General Chat

Lucia, l've been off the site for a few months and l can't believe how confident you have become, l mean that in a postive way. I would like to know at any age if my daughter or son's partner where to have an abortion, l hope it never happens to me tho'. I don't agree with it personally but l respect the rights of the individual. Anne

Thanks Felicity, yes I'll agree with you about parent's right to know about abortion (oh dear changing my views - not supposed to do that lol) :-)

Hi Lucia, I hope there's room for another opinion here. What a wonderful debate you started. Lots of people have raised some very interesting points. My own view is that this is another issue that is never black or white except maybe for the individual talking at the time. One can only really know what is best for oneself and that can change over time. Different people have different beliefs regarding when life truly begins also, and each is entitled to live their lives with regard to those beliefs (within reason - and there's another debate for you!). So - to get to what I'm really trying to say - I think that everyone should have the choice. The health of the mother isn't the only factor to be considered. Her ability to be a parent is also a factor and adoption isn't always a viable proposition. As for parents of young girls always being informed - what if her father or another close family member is the father of her baby? I've known a few girls who would be in grave physical danger if their parents knew they were pregnant, for that and other reasons. If a young girl is pregnant, I think an adult whom she trusts should be involved in the decision to have an abortion, but I think an adult of her choice, not necessarily a parent. It's a VERY complicated issue as the varied responses have suggested. I'm sure you'll find, as I have, that life moulds and shapes your views and responses to things. It's one of the things that makes this existence so interesting! Felicity

I better delete this thread then I guess

absolutely Lemon!!! so I remain with no comment but do have my own views ....

so true Lemon but I wasn't trying to judge anyone. I hope it didn't look like that. :-( and by no means am I trying to inflict my own views on others - that's why I'm interested in everyone else's opinion.

Very wise Jill, my only comment is, don't judge anyone else , anyone untill you have turned all your own corners. No one knows what is ahead of them or their own family. XX

oh Jill....puleaassee :-)

still no comment!

Hi Pippa, yes that is a fair point. Lots of people have said that. I'm sure that I'll change my views when I've had more life experience. But these are my views just now and not anyone elses. I'm quite proud to say I have my own views and don't like to be influenced too much by other people lol :-)

Lucia, When I was in my teens and my early twenties I had a very black and white way of looking at things like I think you do now. As the years have passed (not that many) the world tends to turn grey instead. At the end of the day whatever I think doesn't work for everybody and their individual circumstances. I try to live my life as responsibly as possible while recognising that I don't always get it right. and learn by my mistakes. I think that is as much as you can ask anybody to do.

I think I can understand why someone would opt for an abortion then. It's good that she and her son are doing so well as you said it was a traumatic time. :-)

nudge-any more comments, Rosalyn

Lucia, my daughter had her wee boy when she was 16 and 3 months old . It was a concealed pregnancy -only found out when she was in labour though had asked her and she denied it. Now he`s nearly 10 , very clever and my daughter has gone to Uni age 26 and is doing very well. I think she couldn`t face an abortion -never asked her-or the morning after pill. But all`s well now although it was very traumatic at the time and I had to have counselling, Rosalyn

Thanks for posting that Lunar - been interesting reading :-) And thank you to everyone else for your contributions :-)

Lynda, nah I meant if they like sleep around or something...they should think about consequences before they have sex.. Someone I know lost her virginity at 13 and I think she was awfully silly :-)

lucia, so if someone male or female has sex at 16 they are reckless and have no morals??

This is from the Department of Health and is what the law says about consent in the UK: Who is responsible for giving consent? You are entitled to agree to treatment on behalf of a child up to age 18 for whom you have what is called “parental responsibility”. However, children also gain rights to agree for themselves as they get older – as you’ll see over the page. Who has parental responsibility? • Mothers automatically have parental responsibility for their children. • Fathers also have parental responsibility if they were married to the mother when the child was conceived or born, or if they got married to her later. • Unmarried fathers do not automatically have parental responsibility for their child, but a court order or a “parental responsibility agreement” can give it to them.* • People looking after your child like childminders or grandparents do not have parental responsibility, but you can authorise them to take medical decisions for your child, if you wish. When can children give consent for themselves? 16-18 year olds Once children reach the age of 16, they can agree to examination or treatment just like adults. People providing health care do not then have to ask you for consent as well. Under 16s The rules say that children under 16 may still be able to give consent for themselves, provided they are mature enough to understand fully what is involved. So who gives consent – your child or you? There is no hard and fast rule. A lot depends on the seriousness or difficulty of the proposed treatment. Although your child might be grown-up enough to consent to a meningitis vaccination, for instance, it might be too much to expect him or her to grasp all they need to know for consenting to a heart operation. Even if your child is grown-up enough to give consent independently, people providing treatment will still encourage them to involve you in their decision. However, if children refuse to share information with parents, health care professionals must normally respect their wishes. What do you and your child need to know? In order to make a decision, you and your child need to be provided with information about the treatment being offered. If you feel you haven’t understood or don’t have enough information, you should always ask questions. For example: • What sort of things will the treatment involve? • What benefits do they hope will result? • How good are the chances of getting such benefits? • Are there any alternatives? • What are the risks, if any? • If there are risks, are they minor or serious? • What may happen if your child doesn’t have treatment? If the person who is asking you to agree to the treatment isn’t able to answer your questions, ask them to find out or arrange for someone else to talk to you about your concerns. What if my child refuses treatment? Sometimes children who are able to take their own decisions refuse treatment which their parents wish them to accept. In spite of that, health care professionals can legally overrule them and go ahead with the treatment if a parent has given consent. But young people may resent treatment given to them against their will. So it’s better for everyone to avoid this happening. If your child is refusing treatment, try to find out what’s worrying them before considering going against their wishes. So long as the child’s condition is not life-threatening, it may be possible to delay treatment until the child is willing for it to go ahead. Suppose I don’t want my child to have treatment? You may not want your child to have a particular treatment or intervention – contraception, for example. But if your child has the maturity to understand what’s involved and asks for it, the law does allow health care professionals to provide treatment or care they believe is appropriate. Although they will always try to persuade children to keep parents informed, they must respect the wishes of a child who refuses to share information with you.

Hi.Julie. Under the 'Law' prosecute, but in reality a good hiding would suffice. Brian (i)

Lynda, I'm 16.