General Chat

Children have 2 parents and they have every right to see both, unless of course there is a very good reason why this is not possible. The children shouldn't have to miss out just because the parents have split. My ex hubby didn't pay maintenence for several months last year but I would never dream of stopping him from seeing Ellie - that would be using her to punish him and not fair to anyone. I wish Dean's ex could put the children first! Jack x

My opinion is that whether or not a father pays maintenance is not the issue, unless the childred are at risk they should always see their father xxhugxx

OH Derek you sound a lovely Dad your children are lucky to have you in their life. You keep it up you will reap the rewards in the future Im sure of that. Dave

If the child is old enough - then they should be asked if they want to see the father. My parents sepeated, when I was 7. I did NOT want to see my dad. I refused to see him, on qute a few occasions. Mum always said that it was my choice. Never knew til I was older he never paid maint. Liz

yesterday i recieved a csa form. if i could pay i would`nt,,as it is i can`t. we brought the children up together for 10 years. she left with the children to marry a 65 year old man with issues. i have my children for 17 weeks a year overnight stays and further days and time not overnight.this process cost me £35,000 through the courts,which i did not have and had to take loans against the house. i buy them their food,when with me.and clothes which they take back to their mums. my whole life evolves around my children,as they were worried i was going to move away like other fathers. i would prefer to sell the house and pay off the debts.but the children were unhappy about this ,saying they were very comfortable. i`ve had to take my car off the road as no longer afford to run it. my ex put herself in her position,she was on benefits but just got a 16 hr week job. if she can`t afford the children to be with her,then she should take back up full time employment,the children are very welcome to live with me. i used to think wrongly of fathers who walked away from their children. after what i was subjected to,i can quite understand why many fathers walk away,and i dread to think what eats away inside of them. derek

malc i read an artical recently where a father kept going back to court for access ,each time he was granted access his wife refused ,on the 17th tim eback in court the judge gave him custody based on ...if she was a good mum she would have allowed him his access and not wasted court time,xxjoy

I feel I must comment on this, I believe that children should see their parents whether money is involved or not, personally in my sit no money is involved & my child happily sees his father every week, however on the other hand my husband has had a long-standing battle with his ex, as her motto is no money no kids, spoken every week without fail,& if we pick kids up from their Grans & dont leave money she comes immediately & takes them. Fathers for Justice. Someone mentioned earlier-blackmail-most definately.

Don't know how the law stands now - thirty-five years ago when my husband left we had two small boys - 2 and 3. He left his job purposely so that he could not pay maintenance. Then managed a very small amount. He refused to see the boys for over a year as I wanted him to see them on his own, not with his new partner who had herself left 2 small children. I thought he could at least give them his undivided attention for one day a month. I did not insist that I was there by the way. As he did not see them for a year, they at that age were so young that they had all but forgotten him. Then he wanted to see them again. I tried to stop it - through the court - as I did not want them disturbed. I lost, of course, and he got fortnightly access. He kept it up for a few months, then it stopped again. It was 'too difficult to fit it in with his new life'. I attempted, via solicitors, to insist that he came to see them as they had now got used to it, and wanted to know when he was coming again. I was told that you cannot insist that the father does come. He can only insist that you let him. Through all their childhood, he came and went erratically depending on what was happening in his life. The girl he went off with evenually threw him out, and they were divorced. The final straw for the boys came when he was about to marry for the third time. He refused to have them to the wedding - they were by then in their early teens - as it would be 'too embarassing' and he would 'have to explain to other guests who they were'. My sons totally lost faith in him for that. I would add that all this time my ex. had only ever paid the small amount that he had to on the original court order. He refused to put it up despite having regained good managerial status jobs. I took him to court when the boys were in their teens and at a quite expensive age, all I was told was that my 'husband would not let them starve'. Magistrates are great aren't they. My ex. got up a wonderful sob story about his new young wife - number three - wanting a family and so he would not be able to afford any more. She was not even pregnant at the time. The wonderful husband that had taken on my two boys and been a splendid stepfather, denying himself many things for me and the boys, was expected to continue to provide for them - as he had been doing for many years - we had two young children of our own by then, and were expecting our third. He had waited ten years to have our children so as not to upset the boys when they were young. Our five children,(my two and our three) now in their 20s and 30s have a great time together. They all have wives or partners and when all ten come to stay with us, we have a blast. So lets give a few big cyber hugs to all the splendid step-dads out there. We don't hear enough about them.

