General Chat

Vonny ..... I ask you!!!!!!!!!!!! Stole to flips changing just one letter? pmsl .. Jumping the gun a bit eh? Freezing here in the mountains - its just a bleak old wet winters day - I really DO NOT wanna go out in it :( Jood

Ooo SuzyQ, you know that you can never keep a Naughty Corner closed for long, lol

I thought that the naughty corner had closed down.

Good afternoon Wattlers. Glad to hear you are all getting some rain, unfortunately we are not getting much. It keeps trying but the ground hasn't even got wet yet. It is raining on Tamborine Mountain though. It is completely covered in cloud. Anna, did Katherine like her pressie? Queen Trifley, where are you?? Rebs, good to hear from you again, you okay? Donna, Neville says if you have any paper work with the organ could you bring it. He has found some amongst his stuff. Give us a call when ever it suits you. Laurie, I hope you realise how jealous we all are. Do you have any not so good times. Spent this morning sorting out all my wattling photos. I don't have one of everybody, so I will be mailing those who are missing. Mary, how is the packing going?? getting close now. I see Laurie has just signed in, I may have to go and have a chat. Hope you are all enjoying your week end Be back soon Luv SuzyQ

hey all!!! How about a party in the naughty corner????

I thought it was very clean.

That's naughty SuzyQ. Take yourself to the Corner, lol

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, 'My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?' The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound not like anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a Seductive sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, 'We can't tell you. You're not a monk.' Distraught, the man is forced to leave. Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again. The monks reply, 'We can't tell you. You're not a monk.' The man says, 'If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk.' The monks reply, 'You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find the answers, you! will have become a monk.' The man sets about his task. After years of searching he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. 'I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for: by design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you Ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception.' The monks reply, 'Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sound.' The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, 'The sound is beyond that door' The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door Is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, gold and diamond. Finally, the monks say, 'This is the last key to the last door.' The man is apprehensive to no end. His life's wish is behind the door! He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is utterly amazed to find the source of that haunting and seductive sound........... But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.

As we all know, the Taliban considers it a sin for a man to see a naked woman who is not his wife. So, this Saturday at 2:00 PM Eastern time all Australian women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighbourhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort. All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not Taliban, demonstrate that they think it's okay to see nude women other than their wife and to show support for all Australian women. And since the Taliban also does not approve of alcohol, a cold six-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Taliban sentiment. The Australian Government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity. God bless Australia!....:>)))))

I'm off out now kiddies . . . but a parting gift . . . Do look up this one http://d21c(.)com/terri1/flash/smile(.)swf Dont forget to remove the brackets have a good one and cheers luv Laurie

oh, by the way, they think they're normal :) LOL

You're welcome Fitz :) Jood, where did Lady Lucan get 'flips' from???(5 letters) I'm not complaining, just amazed!!! :0

Sunday Sex A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play So he goes to a Priest and asks for his opinion on this question. After consulting the bible, the Priest says, ' My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays.' The man thinks: ' What does a priest know about sex?' So he goes to a Minister, who after all is a married man and experienced in this matter. He queries the Minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath! Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority: a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge. In other words, he goes to a Rabbi. The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, ' My son, sex is definitely play.' The man replies, 'Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?' The Rabbi softly speaks, 'If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it.'

Afternoon all :) ~~~~~~~~ to everyone. My, my, we are all chirpy this morning. What pills are you all on??? lol As Gwenda said earlier, raining here too, very nice. Just come back from grocery shopping - been putting it off ever since I got back but the fridge was completely bare!! Hz, I'm going to tackle the Metcalfe's seriously next Thursday when John is away. My cousin obviously has some wrong info so I've got to straighten it out before contacting her. Pity she doesn't like computers cause she is a great researcher but does it all from visiting and finding original material! be on and off all afternoon :) Vonny

Hi Honey...I'mmmmm...Hoooome...:>)) Netball was called off ( as expected ) An elderly man in Australia calls his son in England and says, 'I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.' 'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams. 'We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' his father says. 'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in New York and tell her,' and he hangs up. Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. 'They're not getting divorced if I have anything to do about it,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of this.' She calls Australia immediately, and screams at her father, 'You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?' and hangs up. Their father hangs up his phone and turns to his wife and says, 'Okay, they're coming for Easter.......now what do we tell them for Christmas?' Tony Oz..:>)))

Did someone mention lunch???

Now, Fitz . . . I will get back to your comments re sweat shops . . . your way behind the times on that one !!! Even you own Government wont allow products into your country without standards being met. We have inspections without notice, staff are interviewed at random, and we have to meet all the requirements to be able to export products into all of the countries that our products go to - sweat shops are there, granted, but they are few and far between, and they are the small backyard operators who dont sell to developed countries. Our factory staff are paid well above the award (yes they have award conditions in this country) and are paid for 13 months every year - they get meals provided, have accomodation (motel style) on site, basic medical services are provided, and they are able to buy from the store on site basic food items at pre inflation prices. Most factories provide similar services, and it is the only way that we can save from having a big turn over of staff and not have to retrain. cheers Laurie

Fitz, in all the time Ive been with this group - I've never known them to tell jokes one after the other like this! Think they're trying to outdo each other !!! Just coz I don't know any :( .. pmsl Jood

A Doctor was addressing a large audience. 'The food we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous and . . .none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and most of us have or will eat it.' 'Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?' After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said; 'Wedding Cake.'

Okay, I'm breaking for lunch...... I'll be back!