hit me.

PMSL, Tony, Good One!

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

I don't usually pass on sad news like this, but sometimes we need to pause and remember what life is all about. There was a great loss recently. Larry LaPrise, who wrote the song 'Hokey Pokey,' died this past week at age 83. It was extremely difficult for the family to keep him in the casket. They'd put his left leg in and... well, thats when all the trouble started...

Aren't we a kulshed lot this morning (though it is just past noon ova der! And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I was thinking about how old people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ... they're cramming for their final exam!

Q: What is a mixed feeling? A: When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

I thought I would go down to the gym and 'do' something seeing as how it is too hot to go for a walk . . . They have a new form to fill out and all the info to read, silly buggers . . . it says to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have 'Do Something' in the first place! luv Laurie teeheee

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit frustrated, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says 'Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question.'

MMmmm.....joke time.lol 'Funny..just the other night I was saying to Barb, 'Do you feel that the sex and excitement has gone out of our marriage?' Barb said, 'I'll discuss it with you during the next commercial.' Tony Oz...:>))

LOL A hunter walking through the jungle found a huge dead dinosaur with a pygmy standing beside it. Amazed, he asked, 'Did you kill that?' The pygmy said, 'Yes' The hunter asked, How could a little fella like you kill a huge beast like that?' Said the pygmy, 'I killed it with my club.' The astonished hunter asked, 'How big is your club?' The pygmy replies, 'There's about 90 of us.'

Hey Joke girl . . . heres one for Terry Can We Get Married In Heaven On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple are involved in a fatal car accident. The couple finds themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could we possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter says, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out', and he leaves. The couple sat and waited and waited. Two months passed and the couple is still waiting. As they waited, they discussed that If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all. 'What if it doesn't work?' they wondered, 'Are we stuck together FOREVER?' After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. 'Yes,' he informs the couple, 'you CAN get married in Heaven' 'Great!' said the couple, 'But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?' St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground. 'What's wrong?' asked the frightened couple. 'OH, COME ON!' St. Peter shouts, 'It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it will take me to find a LAWYER?'

Q: What do you get if you cross a penis and a potato? A: A dicktater!

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?