I am fortunate to not be in this situation but I believe totally that a father has an equal and moral right to see his child and certainly if he is contributing although money should NEVER come into it if both parents are committed to the well being, up bringing and education of their child. (Apologies if this has already been said)

I'm with Ginny it depends on the relationship between the absent parent and the child.

my friend divorced about 10 years ago . has 2 children, now 16 and 14. Father has never paid a penny, but sees them regularly. Last xmas he bought daughter a laptop and took son to New York for 4 days. Daddy is golden haired boy. Luckily they are old enough to understand about the cash situation now, but it was tricky in the past. Claire

from experience I payed maintenance and was stopped from seeing my oldest 2 boys despite a court order saying I could. I then had to go back to court to see them. If the wives ignore the access/cusdody orders theres not much us men can do the law is on the womans side. Malc

Yes.

My son has 2 sons.His eldest is 10 and the younger one 6.Two different mothers.He has seen the eldest one all his life and has him every other week-end.The 6 year old he has not seen since he was 2 and he has to pay maintenence.Her reasons was that she did not want her son to mix with his other son.The elder son sometimes wears odd socks and a jumper unironed and he gets dirty.A right loveable little imp. My son now has 2 baby daughters with his wife and the 10 year old still comes every other week-end and accepts his life.I feel very very sorry for this 6 year old.He has a half brother and sisters and 5 cousins he does not know about.There is no children at all on his other side of the family,so bought up with all adults.This child is missing so much.My son will not go to court as he does not want to upset this child. All this is about the mothers issues.Annie

this thread came about as in my other thread the parents said he has to keep away and its there buisness,[look at other thread]so my thoughts were where would he stand if he paid maintenence or if he did,nt pay.xxxxxxxxxxxxjoy

This is a sensitive issue My very best freind iv known all my life is a ....so lovley person is battling cancer. she brought up 2 children all on her own the b..................she was married to left her and started a new life in germany owing loads of tax ect he never provided to the children now they are all grown up 21/15 hes got back in contact! hes getting married to his partner and yhey have a baby boy /want them to come to his wedding in a lovley greek island want his children to come I saw her today and she looked so ill she couldnt have her chemo today IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ANGRY

It would depend on the circumstances. If he can afford to give a ha'penny towards supporting the child he should and he should be allowed to see the child even if it has to be suppervised in a secure location, after all the child has a right to see their dad. If he can't pay then what can you do? but he should still have access as above. However, if he abbandoned the family, makes no effort at contact and does not pay when he could, what right does he have to call himself a father? My friend would tell you the only dad she has is her step dad who she has lived with since she was 5. Her biological father abandoned the family when my friend was just days old, the only time she has seen him was at her 7th birthday when he suddenly turned up with a card and gift - she screamed and run away from him and her mother had to ask him to leave. He has never payed maintanance for my friend or her older siblings and he hasn't payed maintanance for his younger children in the area. What right does he have to see any of the children he abandoned? The children have never known him as a father and they would not want to be made to visit a stranger just because he has decided that he wants to see them. Judge my friend as you will, but if he turns up and upsets her I would happily defend her and tell him to leave as I have seen the state she gets in at the thought that is in the area. I should mention the above is my friend feelings not mine but I can see why she feels the way she does.

My ex has had 24/7 access to our son since the minute he was born..... but has never paid a penny maintenance. However, if I ever felt the need to ask for help, he would sell his car to help me out. He is a GOOD Dad and I said that when his other EX tried to stop him see his other kids... why should any child be without a parent if that parent wants access ..... you HAVE to put your own personal feelings to one side and think whats best for the child. If you can come to some sort of financial agreement then all well and good ..... and better for the child I think. Elaine ;-)

Absolutely. I didn't see my Grandparents, Aunties and Cousins until I was 20 when my father passed away. It affected them terribly. It still upsets my Nan to this day and because of the Gap in seeing them I am not particularly close to them. I think parents should really stop and think about the child more instead of as people have said using them as weapons against one another. It is all about the child not them and there bitterness!!! Mind you reading that back it sounds like I'm a bit bitter. but I am over it nowdays Honest.. LOL

if he/she (whichever one is the absent parent) wants to see them, they want to see him/her, if he/she can be trusted to return them and keep them safe, then definitely no matter what financial input there is. Maz. XX